My 7 year old never plays alone.

[pecosheero]

I know that even if son had a sibling it’s not a promise they would have played together but parenting an only child who is spirited is tiring. My son also has ADHD and high-functioning autism.

Child will be 7 in June and still won’t do anything alone. He would rather follow me around while I do chores asking every 2 minutes if I’m done, than play on his own. We try timers and then giving him time where we devote all our attention and play with him for 30min-1hr between my tasks and all this does is as soon as his timer is done we are back to hysterically crying or screaming until we play with him again.

From 4am-7pm I am this kids only playmate option. We do not know anyone well enough to have a playdates he is also the only, only child we know. We live in a tiny town where most families have 4-5 kids and it’s hard to coordinate playdates. Our tiny town also has limited kid activities so no summer camps or weekend lessons. He is in all the activities he can be in but that is only 1-2hrs a week.

I am so tired and do not want to be bossed around by or play with a 7 year old for 15hrs a day. School is out soon which means I lose my only reprieve.

Screens like video games will semi keep him entertained although he wants you to sit right by him and just watch him play the whole time or look up on the internet how to beat the games. That much screen time also causes a lot of problems behaviorally so I would like to cut way back.

I’m tired already and really dreading summer.

 

[kimmac23]

@pecosheero This sounds isolating for you and him. It sounds like in addition to there being low social supports in general, you don’t have close family or friends around? Not to be flippant, but are you happy for this town to be your forever home or do you ever think about moving?

Any teenagers looking for work? A “mother’s helper” type of young teen may accept a lower rate to just essentially come over and hang out for a few hours a day. I’ve gotten a young teen babysitter for my daughter just to let me go out in the neighborhood and run errands and realized it had more advantages than just causal childcare — my kid really looked up to this girl and the babysitter was very eager to prove herself so just showered her with attention and approval which I could tell made my kid feel really good about herself.

 

[pecosheero]

@kimmac23 We would love to move but the current economy its not an option for at least the next few years. We cannot afford to move to a new house or rent at the current rates in any larger towns. We tried in January/February to look at moving to where family is but I cannot work due to a disability and my husband’s job field doesn’t pay well enough for us to lose our 2.4% interest rate house.

I will definitely look into a mother’s helper this summer but last year we didn’t have the budget for what even teenagers were wanting paid.

 

[kimmac23]

@pecosheero I get it. Oh gosh 2.4% interest rate I’ll probably never see that in my life lol

 

[jonathanluthfi]

@pecosheero Oof this is tough.

Not to be weird but if you’re in shape enough, start taking him walking or even hiking. Granted you might be too tired to function after but maybe you’ll burn him out? Ahhh I dunno!! Kids almost have infinite energy!!

 

[pecosheero]

@jonathanluthfi He definitely has infinite energy. Our town is less than a mile by mile size so we walk almost everywhere. We only use cars in the winter.

 

[ncdavis]

@pecosheero He is old enough to help u with the chores. I can understand how much u need the alone time (i am an introvert myself while my son is an extrovert; he just never wanted to do anything alone) but the next best thing (if u have no wish to play his kiddy games the entire day) is to let him join u in the cooking and cleaning. Maybe fix an hour of quiet reading time where u both sit and read separate books side by side. Board games sometimes helped for me when he got too hyperactive and i needed him to settle down. Daily outdoor play if possible, like go on a jog/cycle together if u are sick of kiddy playgrounds

 

[pecosheero]

@ncdavis I definitely need to work on getting him involved. His autism makes it difficult for him to understand and safely help while the ADHD keeps him extremely hyperactive and disregulated. But this is something I can work on. Thank you!

 

[karisa4christ]

@pecosheero As someone who is autistic and ADHD, chores that keep us on the move and are not too repetitive are the best (my autistic side wants routine, my ADHD side very much does not). My favourite as a kid was washing the windows, my least favourite was folding clothes. I also needed to account for sensitivities, eg. I couldn't stand the sound of the vacuum cleaner, so I would swipe the floors with a broom instead (and still pretty much do most times). Later on, I really got into gardening, DIY and house repairs.

 

[dierato]

@pecosheero Solidarity! I have a 6 year old who never plays alone also with ADHD and level 1 Autism. I don't have a lot of advice but I just wanted to agree it's hard as hell. I see so many posts from parents of NT kids about how it gets easier at like 4+ and nope not for us.

 

[pecosheero]

@dierato Exactly. I would much rather go back to the 1-4 year age.

 

[ayen57]

@pecosheero I think of my daughter as NT (I mean maybe only in comparison to me? lol) but I would also rather go back to the 1-4 age (Edit: maybe the 1-3.5 age -- 3.5 is when she decided she has an agenda and she's going to pursue it.). She is fairly good at finding friends and reasonably socially adept, I will give her that. But it has not gotten easier because she's extremely opinionated and spends a lot of time honing her debate skills.

 

[thecross22]

@pecosheero I think your issue here is both the town you live in for the child you have + his neurodivergence needs. Is it possible to move to a town with more extracurricular or camp options, even if it is just for parts of summer?

 

[jwroe]

@pecosheero What about summer day camp options? What are his interests? You could start there. Find a day camp that will focus on something he is into and help him make friends he could see a few days a week.

 

[pecosheero]

@jwroe There are no camp options. We live in a very rural community (less than 2,000 people and over 1.5hrs drive to the next town). He will be in T-Ball but that’s only 1hr twice a week in the evenings. Besides that our town offers no options for kids in the summer.

 

[breeze11]

@pecosheero I have a friend with an 8 year old only. She also has autism. My friend works from home and says that once her daughter is home from school, she just sits in her office staring at her until she’s done.

I have an 8 year old who might have some neurodivergence (father has diagnosed adhd and I exhibit adhd symptoms when tired [I have a sleep disorder]) but I find that her lack of being able to entertain herself is more because she just doesn’t have the skill yet. We talk about her needing to practice her imagination muscles. A lot of the time she can only play alone if it’s legos. She also reads a lot.

We all have muscles we need to work on. I hope I’m not invalidating the autistic aspect of it. I have no idea what that’s like. But I don’t think autism is the only culprit here.

 

[wrldrvltn]

@pecosheero I don't know if I have much advice but I also struggle with my soon to be 9 year old. She simply does not like independent play. I'm fortunate to know many other children. I watched her cousin after school for a few years and my daughter struggled to give the other child alone time as well. And since my daughter is older we've talked about it. She tells me that it's simply that she finds it boring to play by herself. It's not that she's lonely. It's not that she wants more time with any particular person. She just doesn't like independent play.

So unfortunately I just have a constant struggle of putting up boundaries and telling her we can't entertain her all day. Maybe her being an only child is best for her so she can learn to play independently instead of having siblings to bounce back and forth to.

As for summer break, I literally plan a whole summer routine to keep my daughter busy. I'd look up arts and crafts she can do on her own. Ordered activity books. There are books for kids to work on between grade levels during summer. Legos, puzzles, educational games. Online classes about something your kid is interested in. Chores. Gardening. I just made a whole schedule in advanced. She enjoyed the routine and it eliminated her constantly asking me to play because I already had things for her to do.

 

[hesychiaaa]

@pecosheero When my spouse was younger his mom used to send him across the country to spend the summer with his grandparents. Would your parents be up for something like that, or perhaps an overnight summer camp that's a few cities away?

 

[pecosheero]

@hesychiaaa No, due to his needs we have no one that is willing to take him on overnights (he still wakes up every 1-2hrs and needs help going back to sleep due to his autism.)