“It’s like you don’t want to cook anymore” MAYBE I DON’T!

@vvshinedownvv We've known beef prices at the grocery store were due to go up because it had been about the same for the life of my teenager. But I'd rather it have gone up a few % a year instead of spiking in one. I just know the farmers didn't get in on that spike either.
 
@de_maria We had almost this same argument

So I told him I will GLADLY cook every night....but he has to plan the meals, check for groceries, and put anything we need on the grocery list. It has to be done by Sunday evening. (I'll put the grocery order in Sunday night and pick it up Monday afternoon and we'll be covered for the week)

It never happened. He attempted it once, for about 15 minutes, then threw his hands up in the air and said he didn't care what we ate. So we had sandwiches, chicken nuggets, and frozen pizza all week. By Thursday he was irritated and tried to complain, but as soon as I reminded him he specifically said he didn't care what we ate, he shut his mouth.

Took another three days to get an actual apology, but he hasn't ever complained about dinner (or lack thereof) since.
 
@de_maria Planning meals, shopping for groceries, and actually cooking those meals takes a lot of work and effort. Kudos to you for being able to take care of the kids and having the time to prepare meals at the same time.

My husband and I both work and have two young kids so we’re always struggling to find the time to find recipes and ingredients. We’ve given up and subscribed to hellofresh. It makes our life so much easier because we don’t have to spend so time planning meals. There are similar services like emeals that has recipes that you can choose from for the week and it also helps you get the ingredients through Amazon fresh or local grocery stores and it’s more affordable than meal delivery kits. There is also an app I used to use called Mealime which is free, it has recipes and grocery lists included so you can bookmark recipes in one place. Maybe something like that could make it easier for you to streamline the meal planning process.

Finally, your husband should help you cook dinners! Even if he’s only able to on the weekend, any little bit would help. He makes ignorant comments like that because he doesn’t participate.
 
@de_maria This reminds me of the time my husband asked why I never complete the laundry (wash, dry, fold, put away) because it "only takes 10 minutes". I laughed like an idiot and asked him which 10 minutes of laundry he wanted me to do 😂

There's an app called SideKick by Sorted Food. It has pre-planned weekly meals with a shopping list that is very efficient for food usage. There are individual recipes or "packs" that play off each other for 3-5 recipes so you spend less on groceries. There's a 1 month free trial if you're interested. Perhaps you could put your husband in charge of choosing the meals and doing the shopping?
 
@jordan_cg I never get around to folding either because my children either call me away from the task as soon as I start or they’re jumping on the piles during the entire time 😅😅

We do the shopping together so there’s that- but yeah, if there are tools to help that could work. I know he wouldn’t take on the planning though.
 
@de_maria Sometimes I tell my husband "decide or don't eat" and I mean it. It only took one day of 0 breakfast lunch or dinner (for him, the kids got a glorious day of kid-centric meals) for him to realize I wasn't bluffing.

Regardless of how you solve it, hang in there. The burnout is real...
 
@de_maria Oh man, I feel this one deeply. I used to love to cook and bake and just...be creative in the kitchen and now I HATE it. It's just years of making so much food that gets thrown away or wasted when no one eats it. My husband is really really good about eating whatever we have or finding himself something, so he didn't really contribute too much to the problem until he got gout and kidney stones. So now he has dietary restrictions, I have a child diagnosed with ARFID which means she has literally only eaten twenty foods in the decade since she's been born, and I have a child with other food allergies that mostly contradict the restrictions of both of them, which means I am, on the average and at best, making at least three different versions of the same meal every single time we sit down. And not to be whiny, but it is never, ever how I want to eat it or what I want to eat. Which means that I have become an emotional eater who binges and then eats everything in sight just to try to feel like all my effort wasn't a waste.

And this doesn't even include the gripes about what we are eating when I put it on the table. Nothing like spending hours planning, prepping and cooking a meal to have it thrown back in my face and everyone decides to have yogurt for dinner. Again.
 
@bible2 That sounds so difficult. You are absolutely not whiny for having preferences that aren’t met. I completely understand. I’ve been cooking for my family and trying to plan meals that satisfy everyone since I was a teen at home. My mom got insanely sick and could literally only eat the freshest most clean foods or if it was boiled. No seasonings, no grains, and the list was short. She was so sensitive to cross contamination- and she would guilt us for eating anything she couldn’t, it was a really hard few years until I moved out. Then I was cooking for my sister and nephew when I lived with them, etc. man. It’s been a long road. But having that creative freedom in the kitchen, not to mention TIME, man, I miss that.
 
@bible2 If you have a child who is at least 10 get them in a kitchen. They can definitely figure out how to make their 20 foods. Are there foods everyone can eat? Example yogurt? Or at least everyone who isn't the Arfid kid? Is there a soup you can make for 3 people? Like a tomato soup, a minestrone, a black bean , a vegetable chili. A salad for 3 people- can everyone eat vegetables? A fruit salad for everyone? A bean salad for everyone? A main dish for 3? A type of bread for 3? A baked potato prepped and a variety of eating options. Different Types of tacos for example if one can eat meat and then the other can't, but still use similar ingredients? Sounds like you need flexible batch cooking. Make enough for several meals for everyone. Also is your spouse able to help and contribute to their special needs diet? A lot of a gout diet is just avoiding oils, fats, meats and dairy. Him eating a largely vegan diet is pretty easy to add on, too, for whatever your other kid has going on. Build your main diet staples off of vegetables, legumes, beans, and potatoes and work your way forward.
 
@de_maria I feel you 1000%. Going on about 10 years here. Same deal. Almost never eat out. I've got picky eaters to boot. And my husband is very critical and moody and will sigh and offer me nothing helpful about meals. He will complain that we eat the same things, I say tell me what you want to try, find a recipe. And he's just... like it's too much for him to be able to find some food to want to eat. But it's not too much for ME to constantly figure out it. On top of which, when I do try new things or I do look up recipes and ask him if he wants to try it, he never wants anything. I've gotten pretty jaded about the whole thing. I'm just gonna do what I do, he's gonna be unhappy. Eventually the kids will be out or at least old enough to figure it out for themselves. And I'll be done.
 
@de_maria I'm not really sure if you're looking for solutions, but maybe it's worth talking to hubby about. I suggest something like hello fresh 2/3 times a week (if it's within your budget) to relieve the stress of having to think of something yourself. They're usually 40 minute meals and great portions, so likely no leftovers. And if there is some left over, it makes for a great lunch the next day, no thoughts about it!

He is quite audacious to say something like that to you, though. Not even considering that you're burned out and don't want to be wasteful and just want a little help with it. Like... he's eating the food too. Why shouldn't he make something, or suggest his own solution? You have only one brain, it does its own share of work thinking. You don't have enough power to think for 2 people!
 
@de_maria You shouldn't have to cook 7 nights a week. One night dad can cook and one night takeout/frozen food. And you need a real BREAK. Go out for a girls weekend, or book a hotel and get a massage, stay with family.. anything! What you're doing isn't sustainable.
 
@christianbella I wish those were viable options! I know we all need time and self care and it’s not fair that we have to be pushed to our breaking points but I’m not sure what the alternative is when I don’t have better support.
 

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