Sandwich era. Finances and other things

[webslave]

I (38F) am 95% OAD.
I’m one of 3 and have great relationships with my siblings which is the only thing that doesn’t make me 100% OAD at this moment but I’m sure I’ll end up there.

My parents migrated to the US when I was about 7 y/o. Growing up we struggled financially, grew up poor, didn’t have much financial education. I messed up my credit in my 20s, didn’t save or invest. In my 30s I’ve turned things around and have managed to fix my credit, buy our first home, save, invest for retirement, etc. I finally reached the 100k salary, which doesn’t seem like much nowadays. My parents were financially irresponsible and now rely on my siblings and I to help them. Because I was reckless in my 20s I need to catch up and will be doing so for a while. I don’t have the extra income to go to a second. My parents depend partially on me and so does my child.
I want to ensure I’m not a burden for her which is why I want to be financially responsible and invest for the future.
In addition, I want to have a certain lifestyle, travel a broad at least once a year,eat out, enjoy a hobby or two, plus all the costs of my child which is about 2k a month.
I just don’t see how I can do it and not be sacrificing my future wellbeing and my child’s as well as my current lifestyle. I’m miserable when I don’t get to do the things that I want. Outside of parenting; traveling, hobbies, eating out are the things that bring me joy.

 

[lanae]

@webslave I don't have any advice but I could have written this. I'd want another kid if we won the Powerball. The truth is that love is infinite, but resources aren't.

 

[webslave]

@lanae Right! I don’t want to put my family in a position where we would struggle, I’ve already lived that life. I want better things for my child and myself and would like to be set for retirement.

 

[stevensloan]

@lanae I literally said that to my husband this morning. I need a sudden and large influx of money before we could afford another child.

 

[srracing]

@webslave It sounds like you shouldn't have another. Money does matter and people can say siblings are the best gift you can give your child, but financial security is a really really good gift. No guarantees about what their relationships will be. I'm one of 3 and I love my siblings, but we don't talk to each other much.

Also, you never know with fertility. I'm 37 and had no trouble conceiving my first but now have secondary infertility ttc a second child. It's unfortunately really common.

 

[webslave]

@srracing So sorry you are going thru that.

 

[chanch0]

@webslave We are also in a spot where financial stability will most likely trump how many kids we want. I think I’m getting to the point where the idea of another is wonderful, but I like the idea of being comfortable and stress free financially more than another child. I also have good relationships with my siblings, and it makes me sad that my son will most likely never have that experience. But, he deserves parents who are happy and a life that is not lacking.

 

[webslave]

@chanch0 I agree with this 100%z

 

[milandulovic]

@webslave Do you siblings have similar age children? Perhaps a tight cousin bond could fill that gap..

The cost of living is insane right now, and a huge reason why I am also on the fence about whether or not to have another.

Sounds like you’re an excellent parent and really working hard to give your kid (s) a great head start in life

 

[webslave]

@milandulovic Thank you, I appreciate your comment. I’m trying the best I can.
Cost of living is absolutely insane and I worry about my daughter’s financial future.

Unfortunately my siblings don’t have children yet and by the time one of them do, my daughter will be much older.

 

[gtcc]

@webslave From what I heard it’s often not financial loss going from one child to two; three is a different story, but time loss.

 

[webslave]

@gtcc How can there not be financial loss? A second child would be another 2k a month when we include daycare, diapers, etc.
I’m not taking away what my first child already has to give to a second is not if a second come I can take my first out of daycare and even if she’s out of daycare I still have to invest for her future, pay for after school care, activities, etc. her monthly budget might decrease by a little but not enough to bring on a mother budget.
I know some people have kids and just “figure it out” by I can’t do that. Is not fair to my first born nor is is fair to me. I’m trying to provide a better life than what I had for both of us.

 

[mommygirl]

@webslave Than DONT have another kid!