The only thing I'd suggest is considering therapy for yourself as well. An over night change from the life of a care free 24 year old bachelor to that of single parent of an emotionally scarred child is a lot for anyone to take in and adjust to. A little help processing it all couldn't hurt.
@mercantilewriter Why am I crying? This story got me so emotional. You’re doing great. I know this will be a long hard journey for you both but you’re lucky to have each other.
@mercantilewriter This is so sweet. Good call following the instinct to wait to introduce him to your girlfriend. I know she’ll want to meet him soon but strongly suggest waiting until his therapist thinks it is a good idea.
@mercantilewriter So happy to find this update! I have a 6 and 4 year old. Whether you know you're going to be a parent beforehand or find out last minute like you did, there's no true way to be prepared, you just do it and learn along the way. I wish you guys the best of luck and happiness, and it looks like you're off to a great start!
@mercantilewriter What an amazing start to a wonderful father son relationship. He’s probably feeling just as uncertain as you are in all of this. You’re already showing him that he can trust you, which makes all the difference. Best of luck to you in this new found journey of parenthood.
(And a little secret for you, none of us parents actually know what we’re doing. We are ALL winging it every day. )
@mercantilewriter Thanks for the great update! I’m glad you waited on introducing the girlfriend, it would be a lot and he needs you all to himself right now. I’m so happy you have each other. Children are such a wonderful and precious gift. If you can handle another update after he meets your mom, give us the tea. God bless you and Jack.
@mercantilewriter What a beautiful update. Sad that his mom passed, I am so glad through that he found his Dad, and a gentle one who can set a good example for him. You might want to consider to enroll him in therapy (in addition to physicals, dentist, etc) to help with digesting all of this. It’s a lot.
@mercantilewriter Amazing. Way to step up. Parenting is HARD and I can’t imagine starting parenthood with a 5 year old you just met. Sounds like you know what you’re doing, and you love your son.
Be sure to take care of yourself. Lean on others for help. You got this.
@mercantilewriter This is fantastic and I'm really in your corner here, seems like we all are. Being a dad is the best thing that ever happened to me, and while I have no real wisdom to offer, it sounds like you are already on a good path. Your heart is absolutely guiding you in the right direction. Please keep us up to date on your journey here.
I know this kid has been through a lot but he's really really lucky you're there.
You're doing great work so far. The trick to the whole thing is creating an emotional bond and letting him lean on you and trust you. Then you can guide him.
Love him unconditionally and let him know he's safe.
@mercantilewriter So glad you were able to start off with a common interest! That will help as your bonding "thing." I am so happy to hear you are both doing well and that he has you! Good luck to you guys!
@mercantilewriter Glad to hear you had a good start. Just remember, there will be ups and downs. Grief is a fickle thing. Some days he will do great, others it might hit him like a brick wall.
And it can show up in many different ways. Crying is the obvious one, but getting angry, testing boundaries is also very common. He might want to (subconsciously) want to test you to make sure you won't leave him, too, even if he's "bad".
Especially if his mom was doing drugs, it might take him a while to get used to regular routines. Brushing teeth is just one of them. FYI: Our dentist recommends that parents do a final brushing of teeth after the kid is done for at least until they're 6 years old to make sure the teeth really are clean.
@mercantilewriter Not sure if you'll ever read this but WOW major props to you! I know you said you know nothing about being a parent but no one does right away from what you've shared it sounds like you already are a great dad! Keep up the good work. It'll get easier as time goes on.
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