17 month old starting daycare: more short days or fewer full days?

[lizhoney]

I’m going back to work soon after being home with my LO who is almost 17 months. I’m going to be starting a new job and am lucky that it’s very flexible, part time and super close to home.

I’m really nervous about my son being in daycare as he’s very attached to me and pretty slow to warm up in new situations. He also nurses to sleep for naps and doesn’t take a bottle. He doesn’t HAVE to nurse but it’s obviously a strong comfort to him. I feel emotional thinking he won’t have this routine and since it’s not every day it will be hard for him to adjust.

We are lucky that we found a home daycare just up the road. The woman has her own 3 year old there plus a 15 and 21 month old. She used to work at a play cafe we go to so I’ve seen how she is with kids - very warm and attentive. She’s happy to have him there part time and is flexible with timing - her hours are 9-5.

I’m honestly tempted to just not go back to work and feel very conflicted, but I do think it would be good for me to be out doing my own thing a bit. This job is seasonal so at some point in the summer/fall it’ll be done - this could be good because I dip my toes back into work, but then also bad as we start a routine for LO and daycare and then it’ll just end pretty fast

My new boss is really flexible with timing. They said they’d like me there 3 days per week, but they are open to other schedules. What I’m considering is doing short days like 4 hours per day, 5 days a week. That way my son is only at daycare in the morning for 4 hours and he can be home with me for his nap. And I end up working 20 hours a week.

Does this make sense at all?

Other options would be:
3 days, 6 hrs/day (9-3)
2 days, 8 hrs/day (9-5) + 1 half day (9-12)

Hope it’s okay I’m asking in this sub. I am familiar with some of the research surrounding childcare and its effects. I think in an ideal world he’d stay home with me but I’m also trying to balance my mental health. Im happy at home with him but not sure I fully want to be SAHM. Working part time seems like a good compromise to me though honestly I flip flop on this. Obviously anecdotal advice very welcome

 

[donell]

@lizhoney Consistency is important. If you can swing 4 or 5 shorter days I’d do that.

 

[lizhoney]

@donell True. I’m leaning in this direction

 

[catholicwomanonwheels]

@lizhoney More days, but shorter. Helps them also with the routine of going there.

However, my kids sleep / slept by far better at the nursery than at home.

 

[dandalf]

@lizhoney Both anecdotally and the literature supports consistent, shorter days.

https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4

 

[lizhoney]

@dandalf Thanks! I have read this but will give it a read again.

 

[elisjohn]

@lizhoney I did a lot of research on this and landed on shorter hours, ideally in the morning, for more days.

There is evidence that children in daycare experience an abnormal cortisol pattern. The typical pattern is for it to peak in the morning, then go down throughout the day. On days when toddlers are in daycare it’s been found to be higher in the morning and then continue to rise so it actually peaks in the afternoon. However, the evening and weekend cortisol rates do not differ, meaning their cortisol falls back to normal levels at home.

With this in mind I decided to do 4 hours in the morning 4-5 days per week, so I could bring him home in the afternoon and hopefully mitigate the afternoon cortisol peak phenomenon.

I’m on my phone and don’t have time to dig up the cortisol study links but check the sources here in the relevant section:
https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4

This paper was especially helpful to me in deciding how to handle daycare:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-10039-001

 

[lizhoney]

@elisjohn Thanks for this! Very interesting. I’ve read the critical science article but think I need to go over it again. I do remember the cortisol part which I found quite alarming I’ll check out that other paper as well

Cool to hear from someone doing this schedule! I’m leaning in this direction.

 

[elisjohn]

@lizhoney It is alarming, and I gotta admit that I really struggled with my decision to go back to work after learning about the whole cortisol thing. But in practice I’m actually finding this schedule is working well for me so far. I get a surprising amount done in 4 hours, I get paid, and I get to spend a lot of time with my kid each day.

 

[sirgeorge]

@lizhoney I had a similar situation with my first and the big thing in terms of my son acclimating was a routine. Same pickup time and same drop off time every day. That way he knew what to expect. So short days would be better. Keep in mind timing though, you don’t want to be trying to pick up during afternoon nap time as your kid will probably transition to 1 nap per day soon

 

[lizhoney]

@sirgeorge Okay good to know! Yes he’s generally already on one nap per day. It does make the timing a bit tricky as I would need to get him before the nap

 

[katrina2017]

@lizhoney I work part-time and love it. I do 20ish hours per week and split it up as 6.5 hours x 3 days. I also have a completely flexible schedule and I could spread the hours over more days but for practical reasons I much prefer working less days. My reasons are mostly:
1) The thing I find the most stressful about parenting is getting myself and my kids ready in the morning for work/daycare. I hate rushing around to get us all ready and am so glad I only have to do it three times per week.
2) I love having full days off with my kids. On my weekdays off, my kids and I go to playgroups, library story times and get together with SAHPs and their kids. I love having this time together and my youngest still naps so if we only had afternoons together we wouldn't get to do any of this fun stuff.

