Starting to contemplate a second

[patchrex]

Sunday we (me 35F, husband 42M, daughter 3F) went to the an indoor playground. Husband had an interaction with a little boy who was probably 12-15 months old. After the little boy walked away, husband turned to me and said “Maybe we should have another one.”

Since that moment I cannot stop thinking about it. I feel like it opened up something inside me.

I feel like this whole time I’ve been sticking to the OAD storyline because it is what husband wants. Hearing there’s a possibility he wants two is exciting to me!

Here are my reasons (some shitty) for wanting a second, but definitely done after that

1. Having a whole other kid to love. Daughter truly is a joy, even when she’s deep in the 3’s.
2. Balancing out the family. I have heard the term “Team Parents” and “Team Kids” and that appeals to me. I am worried things are too lopsided with just daughter
3. Potential to be a healing pregnancy and newborn experience with baby aspirin prophylaxis. Yes I realize this is not a reason on its own but it could happen. Things could also be same or worse. This falls in the category of shitty reasons.
4. Potential to be a healing sibling experience for husband. His whole childhood and even adult life is colored by his relationship with his (shitty) brother. Seeing a positive sibling relationship could be transformative for him. Or it could be neutral or negative, which is why this is a shitty reason
5. Give daughter more family to grow up with. As much as husband wishes for it, I have serious doubts that my parents will ever move here (from LCOL East Coast to MCOL Midwest), due to financials. It would make me feel like we are a “full family” here and not needing to lean on family of origin for fulfillment.
6. Experience raising a sibling duo. Getting to see them interact. Hopefully we can cultivate a positive relationship.

Reasons against

1. Preeclampsia. Full stop. It was a traumatic experience, especially daughter being on ventilators in the NICU (she was born at 34+0 with some unexplained respiratory issues that have since resolved). It might not happen again, but it might.
2. Husband and I both have mental health issues (me, cyclothymia and him, anxiety… both on meds). Both things that we can pass down and complicate and add stress to daily living
3. I’m pretty sure one is a lot easier than two. See point above about stress.
4. Traveling in plane is much easier with one for visits home
5. Financial implications of two. More daycare, more college to save for
6. Another newborn stage. Baby snuggles are great and all, but I have been high sleep needs lately and not functioning well while tired
7. The challenge of the newborn stage while raising an older child
8. Since we were soooo certain of one and done ever since daughter was a baby, we got rid of all the baby gear. Would need to buy it allll again (though we got much secondhand the first time around)

Feeling like I’m spinning in my thoughts and looking for some input. Thanks!