This isn't the typical "asking for a friend" post...I really am asking for a friend. A friend I know has a 10 year old daughter, 5 year old daughter and 17 year old step son. The two girls live together with my friend and het husband (the girls' dad) and the step son lives with his mom. This friend has expressed to me over time some of the things going on with her 10 year old and I am becoming increasingly worried about my friend's well-being dealing with all this as well as what could possibly be going on with her daughter. Her daughter CONSTANTLY tells my friend to f*** off or f*** you and is angry and threatening and demeaning from sun up to sun down. The minute my friend taps her to wake up in the morning she will say "get your hands off me" or "don't touch me" and my friend occasionally get a frustrated and teary eyed with these verbal beat downs and her daughter will say "oh you're gonna cry now mom?" In a snotty tone. She'll call my friend "stupid", "dumb", and has threatened to tell her teachers if my friend tries to spank or discipline her. Yet this little girl has been kicked out of school multiple times. Yes! Kicked out!! And the classroom has had to be cleared and the cops have had to be called more than once because of her behavior. She has told her mom she's "going to kill" her and will sometimes tell her mom "why don't you just kill me". Her daughter currently takes adderall for adhd and trazadone for sleep but has been on multiple other meds off and on with the same results. She has documented every incident the school has told her about and has given the school additional information about the situation at home. And she has given her daughter's psych medication provider all the information as well and left multiple voicemails when incidents come up to let the provider know and it is hardly ever addressed, even in the next appointment.
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!
I am a nurse and have a little experience in Psych and I am just appalled that this poor mother has been left to sink or swim by the school and the mental health providers. And yet, next, social services will be contacted and it will be the mother who gets the finger pointed at her or it already is because I'm sure most people just see this as a parenting issue ( which we all know means we deserve as parents to suffer for...NOT). This isn't just a parenting issue from what I can see and hear about. And this poor mom is going to absolutely snap if she doesn't get someone respond to her cries for help soon. I am so fed up with the mental health manifesto in America yet here we have a mom who has all the facts and evidence laid out and people just want to point the finger and say deal with it. As a result this mom is suffering a rapid mental health decline as well and so the cycle will continue.
I have interrogated thoroughly and observed and talked to others who know her even better and her husband is not adding to the problem or modeling any of the daughters behavior by being abusive but he is a war vet who watched his buddy get blown up in the seat next to him in Iraq and he's not much help with the situation either. She said he pretty much dissociates on his phone and tunes it all out. Occasionally he'll speak up and tell the daughter she is out of line but doesn't nothing to follow up or be consistent in earning her or monitoring her behavior to and around her mom.
I also thought of PANDAS but I don't know the full extent of whether or not this child has had a recent strep infection or a latent /hidden one but she does have tics that appear and disappear very suddenly sometimes like noises or shoulder shrugging and the way she uses profanity and blares it out unprovoked sometimes, one would think she has turrets as well.
My friend needs to advocate for her daughter and get some answers and she has. But it seems like no one is pointing her in any direction. I don't know if she's been fully transparent with how bad things are but she says she has. If that's true, why is no one listening and stepping in to help this mom and daughter. I want to advocate for this friend so she can advocate for her daughter but what resources/treatments do you think might help and what direction would you go first /next with something like this.
I'm afraid someone in this family is going to snap!