When should I stop calling my 2 y/o daughter fat? When will she develop self esteem?

[ukmum]

I will probably get a lot of hate for this but in our culture it is normal. I always tell my daughter how pretty, bonita,linda, cute,Hermosa, beautiful she is. But we also call her gordita or gordis. When I call her fat girl or chubby checkers she reacts like it's the coolest thing in the world. I know one day she will develop a sense of self esteem and grow to hate those names.

In our culture these names seem to be normal and can follow a person around I to adulthood but eventually I know we should stop.

 

[sirhash]

@ukmum Yesterday

 

[overcomer2]

@ukmum I used to date a Hispanic guy, and they called his brother Gordo as a full nickname. He had eating disorders and very low self esteem directly from them calling him that, and never stopping. It doesn’t matter how common in your culture it is, if it’s still rude.

 

[rose2017]

@ukmum Where is she growing up? How much LatAm influence does she have around her? How will she interpret the word based on those things.

 

[ukmum]

@rose2017 She is growing part time in the US and part time in Nicaragua. She was born in Nicaragua. Her mom only speaks Spanish.

 

[mariahksmith11]

@ukmum lol give her another cooler nickname or she will get used to being called that and accept it from non-family members too. I personally wouldn’t normalize this.

 

[bowell]

@ukmum i feel like calling her pretty girl and not fat girl is probably better…

 

[wxgenx]

@ukmum My little cousin is Honduran and we called her chunky / sausage legs / Gordita until she was like 6 or 7 years old and now as an adult she is very obese. I am only 2 years older than her so even as a 3 year old I was referring to her as fat because that’s what my mom & tía would do. It really damaged her self image. That being said , I have a seven month old son now and occasionally I say things like “I love your little chunky legs “ or “I love my little squishy baby” I think when he starts to talk and mimic words I will no longer talk about his weight at all. For now, he doesn’t quite seem to understand much of anything we tell him haha. I’m gonna presume we will stop when is 1.5 years. I also am planning more children so I think I will not be commonly saying things like that about my future children because I don’t want to teach my son to call his sibling fat.

I think it’s also in your culture and so ultimately, you need to determine if it is detrimental to her future mental health. Is it a good thing to be chunky? Is it a good thing to be a little extra squishy? Is everyone loving and accepting of everyone’s bodies as they are? Are you reinforcing that she is perfect and beautiful the way she is? Do you also compliment her about how smart / talented / clever / athletic / kind / helpful / curious she is? Because all of those other factors also heavily influence how she is going to take a nickname from you. If it is coming from genuine adoration and love, it might not be too big of a deal. Either way. I would stop referring to her by her body image starting now and try giving her a nickname that is uplifting

 

[texaspete]

@ukmum If you’re already worried/thinking about it just stop now.

 

[lethimhear]

@ukmum You’re getting a lot of hate on this post, but it is honestly common to call babies fat or chunky to say that their baby fat is cute. It is normal. The teacher at my daycare loves to call my baby son fat and she means it only with affection.

I think that now that she is two and beginning to understand what words mean, I would stop using it. Instead of calling her Gordita, you may want to describe what it is about her that you love instead: “I love your cute cheeks! I love your little legs!”

 

[ukmum]

@lethimhear I am actually not getting as much hate as I thought, there seems to be quite a few people that understand.

It's not like we straight up call her fat. It's all with affection. I always tell her how much I love her chubby cheeks.

 

[ivi67]

@ukmum

I will probably get a lot of hate for this but in our culture it is normal

Why are you making a post about it here if you already know you’re just going to get people making comments about how awful they think your behaviour is? Are you just trying to stir up trouble?

If you want actual advice from people who have the same mindset as you, you’ll need to post in a sub specific to your culture.

 

[sophiab]

@ivi67 For real…

 

[ukmum]

@ivi67 I was actually looking for advice. I was googling when kids develop self-esteem and was genuinely curious about your guy's opinion on the matter.

I said I would probably get a lot of hate because there are a lot of hating ass snowflakes on reddit.

Also I am American and my wife is Nicaraguan. I didn't realize this parenting sub reddit was only for people of your culture.

 

[peachykeen]

@ukmum I would literally never call my daughter fat or anything resembling that word??? It’s OKAY to break cultural norms. I was the chubby chunky fat kid growing up and all it did was hurt me and have very disordered feelings around food. All it would do is add fuel to the fire if it was coming from family too. Especially if your child isn’t over weight then you are just leading into body dysmorphia territory.

 

[gypsyjill88]

@ukmum Babies start to recognize their names anywhere between 7-10 months meaning you probably should have started exercising caution around that time. On the flip side my family calls each other this and I haven’t seen anyone get butt hurt so . Side note though I have a congenital birth defect so my family instilled in me that people can say or call you whatever they want that doesn’t make it true it just makes them an asshole lol