I’m in a situation where I don’t know what is the right thing to do and I hear divided opinions around me. To summarize the story, about 13 years ago my Wife (now ex) moved from Peru to the United States with our 11 year old son and 7 year old daughter. She had family in the US. I stayed in Peru and the plan was to fix the paperwork so that I can join them in 1-2 years. About 6 months after, she met another guy and had a secret relationship, until I found out and even though I was willing to let it slide for our kids, she didn’t want to continue our relationship. The plan to join them fell through. I always had contact with my kids and they always came to Peru during school breaks. Eventually, I forgave my ex and became very good friends. My family was in good terms with her too. Many years later, when I was in an economic crisis, my son proposed that I should move to the US and he helped me with the paperwork. After a couple years I moved to the US with him (he is 24 years old now). I have been living here for 9 months, was able to get two stable jobs (I want to save to eventually buy a house), stable housing, still learning the language, but I pretty much just got settled. Very recently, my ex broke up with her partner and she had to move with our daughter to another house. Our daughter is 20y/o and is in college and working too. She doesn’t pay her mom for housing expenses or food. Now my ex wants me to give her $500 per month or to convince our daughter to pay for housing expenses, which I’m not comfortable doing since she is in school.
Is that a reasonable request? On one hand I think that someone should pay for part of my daughter’s housing expenses, and if she can’t I should help. On the other hand, I just moved here so it’s a bit unfair for me. She also makes a lot more than I do since she has been living here for many years. My family, when asked for advise, tell me that I shouldn’t give her one cent because she made bad decisions and it’s her karma that she is in this position. I find that a bit unfair but I might not be neutral.
Is that a reasonable request? On one hand I think that someone should pay for part of my daughter’s housing expenses, and if she can’t I should help. On the other hand, I just moved here so it’s a bit unfair for me. She also makes a lot more than I do since she has been living here for many years. My family, when asked for advise, tell me that I shouldn’t give her one cent because she made bad decisions and it’s her karma that she is in this position. I find that a bit unfair but I might not be neutral.