Thought I would update with a slightly different perspective than what I seem to see here and on r/daddit.
Let me preface by saying that I love my son and would do anything for him, there is no question of that.
I am fortunate enough to have had almost the entire 6 weeks off through parental leave, pto, and unpaid leave. Initially I was planning on a sort of hybrid/part time schedule at 3 or 4 weeks for returning to work and helping my wife with the baby. That has gone out the window.
The first 2 weeks out of the hospital weren't horrible,, baby slept 3-4 hours at a time and the biggest struggle was keeping up with washing pump parts (he refused to fully latch) and finding a routine. During weeks 2-5 we had various family visit, some helped, some did not (this is relevant because guests are exhausting, do not recommend any for the first month unless they are up at night with you). But around week 5 the baby decided he could nurse and we have transitioned to near pure breastfeeding (which is a lot less work for everyone). Around the same time we went from 2-4 hour stretches of sleep (which is exhausting) to 30-45 minute blocks, and near constant fussing at night.
Let me tell you, the sleep deprivation is MASSIVELY underrepresented. I feel hoodwinked by all the positive vibes new parents like to repeat. The last 2 weeks have been constant hell for everyone.
We have done everything right by doctors (which warned us of weeks 4-7), family advice, internet, books, you name it. But the harsh reality is that this hell is normal, expected, and unavoidable for the majority of babies (if you have a unicorn, congrats). The only solace I take is that by 3 months things USUALLY get better, according to everything I am reading.
So why the update? Hopefully this can be a reality check for expecting first time father's that an infant isn't all rainbows and smiles. In fact it is more likely to be screaming cries at 4am for absolutely no reason you can determine, followed by days of total mental and physical exhaustion and inability to focus or do anything beyond survive.
At week 6.
I return to work tomorrow and will probably sleep in a separate room tonight (which I hate doing), but I will be unable to do my job otherwise.
I know I am fortunate, a lot of y'all don't get any time off at all, and I have no idea how you manage.
But this is not fun, easy, or beautiful.
It sucks.
Let me preface by saying that I love my son and would do anything for him, there is no question of that.
I am fortunate enough to have had almost the entire 6 weeks off through parental leave, pto, and unpaid leave. Initially I was planning on a sort of hybrid/part time schedule at 3 or 4 weeks for returning to work and helping my wife with the baby. That has gone out the window.
The first 2 weeks out of the hospital weren't horrible,, baby slept 3-4 hours at a time and the biggest struggle was keeping up with washing pump parts (he refused to fully latch) and finding a routine. During weeks 2-5 we had various family visit, some helped, some did not (this is relevant because guests are exhausting, do not recommend any for the first month unless they are up at night with you). But around week 5 the baby decided he could nurse and we have transitioned to near pure breastfeeding (which is a lot less work for everyone). Around the same time we went from 2-4 hour stretches of sleep (which is exhausting) to 30-45 minute blocks, and near constant fussing at night.
Let me tell you, the sleep deprivation is MASSIVELY underrepresented. I feel hoodwinked by all the positive vibes new parents like to repeat. The last 2 weeks have been constant hell for everyone.
We have done everything right by doctors (which warned us of weeks 4-7), family advice, internet, books, you name it. But the harsh reality is that this hell is normal, expected, and unavoidable for the majority of babies (if you have a unicorn, congrats). The only solace I take is that by 3 months things USUALLY get better, according to everything I am reading.
So why the update? Hopefully this can be a reality check for expecting first time father's that an infant isn't all rainbows and smiles. In fact it is more likely to be screaming cries at 4am for absolutely no reason you can determine, followed by days of total mental and physical exhaustion and inability to focus or do anything beyond survive.
At week 6.
I return to work tomorrow and will probably sleep in a separate room tonight (which I hate doing), but I will be unable to do my job otherwise.
I know I am fortunate, a lot of y'all don't get any time off at all, and I have no idea how you manage.
But this is not fun, easy, or beautiful.
It sucks.