She isn’t a morning person

L

lollylovesyeshua

New member
Hi everyone! This is my first post ever on Reddit but I am S-T-R-U-G-G-L-I-N-G!

I posted this to Facebook so I’m just copying and pasting what I wrote! For context, I am middle school teacher and I have to be at work by 7:30AM (super early, trust me, I know!) I am also a single mommy doing this all on my own.

“You know you’re back to work when you strategically get your child to bed by 7:30, wake her up with kisses, scratches and her favorite songs.... and she STILL fights you during your morning routine. From the clothes she was wearing to brushing her teeth... I am at a loss! No matter what I do, it’s always like this. Do I gave a 3 year old or 13 year old?! LOL! No but seriously.. I understand some people just don’t do mornings but I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle. And as a teacher, I cannot afford to keep being late! Any advice? Anything helps! Happy Monday, everyone!”

As you can imagine, this has caused me to be late more times than I can count. Luckily, my school site has grown to be understanding but I know it’s unfair to my students. However, I don’t like rushing my daughter more than I already do. She deserves a good start to her day as well:

When I go on breaks from work (winter break just ended), I struggle the most. I know that’s due to a break in routine and structure but these waltzes of willpower happen even during our most monotonous weeks. Just looking for any support, words of encouragement or even a, “Hey, you’re doing alright,” LOL! Thanks everyone.

EDIT:
I would like to add, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I get very angry and shout by the time I’ve exhausted all options. Sometimes, it results in a swift spanking. I feel so bad after and apologize during our car ride to her daycare. I tend to over explain myself but I want her to understand my frustrations since it normally ends with her crying and saying that I’m rude and hurt her feelings ):

Signed,
A feeling hopeless Mommy
 
@lollylovesyeshua Oh mama I am sorry for your struggle. Do you prep everything the night before? Lay out clothes, pack bags, have hygiene products set up, etc? No matter what you ARE doing a good job. You are not alone with this. My daughter is only 1 but I've nannied enough and have enough mom friends to know this is normal. (Not to mention my own morning slump) Keep moving forward and maybe stick to the same wake up routine (if maybe an hr later) during the short breaks.
 
@lollylovesyeshua One, it's ok if she gets to daycare in pajamas sometimes.:)

Two, at this age, one thing I've found super helpful is to make getting ready a game as much as possible. Challenge her to see who can get dressed first - can she beat you getting pants on? Can she beat her fastest time? "i bet you can't go potty before I do!" is one I use almost every day to get my kid to go before bed, for example.

I've had to do this with both my kids and usually does wonders for my morning mental state (though I often end up frazzled, it definitely makes things easier)
 
@joylakala What a great idea!! I love the concept of making it a game or challenge. Not sure about the pajamas to school and another person mentioned the same thing! I’ll be inquiring tomorrow, thank you very much!!
 
@lollylovesyeshua What’s her bedtime routine? Maybe she needs more sleep. At 3, both my kids were in bed around 6pm and slept for 13 hours. My 7 year old is in bed for 7.15pm and up at 6.45am. So they do need a lot of sleep. I know it must be hard doing it all yourself and fitting in a good routine but that would be the first thing I looked at. If she does get enough good quality sleep (is not wakening at night), you may want to have her iron levels checked.

Secondly, does she have her own alarm clock? She may respond better to that than you lol. You could wake her earlier to give her more time to get up and wake up. Agree with the poster who said take her to nursery in her pjs. I’ve done that before. I also used to let my daughter as a toddler sleep in clean clothes so she just got up and was already dressed for the next day. Cut out a step in the morning lol.

Good luck!
 
@freddie Bedtime routine is pretty consistent. We change into jammies, she plays with her uncles (which are her age) and then we lay down for bed. She likes to listen to a Sleepcast on Headspace to fall asleep. I’ve found that gets her to bed quickly without actual screen time.

