3rd c-section stopping me from having a third

[trialsufferer1]

I have a 6 year old and 3 year old.. their births were difficult— both ended in a c-section after hours of pushing. After talking to a couple of doctors, I found out I have a “borderline” pelvis and all future births have to be c-sections.

Husband (37) and I (35) have been going back and forth about another for a while now. 3 is our absolute max. We can be good parents to 3 kids. We don’t have any family nearby but I’ve really ironed out help, routines, schools etc and feel confident about being able to parent the third child.

However, I’m absolutely terrified of risks associated with another major abdominal surgery. It also takes me a good 6 months- 1 year after birth to fully heal and get back to my normal self. I still have some weakness around my abdominal area. I’ve done years of therapy to address my fear of c-sections and my doctor has said 3 c-sections are not unheard of and safe given my medical history (although he said I need to lose some weight to start at a healthy weight).

Anyone else in this position? Did you have a third c-section? Did you decide to stop with 2?

 

[jaypt]

@trialsufferer1 I cant give you much advice as i havent had a c-section before, but i can say my sister went through 3 c-sections and after the 3rd the dr said she should not have any more children as it would be safe any longer based on the scarring already present.

You say 3 kids is you absolute max, does that mean you feel content with 2? If so maybe its safer to just stop at 2, theres nothing wrong with that. The age gap between the children would also be something to think about. Your oldest would be at least 7 years older than the youngest.
Studies show a gap of less than 3 years means the siblings will most likely play with each other more, and over 3 years will be more like a mentoring/advice relationship, with the further the age gap, the more like an only child the kids upbringing will be like (except without the added benefit of more finances to spend on the one child).
Your age will also play a factor, youll be 4 years older than when you last had a c-section. This could make healing from it an even worse process than the first 2 times.

If you truely feel you want a 3rd, perhaps speak to a doctor to see what they recommend for you and your furture baby's safety.

 

[trialsufferer1]

@jaypt Ah what I meant by 3 being my absolute max is that a 4th is out of the question with what I can manage physically and mentally. I do feel like there is a third child missing— it’s just a feeling I have, not really logical tbh. I am, however, happy with the 2 I have. I was also happy with the 1 though so I could find a way to be happy with 2 if that’s ultimately what ends up happening.

I’ve given age gaps a lot of thought since we had our first (I’m a planner) and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t really predict how the relationship between siblings will be. I would be having this child more for myself/husband and not for the kids.

Re:healing you’re absolutely right. I could not lose all the pregnancy weight after my first and started the second pregnancy 10lbs heavier than my first and now I’m 10lbs heavier than when I started my second. Basically 20lbs from a “healthy” weight for my body type. I eat well and exercise frequently so I do take good care of myself, but I know it’ll be harder on my body after each c-section.

I mentioned in my post that I did see a doctor about it. I was told I had a moderate amount of scarring with my second cesarean so a third is not out of the question. I took really good care of the scar with massages/mobilizing, pfpt for core rehab etc after my second (learnt after my first) so the scar has healed very well. Can never know how it looks inside until they open me up though!

 

[menorah]

@trialsufferer1 We decided to have a third and it will be my third c-section next month. My OB was not concerned since my pregnancies were spaced out enough - I also have a 6 and 3 year old. She did already tell me 3 is the max amount they recommend for safety reasons which is 100% fine with me because I am sure we are done. I do have a friend who has had 5 c-sections but her kids are also very space out - oldest is 18 and youngest is 1! I wouldn’t let fear of delivery stop you if you’re certain on wanting to raise another baby, but I would definitely discuss your health history with your OB to make sure they think it’s safe for you.

 

[trialsufferer1]

@menorah Congratulations on your pregnancy! I got similar advice about 3 being possible and I think that’s why I’m on the fence. If they had told me that’s it’s very risky and not safe it would’ve been an easy choice to stop at 2…

I would love to know how it went once you have your baby! I’ve been loving the age spacing even though this next one will be 3.5-4 years younger

 

[menorah]

@trialsufferer1 Thank you! I’ll def try to remember to come back and share how it goes! I also love this age spacing - my first two are 3.5 years apart and the new baby will be just over 3 years younger than my middle and 6.5 years younger than my oldest. I thought I wanted them all close in age but this age gap is so nice and you get to really enjoy each stage of baby/toddler/kid individually.

 

[kimosabe2019]

@trialsufferer1 I had failure to descend with my first and second was breech. So unplanned and planned C-section, respectively. How sure of you that all of it is related to the c-section itself? Personally, my longer immediate recovery with the delivery was with the long labor and pushing with my first. With my first, my back pain was because they stretched out my ribs during pregnancy. I couldn't lift the baby until 6 months+ postpartum due to the pain and that when I seriously began working out (30min x3 week postpartum focused). With my second, the back pain is from breastfeeding. I went from my core being the weakest it's ever been to 80% in four weeks with a postpartum C-section core program with #2. It might be worth meeting with a pelvic floor physical therapist to see how you can physically prepare yourself and then help you get back to normal quicker.

2 of my 3 sister in laws had 3 c-sections. They said their third one was their worst. My one SIL was with us after the birth of #2 and was surprised how quick I was moving around. But my husband said I was committed to keeping up my physical strength pre C-section so he wasn't surprised. Also, waiting the 18 months between pregnancies is super helpful, which none of SILs did between their first 2 kids. My second C-section experience eliminated any fear I had about the 3rd, which would be our absolute max too.

 

[trialsufferer1]

@kimosabe2019 I haven’t feel ready to have more kids until my babies are 2+. Less than 18 months sounds exhausting.

Do you know why was their 3rd c-section the worst?

 

[kimosabe2019]

@trialsufferer1 100% but 18 months between pregnancies still puts are at a minimum of 27 months apart. They didn't even do that, which is standard medical advice.

One SIL went into labor a week earlier than her scheduled c-section. She is a physician and majority of physicians we know have hard deliveries, C-section or not (lots of early labor among my husband coworkers). She had a uterine window when they finally got her open on the operating table. The other was 39 and a smoker when she had her unplanned 3rd. Smoking is just awful for wound healing.

I am 34 now. The shop is closed if we're not trying at 36.

 

[childofdust]

@trialsufferer1 I had 2 c-sections: the first one was an emergency and very hard emotionally. When I learned that the second child was big and with as big a head as his brother’s I opted for a planned c-section and it went smoothly. The second recovery was quicker too. Unfortunately, we cannot afford to have a third child due to a serious geopolitical situation. If we could though, I would have another c-section in a heartbeat.

 

[deegee823]

@childofdust Yes a planned c section is a whole different ballgame!

 

[trialsufferer1]

@childofdust I keep hearing that planned c sections are better. It’s almost always with their second or first surgeries though. I’m worried how my body will react with a third incision to the same area.