2 v 3

edwardyb

New member
I’d love to get some thoughts on my situation.

My wife and I have spent ages trying to decide whether or not to go for a third. We’ve got two boys (2 + 4) and my wife is desperate for a third. The stumbling block is that we are both in pretty busy jobs (hers more than mine), which means that we haven’t got much spare capacity. I do significantly more childcare Mon-Thu, but she is off on Fridays and does pretty much everything that day.

She absolutely loves everything about being a mum. She does think it will be tricky for the first few years if we have another, but then thinks the benefits will far outweigh the negatives in the long-term. She would also love to have a girl.

I’m just not sure if a third will push us over the edge of having a happy family life to a difficult one.

We’ve been chatting about this since our second arrived. I’ve told her today that whilst 3 is not off the table, I won’t be ready for at least another 6 months. She is a bit upset about the situation. Our age isn’t really on our side and in an ideal world, she would want another soon to keep the age gap close.

Has anyone been in similar situation? All of our friends appear to be so aligned on deciding the number of kids they have and this has become the number 1 conflict in our lives.

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated!
 
@edwardyb
She would also love to have a girl.

Don't have much advice to share but I would definitely advise caution if this happens to make up a significant portion of her desire for a third kid. A lot of people can feel like they are statistically "due" for their preferred gender after missing a couple of times. But of course you are exactly as likely to wind up with a third boy as a girl. I'm guessing she understands this, but it was the first thing that came to mind for me after hearing this line of thought out of friends in the past.
 
@edwardyb Don't have any personal advice, but I will quote a friend with 7 kids.

The first takes up 100% of your energy. Two takes up 100% of your energy.. 7 takes up 100% of your energy.

You'll find problems and blessings with a single child or if you have 7.
 
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