2 y.o looking for daddy he doesnt know

[wanderinghopelessly]

I've read some similar posts but nothing for a child as young as mine so any experience with this age would be helpful-

Basically, my son is 2.5, his father was not part of my pregnancy and isn't interested in parenting. He knows about him but they have never met and we have no communication (I am open to facilitating that down the road if either of them ask). Lately when my son gets upset at me he screams and cries for "DADDYYY DADDDYYYY" - logic tells me this is to get a reaction out of me when he is upset, or to fish for this 'daddy' person he sees other children with. However, now he become obsessed with the mailman, any delivery person- crying when they leave after dropping off a package. It's getting overwhelming and he is becoming inconsolable. I try to stay calm and tell him "im mommy and I'm right here", sometimes we facetime MY father who lives across the country but talks to him often, or we look at pictures of him with my male friends. However nothing seems to console him completely. He's a late talker and I don't think therapy is age appropriate just yet but open to any advise. Am I over reacting with worry? Is he just trying to figure out who will show up when he yells for daddy? I can't seem to be the comfort I was a few months ago.

 

[shamakwa]

@wanderinghopelessly Hmm don't really have any advice. Have you actually explained to him why he doesn't have a daddy (while he's calm)? I also have never met my father and my mom's policy was that if I asked about it she would tell me the truth. I genuinely can't remember ever caring, because it was just treated as a fact of life and not a big deal - something I think parents should do in a lot of situations like this.

 

[christianinchrist]

@shamakwa You mentioned that you're, "open to facilitating that down the road if either of them ask."

It sounds like your son is asking now.

Is it possible to start now?

 

[braum]

@wanderinghopelessly Give the fact that he's 2, I don't think he's doing anything to "get a rise" out of you. At that age they've just started learning about expressing their own desires and feelings. Being emotionally manipulative with others isn't even something they're intellectually/emotionally capable of understanding yet. Try to keep in mind that his little brain is literally still forming. He's figuring out how to be a person as he goes.. nothing he says/does at this stage should be taken personally. Sometimes it's tough, but managing your own feelings and expectations is an important part of parenting.

Toddlers at this age go through phases where they fixate on specific people. It's totally normal. Sometimes the focus is on one parent or the other, or a grandparent, or a sibling, or a pet.. but it usually only lasts a little while until they move on to something else. The fact that he's asking about a dad that isn't there is a little unusual in my experience, but IMO within the bounds of expected behavior given that dad's not around.

Just be patient, guide him as best you can by showing him healthy ways to express himself, and before you know it he'll be done with "daddy" and on to the next big thing that grabs his attention.

 

[shanon30]

@wanderinghopelessly There are play therapists who work with infants and toddlers. Look for someone who specializes in this.

Loss of a parent or parental figure is definitely a trauma even when that person was never involved.

Sending love.

 

[katrina2017]

@wanderinghopelessly I second the previous persons comment. I’d look into play therapy to get down to why he’s doing what he’s doing and understand the behavior then address the cause.