2-2-5-5 schedule with a 6 and 9 year old. Please share your wisdom about what I can expect down the road

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fellowheirs

New member
The kids have been great sports so far with accommodating this complicated schedule. My ex and I live about 5 min away from each other.

Anticipating the kids not wanting to change houses so frequently at some point in the future and possibly needing to switch to 7-7 or something with fewer switches. Is there a predictable age or (other predictable factors) at which kids typically start to speak up about this?
 
@fellowheirs I actually really love the 2-2-5-5 schedule! We've been doing it for 6 years, since my kiddo was 3, and he's now almost 10. Having consistent weekday schedules is really nice for planning, or extracurriculars. All of our exchanges occur at school/daycamp (in the summer), except for holidays, which I deeply appreciate due to the high conflict nature of my coparenting situation. Having a 5 day stretch over a weekend makes it easy to go on short trips. 7 days at a time, while a bit easier on the overall logistics, felt too long when my kiddo was younger. It was also generally harder on both him and his other parent who had not been doing much of the childcare at all. We've discussed revisiting a week on/week off schedule when the kiddo transitions to middle school and again for high school, if needed. But so far, all of us prefer the existing configuration.
 
@fellowheirs We did 5225 when the kids were younger. It worked well because if you want to schedule lessons you'll always have the kids on the same weekday so that is very helpful. Also the weekends always alternate which is nice.

When the kids were starting high school is when we switched to week on week off to have less transitions and longer straight periods with mom and dad

What I didn't like at all about 5225 is that I felt like the kids were constantly transitioning/switching between households with all of their belongings. It was stressful in that way for all of us. I felt bad about them packing their bag up all the time...

I really didn't like the 2 day stretch. Because day 1 the kids were always a bit tired and stressed from the transition of it from one house to another. By day 2 just as they were starting to settle in they had to go back to the other parents house

Personally I like week on week off but 5225 definitely had its advantages
 
@katrina2017 How did the switch from 5225 to week on/week off go? Was it just agreed upon by both parents?

We (me and husband-BF) are in an every other weekend situation, made a little more sense when we lived about 45 minute drive away from BM house where they live primarily and they were younger. They're 11 and 13 (both boys) now and we live 10 15 minutes from BM now. I know Husband would like to have more time with them, I think they would both like it too, every Sunday we take them back they say they aren't ready. We also have dinner with them every Thursday.

We're probably in a medium conflict period, but have been higher. So the idea of going back to court to adjust custody feels like a huge risk. Husband has been worried that it would set BM off and we could end up with even less than we currently have (that she wouldn't let us have dinner with them, etc). So just curious about your situation and how that switch would have been navigated.
 
@markzone20 My ex knew I wanted to eventually go to week on week off. We were 5225 which is what he wanted. For a long time. When my girls started high school that's when it seems to make sense. He agreed. Do you get less than 50 50 now it seems....? But your husband wants it closer to 50 50 split even? What does bio mom think about it? She sounds difficult. Would she agree? I would fight for it anyhow. He deserves to see them half of the time. And the kids do too. Having the kids a full week with less switches back and forth is nice in my opinion
 
@fellowheirs A baby step maybe, my family does 3/4/4/3 we rotate one overnight every other week but the other three days are set, I have wed thur fri and he has sun mon tues, we switch Saturday night. I actually don’t love it, but it’s easier IMO than a two day and necessary because of our work schedule
 
@fellowheirs We are doing 2-2-5-5 as well starting this summer - I intend to keep it that way as long as I can, my kids don’t want to be gone for as long as 7 days at a time.
 
@fellowheirs We started with 3/4/3 and moved to 2/2/5/5 after about 6 months. We are 5 yrs in (kids 16, 13, 10 and 7) and I much prefer 2/2/5/5.

Due to vacations and such, we’ve ended doing week on/week off here and there and I’m just not a fan. I really like having set/consistent days so I can make plans without looking at the calendar to see if kids are with me or not.
 
@fellowheirs My kids are a few years older, 12 and 9 this year (we’ve had this schedule for approx 6 years). They still are ok with the 2-2-5-5 schedule. They’d probably be fine with 7-7, but I’m not ready to make that switch yet. Even during my 5-day stretch, they see their dad because he works from home and is able to pick them up from school on Fri/Mon/Tues while I’m at work.

Currently:

MOM: Mon / Tues

DAD: Wed / Thurs

Alternate: Fri / Sat / Sun
 
@fellowheirs We did that when the kids were younger for about two years when my girl was 10-12 and my boy was 12-14. As they got older it was A LOT of bouncing around. During one of our check ins, I asked how things were going and they said they didn’t like the bouncing around so often, so we went to week on, week off. We all like it so much better. At 13 and 16, they ate plenty old enough. I wish we would have done it sooner.
 
@fellowheirs My SS was on 2255 for a couple years and it was good when he was younger. But once he started school he just really started struggling with the transitions and it was agreed to trial 7/7.

It was a huge success and suited his temperament better. Helps that there’s soccer practice and game as the parents still see him on their off week.

He’s able to call his other parent whenever he likes but it’s very rare for him to request it.

I’ve heard of other family where siblings are actually on different schedules because they suit them better.
 
@fellowheirs We do 7-7 with a dinner at the other house in the middle of the week. Tuesday dinner is always at dad’s, and Wednesday dinner is always at mom’s. We switch on Sunday evening. The kids really like the schedule because they like to bring their favorite things from house to house so they only have to pack once a week, and it kinda “resets” them to get ready for the next week of school.
 
@fellowheirs Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but we transition daily. Or like, I have him (6) basically every other night with a double somewhere on the weekend so I get him the same nights every day of the week. So I will get him from school and hang with him and bring him the next morning and then dad gets him that afternoon. It’s working for us. It’s sort of always and never a transition. He has tons of toys and clothes at both places, we just toss his iPad in his school backpack as that’s the only thing he only has one of. If he is at dads for two long in a row, the transition to me is notable.
 
@mooches1 How old is your son? You are not crazy. I know a mom who does this kind of schedules well. It is rare but does work for some families!
 
@rynnie He is 6 and it’s been about a year. One reasons I want eyes in him every 24 hours is because there are so many ticks around here. And we already had a scare with Lyme. I want to check him every 24 hours and they are so tiny I don’t trust dad to do a good job. Another is he doesn’t get any physical affection, or even verbal affection at dads. And I can tell he starts to crave it even if he doesn’t know that’s what’s happening. When I get him back after a few days in a row he just climbs all over me. He also has sensory processing issues and dad doesn’t do anything for that.
 
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