That all said, I think the science will support shorter days but I don't know exactly how they define short days. My kids are at daycare for about 7 hours, 3 days per week and that has worked very well for our family.

 

[lizhoney]

@katrina2017 Thanks for sharing your perspective! Definitely interesting to consider. I do find it stressful to leave the house sometimes even with one kid haha. So that is a good point.

I’m not sure what they mean by shorter days either. I’m kind of assuming around 4 or 5 hours because that’s half of a regular work day but not sure

 

[derealized]

@lizhoney Anecdotal:

I went back to work part time and was also able to choose my schedule, and I decided on the shorter days every day.

It worked really well for us because at the time my kid was sleeping in, so he was able to stick with that, and then we'd do a morning activity together and I'd drop him at care for lunch, nap, and rest of day. Lunch was a good transition for him (he finds eating comforting) and he was more okay being left at care after having a full morning of mom time. I also found a "break" in the middle of the day to be great for my mental health - I'd see him at 5:00 and be ready to fully engage with him until bedtime (which at the time was quite late).

I'm off on leave with my 2nd now, and not sure yet what our schedule will be when I return. But I definitely plan to do short days every day again. The consistency was SO KEY to our success. I also recognize that my kid in particular really doesn't do well without routine, so this may not be as important to others.

Best of luck! It's amazing to have the flexibility to do what works for your family.

 

[gimic115]

@lizhoney I do short days, she doesn't sleep well at daycare so gets a good afternoon nap at home

 

[moriarty777]

@lizhoney I’d do short days for naps and the consistency of a routine.

 

[rouzanna]

@lizhoney I’d vote more short days. Better for routine and they can get maybe one more solid nap a day at home. My kiddo gets crap naps at daycare bc of fomo imo. I’m talking 20-30 mins max. But in her own bed oh weekends. A 2 hr nap in the morning and usually an hour in the afternoon. Makes me think homegirl must be pooped but she just hates sleeping at daycare!

Eta: sorry for typos, nursing and typing at 2 am

 

[jimbobby2021]

@lizhoney Anecdotal, but I personally find focus much better on my work and then connect with my kid heaps better when I have a whole day dedicated to the activity.

Cutting your day in half - I find it stunts whatever it is thaat I am doing, I keep running from one activity to another, rushed, not doing either one well eg can’t get much done at work or plan a really fun activity with the kid. with a half day, it feels like I just dropped my kid off at daycare, just sat down and finally click into your work….and you have to rush to pick the child up again. It makes me so stressed to do this. Science clearly says stressed carer is the worst for development so my vote is for longer days.

Also strongly suggest consecutive days to help the child adjust to daaycare. Really hard for them to adjust when they go one day and then forget all about cool new friends, friendly teachers, routine etc..and then its confronting to meet them all gain like for the first time again a few days later.

So what we do is…full consecutive days at daycare, they’ve had their fund adventures and are ready for a break and then we are 100% done with work and then have 5 days to fully focus on being with child.

Flexible work days are also great when kid will get sick. It means that you will be able to move around your (full) work days to stay home with them when needed.

Search previous posts on r/workingmoms really good sub for tips and advice and personal experienes

 

[lizhoney]

@jimbobby2021 Hmmm interesting! I do think it might be odd to just work for 4 hours, but at the same time it’s possible I may like it. I can see how it may be stressful for some to have the day be split. I’m not really sure how I will react honestly.

Very good point about consecutive days. I’d thought breaking it up throughout the week would be good, but I can see how that would be confusing for LO. Do you think it’s at all hard for your child to go back to daycare after 5 full days with you/parents? Like they get used to the daycare routine and then they get used to home routine then back again. I wonder if it’s jarring?

And thanks I’ll check out that sub!

 

[jimbobby2021]

@lizhoney The kids that go to daycare 5 days a week are the ones that adapt the fastest/easiest. So yes the part-time schedule by definition, switching it up, does make it a bit more jarring.

Consecutive, longer days at least gives them an opportunity to full immerse themselves in the new routine, new environment. So if they do the whole thing - all meals, naps, plays, all day with their friends, in that routine…they are 100% in it (rather than hopping in and out).

That said, while part-time by design might be a bit more jarring, I see being home for longer fits in well with that…at least for us. Home is recharging, comfortable, gives them more energy to deal whatever the outside world has for them. Think like going back to work after a vacation - when you come back, you have more energy to deal with whatever comes at you.