Quick backstory, I don't have a biological kid, but I've been dating someone for 3 years+ now that has a wonderful young 7 year old girl, looks up to me as her father (her actual father doesn't really pay child support or even ask to see her). - as someone who never really wanted kids (and couldn't have any), I fell in love with this kid and have really stepped up my game to be the best role model I can for her, be it working a steady job, not swearing in front of her and speaking correctly. Sure she has me wrapped around her finger but I'm trying to not buy her everything she wants... but that's a story for another time.
Driving the kid to school daily isn't an option. I don't live with her and her mother, and even though I work from home, I see them on weeknights and weekends. We live too far apart and need to rely on the school bus.
Recently one of the young boys on the bus has taken it upon himself to be the gang leader and jerk to ruin Christmas this year and make as many little kids cry by telling them the reality of who Santa really is. The younger kids don't know how to handle it so they were all upset.
I'll call my kid Jane and her ex-best friend girl Dani, and the boy Jayden.
Disclaimer: I'm going largely by what my kid has told me, what the other parent has corroborated and my own experience as being the picked-on kid for simply having auburn hair on my own school bus in the early 90s.
So, Jayden decided to ruin christmas for as many little kids as possible, because why not.
Dani and Jane started crying, and then got made fun of by other older kids on the bus for crying. Realising this, Dani took to making fun of Jane like a pecking order.
Jane will back down from a situation as she's still 7 and wasn't doesn't have the demeanor to be pushy.
Jane and Dani were besties last year, but Dani has some father issues namely because he's never there. Jane likes to talk about me on the bus, apparently and that started some friction between the two.
Last school year, in 1st grade, the two of them got in trouble a lot for swearing. Jane insists that Dani would start it and get her to say bad words but Jane was always the one to get caught... I take this with a grain of salt, because I know I used to pull some stunts at school as a kid; kids think swearing is funny because it's taboo, and the words are new and foreign to them... and I used to lie about it... I know how kids are sometimes.
The other day Dani has asked Jane to yell swears on the bus (including yelling the words Cnt, F*k, Duchebag and the N word), but because Jane knows it's wrong, refused to say any of them (according to Jane*) - Dani then sets in calling her fat, short, ugly, talking too much, talking funny, smelling bad, etc. It's enough to get Jane to cry almost twice a week now. Dani also seems at times to go to some extreme measures to get Jane in trouble.
We aren't quite at the point where Jane doesn't want to ride the bus, but she knows we both work and can't bring her.
Now, my question is, as the guy she looks up to as a parental figure, what can I do to encourage her to be able to ride the bus, and stick up for herself?
Keep in mind we have already done the following, or the following has occurred:
The way I handled it in the early 90s was violence, and I don't want to advocate that for her as a solution. I settled my issue by punching the guy who after 2 years of bullying on the bus, went and dumped a yoohoo on my head during yearbook picture day. I hit him square in the face with all my might and put him on his butt, and even though we fought we then, we ended up become friends years later. I used to pray he didn't pick on me every day, but whatever, my past is my past.
I want her to be able to reach resolution, or at least a compromise, but I fear the pecking order of the school bus is going to really take it's toll on her self esteem. I want her to find her own way, but also want to guide her and we're at the point where we want to sit down and really have the talk with Jane, but don't want to get off on the wrong foot, or seem like we're going around the situation to get Dani in trouble, or it could spell more issues down the road if Dani gets wind of it.
Driving the kid to school daily isn't an option. I don't live with her and her mother, and even though I work from home, I see them on weeknights and weekends. We live too far apart and need to rely on the school bus.
Recently one of the young boys on the bus has taken it upon himself to be the gang leader and jerk to ruin Christmas this year and make as many little kids cry by telling them the reality of who Santa really is. The younger kids don't know how to handle it so they were all upset.
I'll call my kid Jane and her ex-best friend girl Dani, and the boy Jayden.
Disclaimer: I'm going largely by what my kid has told me, what the other parent has corroborated and my own experience as being the picked-on kid for simply having auburn hair on my own school bus in the early 90s.
So, Jayden decided to ruin christmas for as many little kids as possible, because why not.
Dani and Jane started crying, and then got made fun of by other older kids on the bus for crying. Realising this, Dani took to making fun of Jane like a pecking order.
Jane will back down from a situation as she's still 7 and wasn't doesn't have the demeanor to be pushy.
Jane and Dani were besties last year, but Dani has some father issues namely because he's never there. Jane likes to talk about me on the bus, apparently and that started some friction between the two.
Last school year, in 1st grade, the two of them got in trouble a lot for swearing. Jane insists that Dani would start it and get her to say bad words but Jane was always the one to get caught... I take this with a grain of salt, because I know I used to pull some stunts at school as a kid; kids think swearing is funny because it's taboo, and the words are new and foreign to them... and I used to lie about it... I know how kids are sometimes.
The other day Dani has asked Jane to yell swears on the bus (including yelling the words Cnt, F*k, Duchebag and the N word), but because Jane knows it's wrong, refused to say any of them (according to Jane*) - Dani then sets in calling her fat, short, ugly, talking too much, talking funny, smelling bad, etc. It's enough to get Jane to cry almost twice a week now. Dani also seems at times to go to some extreme measures to get Jane in trouble.
We aren't quite at the point where Jane doesn't want to ride the bus, but she knows we both work and can't bring her.
Now, my question is, as the guy she looks up to as a parental figure, what can I do to encourage her to be able to ride the bus, and stick up for herself?
Keep in mind we have already done the following, or the following has occurred:
- The bus driver knows, and will keep an eye out for it, but the bus is packed and hectic
- The teacher knows but both girls have been in trouble in the past for swearing (they are in 2nd grade, but not the same homeroom)
- All parential parties know what's going on, minus Jayden's family
- her mother and I have discussed various ways to reach her on this, but haven't yet acted
The way I handled it in the early 90s was violence, and I don't want to advocate that for her as a solution. I settled my issue by punching the guy who after 2 years of bullying on the bus, went and dumped a yoohoo on my head during yearbook picture day. I hit him square in the face with all my might and put him on his butt, and even though we fought we then, we ended up become friends years later. I used to pray he didn't pick on me every day, but whatever, my past is my past.
I want her to be able to reach resolution, or at least a compromise, but I fear the pecking order of the school bus is going to really take it's toll on her self esteem. I want her to find her own way, but also want to guide her and we're at the point where we want to sit down and really have the talk with Jane, but don't want to get off on the wrong foot, or seem like we're going around the situation to get Dani in trouble, or it could spell more issues down the road if Dani gets wind of it.
