Uncontrollable swearing?

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lidiya63

New member
Parent who had kids who had a habit of cussing alot how did you get them to stop?
As my brother (6M) has a habit of swearing and cussing people as much as possible thx to tiktok, my parents and i have tried everything from explaining to punishment, but he would always apologise then immediately cuss again as soon as we started to walk away. So we tried as a last option to ignore it all and pretend he wasn’t cussing so he would get bored eventually but that only made him more mad and now he started to say the n-word ( we are a family of light skin tone arabs) so we have been getting really desperate to get him to stop.

Any advice?

Edit: my brother began that happened when he was 4, my mother had a Tumor in her brain that needed surgery to remove, which us to leave my brother, including my younger siblings to my mother-side relative for about a year. My relatives are the type of people who blow important things away, like they don’t care about school or a heathy diet and don’t hold their younger around kids, they even in courage it.

4 months after the surgery my mother did go back to the house with my relative and i was mostly outside the house working with my dad( he was staying with his mother), and only staying with my mom to help her with a few thing before leaving. My brother never did these things while my mom was around until we finally left my relative house a year later when he was 5, and only it has gotten worse.
 
@lidiya63 My middle child and youngest had a bad habit of cussing thanks to their stepfuckhead (stepdad) and their mom thinking it was funny to teach a 7 year old and 5 year old to call everyone a cunt, bitch, motherfucker and throw a few slurs in just for good measure. Once I got full custody my wife made a board, basically writing down how many days they’d gone without cussing and the corresponding reward, took us months to even get to a day but we did and it all worked out well lol. Positive reinforcement Is the best way in my opinion
 
@westcoastmagazine We have tried that which started the whole im sorry thing, we would reward him for apologise and not swearing each day but after a month he went back to his habits, now he cuss before getting anything just to say sorry im not gonna do it again then immediately do it again. He start dojng this because we left him getting babysat by my relatives (we were in the same house) but my mom wasnt consious and i was mostly outside the house working with my dad and my siblings were too young to understand, so my relatives kept encouraging him to swear they kept letting play horror games and he keeps doing disgusting acts( but we managed to get that under control for the most part).
 
@lidiya63 Is there a reason a 6 year old is watching Tik Tok? I’d probably start by taking away the source of what makes him swear. I understand there may be some older kids that watch that but they need to do it away from him. No videos of ppl swearing, no ppl swearing inside the house, no hanging out with ppl who swear.

I can’t imagine in what capacity my 6 year old would start profusely swearing (and she’s not an easy kid). It’s just not something we allow around her at all.
 
@mygisfy Its was my relatives they let him use their phones when they babysat him for us when my mom was in the hospital, they let him play games like pubg and see things he shouldn’t have and now we are dealing with this, he uses to be a calm kid but with him spending a year with my relatives ended up badly.
 
@lidiya63 I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the situation has gotten better for you all. So it seems like he’s had a year dealing with a lot (a sick mom, having to spend time with relatives who didn’t set boundaries etc). It’s no wonder he’s acting out a bit.

You’re going to have to gently, slowly “re-wire” (for lack of a better term) him, undoing the bad habits he’s picked up the past year. Gently but firmly correct him, over and over, that certain words are not appropriate. You all are going to have to lead by example as well (no swearing where he can hear).

Set up a reward system when he’s spent a certain of time not swearing and a consequence when he’s slipped up (for ex, a chore when he’s sworn twice in a day).

It’s going to take a little bit of time but this is definitely fixable. Good luck to you and Godspeed to your family (hope mama is better)!
 
@lidiya63 Talk with them. "I don't want that we talk like this with each other. It is disrespectful. We don't deserve to be talked to like this. It is unpleasant and makes people not listen to what you are saying."
 
@katrina2017 We have tried that but my brother doesn’t speak english and we haven’t found a therapist who speaks Arabic in my city, he can speak a few sentences but most of it is arabic.
 
@lidiya63 Okay, so first off - the problem here isn't your brother using bad words. He's not bad or ruined. The problem is your brother is suffering and children don't know how to voice this. Losing his mother at 5 to live with a relative who might care for him, but doesn't really love him, is the most disruptive thing that could happen to a child of that age. Try to be empathetic to the fact the connection he feels to his family is tenuous and strained. Children act out by stringing together profanity because it garners attention, negative attention or not, people care about what they're doing. All he is doing is trying to get attention. The best way to break this habit to pay attention to him, let him know you value your relationship with him by spending focused positive time together, focused on doing what he wants to do. Be nice to him. When this kid believes in his heart that he is loved and valued by his family, he'll respond to what they ask from him.

Above all he is not swearing because he's bad or was ruined by these other people or TikTok. Don't focus on the negative behavior, if anything ignore it, and ask yourself what he needs. This child was told his mother is dying then plopped in front of a screen to deal with that, while everyone ignored him for months, at the time in his life when he needed love and security more than anything. I guarantee he'll stop when he feels secure and valued. I'm sorry this happened to your family. Inshallah, he will find his way, but he needs help.
 
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