Toy ownership

[vladimir30]

I posted this in r/parenting as well, but thought there might be a more concentrated audience here.

I (32M) have two children, a soon-to-be 5 y/o Daughter and a 7 m/o Son. Daughter is from a previous marriage and lives half a week with mom and the other half with me. Son is from my current relationship. Daughter's mom lives far enough from me, so in about 2 years, when Daughter goes to school, she'll probably live more with mom and I'll be more of a weekend parent due to complicated logistics. At least that's our current plan.

My question comes from sharing toys between Daughter and Son. Both of them have their own toys. Daughter is allowed to take her own toys with her when switching to mom's place. There are also toys that are common between children - e.g. some Legos that are not yet age-appropriate for Son, but we'd like to keep in our collection, instead of losing them to Daughter's other home.

So mu question is - has someone else here been in a similar situation and how did you manage toy ownership? Is the some-owned, some-common solution good or should we try some other arrangement instead? Currently it works fine, since she can play with any toys, including Son's when he's not using them, when she's here, but I'm a little worried about the time when she'll be spending less time here and probably wants to move most of her toys to mom's. And what about toys that were bought to our household after moving in with my current partner, but before Son was born? Can these be considered as shared toys?

 

[katrina2017]

@vladimir30 Save your self the headache op. Just let the toys be toys. If it’s that big of a deal buy duplicates and have them both at your home and her mothers home. If she likes a toy that belongs to your son then go out and buy her one as well.

Edit:Sim-Son

 

[liddie]

@vladimir30 I sometimes feel like that when my son wants to wear a cute pair of shoes I bought or take a toy to dads. But it makes him feel better about the transition. Clothes and shoes seem to disappear at dads, but I’m sure I have stuff here too that he wonders where they went…. Since it’s not really an issue now I wouldn’t worry about it. I bet when your son gets older and shows interest in certain toys you will be able to communicate that with daughter (she’ll be old enough to understand). And I doubt daughter and mom are gonna want to lug a box of LEGO’s back and forth. If daughter does want to take something with her, you could always give her two options of toys to take that your son wouldn’t even notice. “Hey honey, do you wanna take the blue bear or the green toy car to moms?” Just thoughts.

 

[jl83]

@vladimir30 How far away does mom live? If it’s possible to still keep your arrangement, can you not just take her to school on those mornings? That will alleviate some of your concerns because then she’s with you both equally and you wouldn’t have to worry about the toys

 

[hmoon155]

@vladimir30 It’s perfectly reasonable to have some toys stay home and others that are allowed to go back and forth, in all honesty most kids don’t have to take more than one favorite toy back and forth while others never leave the house. No need to make a big deal out of it unless the toys are consistently going to moms and never coming back.

 

[katrina2017]

@vladimir30 If she is almost 5 now, come she won’t be going to school for 2 years when she will be almost 7?

 

[vladimir30]

@katrina2017 We're in Europe, school starts at 7, it's kindergarten until then.

 

[vanpotheos]

@vladimir30 I'd just let things go where they go. I'd also consider if there are things that you don't want her to take, put them aside and make sure she doesn't take them. You can always ask her to leave some things for her brother to play with too. I'm sure a 7 year old will understand that.