I love the idea of her own alarm clock!! Thank you for the idea!!
 
@lollylovesyeshua I used to have to drop my daughter off at 6:15. The only absolute necessity was brushing teeth and hair and using the toilet.

I had her breakfast and lunch packed for the next day.

She slept in leggings or sweats.

I could have her up and out the door in under 10 minutes.

If I had to, I could physically set her on the toilet, brush her teeth, brush her hair and put her shoes and coat on. On a good day, she would do those things herself.
 
@lollylovesyeshua She definitely needs an earlier bedtime. And spanking and shouting at a 3yo?

Our 3yo needs at least 11-12 hrs at night, even with a 1-1.5hr nap in the afternoon. He would be an absolute bear in the morning if he had less. And no amount of convincing, yelling, or spanking would make it better or get him moving faster.
 
@ngansale Will try to get her to bed earlier than 7:30 and see how that helps.

Also, I’m not perfect nor do I claim to be. I’m learning to break generational toxicity. Thank you for the comment.
 
@ngansale Just have to comment because not all children need this much sleep. Like adults some need a lot and some don't. My son sleeps 10hrs most nights and if we're lucky 1.5 hours for his nap midday. He had never slept much and it's just the way he is.
Also, OP feels bad about getting worked up so no need to point it out to her again.
Now, my son is also a real struggle in the morning. He's happy until it's time to get dressed. We work with routine. Get up, cuddle, book then nappy and getting dressed. He will fight and cry most mornings about the nappy and getting dressed. We just roll with it. It's just that he doesn't like being forced to do those things. But it's life. Sometimes you don't things you don't like. By the time he had breakfast he's happy again.
 
@lollylovesyeshua Talk to your day care and see how they feel about showing up in pajamas. I have had to take my son in pajamas several times because he was being a pill. Sometimes the idea of showing up in pajamas kick starts the kid it works with my son at least. Good luck mama you are not alone in this toddlers are hard!
 
@lollylovesyeshua My son is exactly like this. When I try to avoid it I turn the tv on in his room when I wake him giving him something else to focus on. Also its easiest when I wake him up at least an hour before we leave

And I let him pick his clothes the night before....doesnt always help though.
 
@themaccauk11 We picked our clothes out together just now, I’m hoping it will help the morning struggle!

We may have to just start our routine earlier to ease her waking up! Might be that I rush her too quickly out of deep sleep. Thank you so much!
 
@lollylovesyeshua Wherever possible, give her a choice ("Do you want to eat a banana or applesauce?" "Do you want to wear your kitty shirt or your heart shirt?"). If she won't choose, you make the choice for her. "You had the opportunity to choose and you didn't take it. You HAVE to wear clothes, and it's important to be on time."

Alternatively, if you can do something together, do that, so you brush your hair and teeth together, put your shoes on together, etc..

You might try waking her up a little earlier and either cuddling with her, or waking her up with something interesting ("I need your help unloading the dishwasher" and she puts the spoons in the drawer, or ask her to help you decide if you should wear this dress or that one to work). Distraction is a fantastic helper too - if you're in the middle of a fight, mention something distracting to her and when you come back to the subject of the fight, you may have less resistance. With my daughter, at bedtime, she'll be SO fussy and then I say, "Good night, toothbrush." and every time she'll blow it a kiss and be done with the fussing.

As for losing your patience, what helps me with my 2yo diva is remembering that girls experience emotion in a pretty raw way, and it takes a LOT of practice to keep everything under control. They're little and they don't have that practice yet. It's not a personal attack against you, she's just overwhelmed with feeling like she doesn't want to brush her teeth, and if she's not a morning person, then her hard-to-shake-sleepiness makes her less in-control than other times of the day. Sometimes I have to take my daughter and say, "I'm really sorry that you're not choosing to help me [do this thing], but I have to do this to take care of you. I always love you." and then do the thing for her (usually it's change a diaper - she resists EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!)
 
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