S.O.S. Second baby coming tomorrow and I’m panicking

[rickram]

I’m currently the dad of an 18 month old boy. He is the culmination of all the things I have done in my life. He is my best friend and the reason I wake up in the morning. Tomorrow, my fiancé is being induced with our second(*surprise) baby and I’m really struggling.
We’ve nested and readied ourselves for the arrival of another child. Tonight is our last night as a family of three. What i’m really struggling with is that we are going to the hospital tomorrow. Our son is going to spend his very first night away from home(at his grandparents), without one of his parents. At some point tomorrow I am going to pick up my baby boy, my first born, the most perfect thing I have ever made, I’ll put him down, tell him good bye; We’ll go to the hospital, have a baby, who I’ll hold and will be amazingly tiny and when I pick my boy up I know he is going to feel so heavy. How do I prepare myself for that? How did y’all cope? How do you handle two under two?

 

[hailwv]

@rickram Such thoughts are the norm. And, frankly, it’s better to have such thoughts than “everything will be so great” and then be disappointed. Because it will be really hard. There may be childhood jealousy; you need to understand that the older child will receive less attention. But you need to: 1) Explain to him that you love him just as much 2) Don’t use the phrases “you’re older, help with your younger brother or sister” 3) Give him quality time. For example, he goes for a walk only with mom (dad stays with the younger one) or plays at home with dad alone, while the younger one is out for a walk. If you organize everything correctly and surround them with love, then everything will be fine. Strength to you!

 

[westcoastdan]

@rickram Oh man I feel you on this one, my son was 2 and a half when my daughter arrived and both my wife and I had some anxieties about what was going to happen.

Our son is the kindest, sweetest most joyful little boy and we had concerns about how the arrival of blob number 2 was going to impact our perfect little family unit and the effects it might have on him. For various reasons we ended up being in hospital for a week and during that time my son spent all his time at my parents, this was a huge shock to him as due to Covid he’d spent hardly any time with other people and hadn’t done any overnight stays. Not gonna lie, that was a tough week for all of us.

When my daughter arrived I found it to be a different experience to when my son was born. I knew I loved her but didn’t feel the intense rush of emotion that I felt when I first held my boy. I put that down to the “first time parent” experience, which you will never replicate.

We had a rude awakening when we got her home as 2 kids doesn’t = 2x the effort (I’d say more like 10x ). However I’m now a year in to the two kid journey and I can honestly say that it’s amazing, my daughter is wildly different in personality to my son, he’s this kind, sweet-hearted little boy and she is a giggling maniac but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I would just say be prepared to be living in chaos for a few months, accept that your house is going to look like someone turned it upside down and shook it & just roll with it. Make time for you and your partner to have moments alone, even if it’s only 30 mins while the kids sleep. Work out a routine that works for you but understand that kids won’t always allow you to follow it. After 6 months you’ll be back on top.

Most of all, enjoy it these are the good times and you’ll miss them when they are gone. I’m genuinely happier than I’ve ever been. Good luck dude!