Too affectionate with toddler?

[bellzybee]

Was taking to my husband today about how friends of ours like being around us/our toddler (20 months) because he’s affectionate. Their kiddo largely isn’t, but becomes more affectionate when we’re around (e.g., gives a hug if asked if they want to; spontaneously offers hugs/kisses to parents - neither of these happen otherwise). Our kiddo is pretty affectionate - likes to sit in your lap if reading, will spontaneously hug, gives kisses if asked.

My husband made a comment that I “insist” on affection. And I’m now totally in my head about it. Im also stuck on a comment my parents made about me when I was 10 and had a younger (2 year old) sibling - that I kissed them too much.

With my kiddo, I definitely give kisses when we’re playing. If they come sit in my lap, I kiss the top of their head. If I pick them up, I might give a kiss. If we’re getting dressed and they’re fussing, I’ll kiss their little hands and feet to make them giggle. I might tickle and then give a kiss. If they’re hurt, I’ll ask “do you need a hug and a kiss?” I ALWAYS stop if my toddler says no. I will ask for a hug or kiss but if my toddler says no, I never force it or cajole or guilt my kiddo (I just say “okay! Maybe later!” And move on). I do ask them if they want to give so-and-so a hug or kiss (mostly my parents, who live across the country, so it’s by phone).

Is it possible to kiss/hug your kiddo too much? I’m totally in my head about this now.

 

[butterscoth]

@bellzybee I kiss my toddler all day long and tell him I love him a few times a day. You can’t be too affectionate that it becomes detrimental.

 

[uknowheknows]

@bellzybee When I read your post, I was reminded of an old study that found that within an attachment relationship there was 3 categories of caregivers, ones that were not very engaged/attentive, ones that were good enough (good outcomes) and then a small group of exceptionally affectionate caregivers whose children had the best outcomes. I can’t find it now, which is annoying, but I did find this instead: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3118641/
Which says that more affectionate mothers have adult children with lower emotional distress.

 

[godismyjoy]

@uknowheknows I came here to say this! I read this information somewhere in a La Leche League book, that children of “exceptionally affectionate” mothers were the most emotionally regulated, independent, and formed the healthiest attachments in their relationships when they were studied again as adults

 

[agapefalcon]

@bellzybee I'm similar with my daughter, 19.5 months. I kiss her head and cheeks all the time while we play, or I'll kiss her hands or toes when I tickle her or if she shows me a boo-boo. She's definitely in that toddler phase of answering "no" to everything (except for nursing or fruit snacks ) but if we're playing or tickling and she says no, I immediately pull back and say "okay I'll stop."