my nephew was caught stealing

[jimmyneutron]

Hi,

I am 33M living with my fam since CoVid hit. My brother is MIA (almost 2 yrs) and I live with his 2 kids (8yo nephew and 3yo niece). Their mom is a waitress and is often out. I work from home so I think you get the picture. Also, I'm gay, so no funny business with the sis-in-law, don't worry.

I was recently at the grocery store with my niece and nephew when we were stopped at the couter. My nephew was caught stealing 2 sets of toy cars.

We are middle-class people and I know I give them enough toys. They have more toys that I had when I was a kid.

I told his mom about it and I'm not sure what happened after.

Questions:
1) Do you think I should discipline the nephew?
2) If yes, what should be my talking points?
3) Do you have any recommended readings I can go through?

My little rant: No sht. I had a troubled childhood and that's probably the reason why I am scared to ever have kids. I make enough money keep 2 families alive, but I am just sooo afraid that I would raise fck ups like me that I stay away from that drama. Also, I honestly don't want to overstep.

Should I leave them and just live alone? Joking...I won't do that...yet.

Thanks!

 

[mike1911]

@jimmyneutron He wanted a car and grabbed it. You should talk to him about it. Empathise with his desire for the cool toy. Talk about the possible consequences, your feelings. Give him the chance to talk about his dad, school, whatever else is going on for him.

Keep a sense of perspective, it's not a big deal or a great moral failing; there is nothing "wrong" with him. It's good to know what you want and go for it in life. And there are consequences if you go against society's (sometimes rather arbitrary) rules. We are all given conflicting inputs here in capitalism: we are told owning things is our purpose, often things become a stand in for love, attention, self-care; at the same time we are told being greedy is bad; we are told stealing (gasp) is wrong.

He's just a kid whose dad is missing and trying to do his best in this confusing world. Be gentle with him.

 

[joyinyah]

@jimmyneutron It’s not uncommon for kids to try it.
I would see if there is any way they can “work” it off. At the very least have them apologize to the owner/manager but recognize that it is a developmentally influenced behaviour that should be worked through and an opportunity to teach more than a need to straight up punish