Toddler sleep help?

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lastacorn99

New member
My daughter (2 yrs 1 mo) has been a unicorn sleeper ever since we sleep trained her around 8 months using extinction. Here is the schedule she was most recently doing great on:
Wake: 7:30 (would sleep longer if we let her)
Nap: 12:30-3 (would sleep longer if we let her)
Bed: 7:30

A couple of weeks ago she had a virus, and tbh her sleep has been strange ever since. She has been cutting her nap very short, not even 1.5 hrs, and waking very upset, screaming my name. She has been waking the same way in the morning, though around the normal time. There have also been a couple of times she’s woken up screaming in the middle of the night as well.

I am not sure what to do with the middle of the night wakings, as we have always ignored these when they (rarely) would happen, but she’s never screamed the way she has been. I’m also worried if I do go in and provide comfort, I may be helping her form a habit/ dependency on me that she didn’t have before.

My bigger concern is the morning/ nap wakeups screaming. She used to wake up so happy and excited to see us but now she seems miserable and is hard to calm for 10-15 mins after waking. Has anyone had this experience with their kiddos?

I realize she’s been on the upper end of sleep needs and may need a schedule adjustment as well, but this is seeming beyond just a schedule change to me. Help?!?!
 
@lastacorn99 She was getting a ton of sleep! Wow. A 1.5 hour nap makes sense if she’s getting 12 hours overnight. Seems like most toddlers get 13 hours (max) in a 24 hour period (for instance mine gets a 1.5 to 2 hour nap and 11 hours overnight). If she’s waking from her nap upset, she’s probably teething or not feeling well. If she’s waking up in the middle of the night screaming, you should comfort her. What if she’s having a bad dream? She may just need a cuddle.
 
@lastacorn99 Wow she sleeps alot for her age:). I think screaming it is a phase and it will pass. I would make sure she is physically okay and has no pain. I would also cut a bit of her sleep. Hope that helps
 
@lastacorn99 I just wanted to mention you're not alone with a big sleep need kiddo. My daughter, same age, sleeps pretty much the same as yours, almost exactly the same schedule too.

The screaming thing could be dreams, or separation anxiety/loss in confidence with being more independent so waking up alone/in the dark can feel more scary. Talk it out, I found adding stuffies and saying good morning to things in the room helped. Also talking about tomorrow's plans at bedtime, like what will happen when you wake up, an exciting thing to do. I try to get my kiddo to be excited for daycare which often works, and this or that choices often distracts her when she's calmed down enough.

But then it all goes out the window when they get sick so sometimes it's throwing everything at a wall to see what sticks. 🥴
 
@clarrisa I really appreciate you saying this. I’m a member of a couple of sleep training groups and they all rush to say that she is sleeping too much and that that is causing all the issues. I realize she’s getting bigger and may need to cut some sleep at some point, but it seems like the recommendation is usually for her to go to sleeping 11 hrs total, and that seems highly unlikely to me. Glad to know that my girl (and me) isn’t alone in this 😊
 
@lastacorn99 Hey, I think those things are just guidelines! Maybe they are taking them too literally, who can tell what is right these days.

I figure that we ALL need sleep to repair and regulate hormones, and kids add growing (while sleeping) on top of that. This is one of those let sleeping dogs lie things, as long as schedule or life allows because who knows when life will throw a curveball or they decide to self reduce their sleep time.
 
@vineyardworker What we tried to teach in sleep training was the ability to fall asleep on her own without parental assistance and to do the same throughout the night. When she has been sick or has had a need, we will always go in. This is what I have been trying to figure out. If it happens occasionally it’s not an issue, and we know she just needs something. If she does this every night at the same time, it’s not a need, it’s a habit. This is what I’m trying to avoid. If you want to judge me for it, go ahead. We have always followed the advice of our pediatrician and what worked for our family. I love my daughter endlessly and am just trying to do the best by her, just like any other parent. No judgement to someone who wants to do it another way.
 
@lastacorn99 If I’m remembering correctly it’s common around this age to start having phases of newly found separation anxiety, and sometimes fear of the dark or bad dreams. I would definitely comfort her because she’s seeking it and it will help her get through this phase and get back into the routine of sleeping on her own with no issue. I strongly think providing comfort in the middle of the night will not become a crutch for her, and especially since she’s sleep trained she’ll likely go back to sleeping like a pro in a week or two when the phase has passed.

Regarding amount of sleep: My son slept this much until he was almost 4! He’s always been a big sleeper. So it’s not necessarily too much sleep. My daughter on the other hand is 2 and needs like 10 hours total 🙃
 
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