Will my 8 month old son forget me after 1 months absence?

[johnwebster]

(U.K)

So me and my ex partner split a couple of months ago and I’ve been having my son every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday since then….

But for the past 3 weeks I’ve been told he has a “cold” so I can’t come and pick him up, I’ve also been told multiple times he’s nearly better only to be told he’s now much worse, I’ve asked for something confirming a doctors appointment or prescribed medication in the last 3 weeks to justify the time I’ve lost with my son to which I was ignored, so to me things aren’t adding up as it is…

It’s nearly been a month since myself and my now 8 month old son haven’t seen each other, my Ex has a new partner who’s well acquainted with our son (which isn’t a problem)

i just feel as if the relationship/bond I’ve built with him is slowly being destroyed and at some point I’m going to be a distant thought in his little head, I’m thinking he won’t remember my house/surroundings so he won’t settle with me or feel a proper connection with me and his grandparents….

Maybe I’m being selfish, maybe I’m worrying for the wrong reasons but it’s beginning to emotionally affect me in quite a big way.

Any advise is appreciated guys.

Thank you

 

[concerneddaughter]

@johnwebster Yep. Your ex is screwing you.

Colds happen. Your son is going to be sick many times in their life; part of your job as a parent is to setup your living situation and job so you can care for your son when that happens.

You should also have access to your child’s doctors and attend medical appointments.

Colds typically don’t last three weeks. If your son is that sick, you should definitely know why.

Do you have a lawyer? A set custody court order? If not, start working on getting both.

Note that courts look at where the child sleeps each night, who takes care of them when sick, who makes and attends medical appointments and other similar data when deciding on custody.

You’ve went weeks without parenting time voluntarily. If that trend continues it could impact any future custody discussions.

 

[johnwebster]

@concerneddaughter Thankyou very much! A lot of relevant and useful information I’ll be using accordingly, ahhh Monday can’t come soon enough!

 

[llewelyn]

@johnwebster I know it sucks cause I'm going thru this myself. I have similar concerns as you do to.. I think it definitely hurts your relationship and bond with him..my ex kept our one year old son away from me for 8 months.....and she has missed 6 weeks of court ordered visitations so far. Yes I have a lawyer and we have final trial coming up on Wednesday.

I hope he will remember me when I see him again. The judge will probably order you to do a step up plan because your son's unfamiliar with you still. I wish you guys the best. Good luck.

 

[johnwebster]

@llewelyn Thanks man, it’s no way to treat a father, especially one who wants to play a big part in their child’s life. With my ex I believe it’s her personal feelings driving her decisions rather than letting things be as they should be. It will not look good on her for missing the visitations neither, good luck to you dude! All the best to you and your son

 

[llewelyn]

@johnwebster Ah your ex uses her feelings as fact's too huh? Does she self harm by chance?

Thanks man and same to you and yours. Family court sucks.

 

[mainten84]

@johnwebster Mate, you need to assert your rights here.

Otherwise your ex gets to establish a pattern for the kids care. Without you in it. I’d immediately get your solicitor to write a strong letter. And if no response involve the police. Even if they take no action (it’s unlikely that they will) you’ll have a record of the attempt to assert your right to access to your own child.

Unless you can get all the interaction on email or WhatsApp or whatever medium...

 

[johnwebster]

@mainten84 Cheers mate, I do have a record of communication between me and my ex, a collection of messages from me asking to see my son again and again, being denied again and again, as well as requesting some medical documents such as a recent prescription or a doctors note advising he stay indoors, all of which was denied…

I’ll be honest I haven’t got the first idea about my legal rights in regards to my son, I’m on the birth certificate and do my part in the provision and maintenance, I always want to see him and it was never a problem up until nearly a month ago, as if my relationship with my son is now an inconvenience to my Ex…

I appreciate what you’ve said pal it’s opened my eyes even more and I’ll definitely be taking it to the solicitors ASAP, I just fear that despite being on the birth certificate and my son having my second name, I won’t have a leg to stand on as it’s my ex who has him 24/7, but certainly by no choice of my own.

I’ll see how it plays out anyway, cheers again!