(24 F) Struggling with Baby fever

[patrick_m]

Hi! Hopefully i've reached a subreddit where I can get some advice. my bf (30) and I have been together for 3 years, living together for most of it. Since the beginning we both wanted kids so that was never an issue. Our plan has always been to be more financially stable and have a house of our own first. I have been struggling the last 6 months with baby fever. It seems like every time i check social media someone is announcing a pregnancy or showing newborn pictures and i am so jealous!! I have spent a few nights crying to myself because i want a child so bad. How do i manage this? I've worked with young kids most of my adult life and it only has made me want kids more. It's all i've been thinking about the last few days. I want to be a mom SO bad.

 

[mckay]

@patrick_m I feel you. But see it this way: you’re in the best possible spot! You’re really young, but in a long term relationship where you know your partner wants kids, but you’re CHOOSING to wait for reasons that make perfect sense.

I’m just turned 29, I also have crazy baby fever but it’s a big decision for me. I know that once we have a baby my life will change forever, and there’s many things I won’t be able to do. I want to be in the best possible place before having kids, having gone on the big trips I want to go on, lose a bit more weight, and be in a better position financially. For me that’s about 2 years into the future. Now I just focus on living life to the fullest and being selfish, and even though I also have crazy baby fever I can tell myself “2 years…”

 

[patrick_m]

@mckay Thanks for replying! I keep telling myself that it will be so worth it to just wait a few more years. my boyfriend keeps reminding me that as soon as we can we will TTC because he wants to be a daddy soon. It almost hurts more because i know he wants babies too and he would make such an amazing dad (am i crazy?)

 

[shela710]

@patrick_m Brief mention of pregnancy/child.

I felt so similar to you when I was 22-24! My bf and I had been together since high school, I desperately wanted a baby and as soon as I graduated college it got so much worse. For a while I deleted social media because truthfully I didn’t need to know so-and-so from high school was preggo and that so-and-so was engaged. I was just getting too jealous. Deleting social helped a lot but I still wanted that future. I just kept on going- grad school, got married, got my first job, eventually bought a house and at 27 we finally felt more ready and started trying. That feeling of wanting motherhood was definitely strongest 22-24, but comes and goes in waves. I do NOT regret waiting even a little bit. I’m almost 30 now, my daughter 1.5 yr old and we’ve been able to give her every little thing she wants or needs. We’re financially stable and secure, have a lovely home, and we spent a long time training our dog to be ready to accept this new creature lol. We made sure our support system was good. Having her was every bit as perfect as I was pining for, but I am so so glad we waited. We travelled, we did home reno, I got established in a career I love (and went to conferences, networked, did plenty of stuff that’s harder with kids).

So my advice would be to get off social, figure out what would bring you the most joy now while you wait, and enjoy this time. It will be so soon that you get to have a baby in your arms and life looks so different then.

 

[sportmom]

@shela710

definitely strongest 22-24, but comes and goes in waves

I had the saaaaaaame experience. Definitely hella baby fever in my early 20s. I stayed the course and my husband and I are turning 28 this year, we've been able to do lots of home projects, travel a ton, and really just enjoy being our own unit. We'll be ready in a couple years and I do not regret at all having waded through the trying years of baby fever. It still spikes from time to time for sure.

Also deleting social media apps from my phone helped a ton! I still have a facebook but I can only access it on my computer so I don't use it as much.

 

[hollymanda]

@shela710 Completely relate to the baby fever waves in my early 20’s. I’m turning 26 in a few months and I haven’t had baby fever since last year but it used to be so bad starting from when I was 21-24. I even felt like it took over my daily thoughts at one point but thankfully the waves came and went. Both mine and my bf’s siblings just had babies so we spend time with them and it reminds me how much I want to enjoy our current life doing the things we want without those responsibilities. We both are excited to be parents someday but for now we’d like to be living out the rest of our 20’s selfishly. We know we’ll thank ourselves for waiting.

 

[katrina2017]

@patrick_m Whenever I feel like I am getting baby fever but know logically it makes sense to wait, I watch a lot of YouTube videos on the life of a new parent or even go on r/regretfulparents. It kind of gives me a reality check that having a baby is not all rainbows and sunshine and that there is a lot of struggle and difficulties in raising a kid. It helps reduce the baby fever and focus on enjoying my current life and focusing on what I need to do to improve before I’m ready to have a kid!