Unfollowed OurSignedWorld

[writergirlrs]

I try to curate who I follow on social media so it doesn’t trigger my guilt as OAD by choice mother. I was following @oursignedworld who was proudly OAD. Now they are second guessing (one of the reasons is because their child is asking for a sibling). Which is fine, whatever.

What is triggering to me were all the comments. The same ole “I wish I had a sibling to help get through my parents older years”, “siblings are SO important”, “I was lonely”, “you’ll never regret having another child, just the one you don’t have”.

Before I became a mother, I never was aware of the pressure of having more children or the stigma of an only. I was an only for 7 years before my sister (surprise, we aren’t close) and my dad was an only.

I know other people’s experiences aren’t my family’s reality. I have 0 desire for another child. I have no desire to be responsible for another. I love my son, but to be frank, having a child is overly romanized. I often gaslight myself into thinking I am being lazy for not providing a support for my son.

Just another reminder that social media is terrible for one’s mental health!

 

[gotjesusromans109]

@writergirlrs I’d rather regret a child I don’t have, than one I did have. And comment sections are the worst … I said from the comment section.

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@gotjesusromans109 And honestly, there are people who DO regret their children, but are too ashamed to say it out loud. Having a child you don't really want isn't fair to anyone.

 

[paulcanpat]

@ababwaalijaz I knew a family that had two daughters and several years later had two boys. It was painfully obvious the mother wished she had stopped at two. I felt so sorry for the boys.

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@paulcanpat I think this is more common than people realize or want to believe - even if a person doesn't SAY it, you can FEEL it. And honestly, children know if their parents are unhappy. It would take a lot of conscious effort for a truly regretful parent to NOT let it show. Some people know they are struggling and deliberately have more; others only realize they've made the wrong choice after they have one kid too many, and then there is no going back. This is why I say you really need to want have a(nother) child before taking that step.

 

[momo]

@paulcanpat My SIL is like this! Both boys were not planned and while she was somewhat excited by the first, the second time she was just pissed and angry all the time. It’s resulted in their second being basically ignored. He’s almost 2 and can’t speak pretty much at all. They finally put him in speech therapy but only because their doctor pushed for it. His older sibling gets to do softball, gymnastics, and swim class while he himself gets to do nothing. Older sibling had a birthday party at a trampoline park, and he will be getting family only bday at their house. They also do this weird thing where they spend one on one time with the oldest all the time, and leave little bro with grandparents. But they never give him one on one time and leave older bro with the grandparents. It’s painfully obvious she didn’t want a second or really a first if I’m honest. And she had out loud said in front of all our children than we shouldn’t have more, that one is good enough. And I’m like…. Yeah I know that’s why I had one and am done. And made sure we would not accidentally have a second.

 

[fudge]

@gotjesusromans109 I say the same!!

 

[dian11]

@writergirlrs It rubbed me the wrong way that in their video they said they have been making “one and done” content for a long time but they admitted that behind the scenes they haven’t really been strictly one and done, they have always thought they might have more. I wish they would have just been upfront about that from the start before making so many videos about being one and done.

 

[momma5]

@dian11 Same. It's okay to be a fencesitter, but why pretend you're not. It just adds fuel to the "you'll change your mind!" fire.

 

[writergirlrs]

@dian11 Yeah, it rubbed me the wrong way too for the same reason.

 

[alleychan]

@writergirlrs I also unfollowed for that reason. I was super bummed when I saw their video. So you’re not alone.

 

[schmuelsons]

@dian11 Oneanddoneparenting is a pretty good account to follow on insta. They are staunchly OAD and she's even written articles for MacLeans Magazine about it.

 

[dierato]

@schmuelsons I unfollowed them for a while before that article because they were debating about having a second. Like that's your choice to make, but I don't want to see that content specifically on an Instagram called "one and done parenting."