My 4 year old’s behavior has been going downhill lately and I have no idea what to do

[outbackhatter]

He talks back, doesn’t listen, fights with his 1 year old brother, has major attitude. Recently we’ve been having issues with him going into our fridge or pantry constantly while we’re sleeping and taking any foods he can find back to his room to eat. Every day I find new wrappers and trash from food he sneaks. I feed him obviously so I just don’t understand why he’s doing this! This morning he woke up at 6 am and went into our freezer and snuck ice cream into his room. Tonight I fed him dinner and sent him to bed. He thought I was asleep so he snuck into our fridge again and took a block of velveeta cheese into his bedroom. He also hasn’t been using the potty anymore. He’ll wear his bedtime pull ups all day and just pee and poop in them. Even if he wears underwear, I’ve had to throw away a few pairs this past week because he decided to go poop in them instead of the toilet. I’ve constantly been finding feces on his bedroom floor and having to clean it up. I’m so fed up with it. I’m not sure what’s gotten into him and why he’s been acting like this over the past couple of weeks. My husband is the one who likes to hit as discipline but I don’t agree with it. Obviously it isn’t working either because our son continues to do it. I have no idea what to do at this point or how to make it stop. I’ve tried yelling, sending him to his room but he doesn’t listen. I’ve even tried the complete opposite by trying to be kind and understanding. I thought maybe he is just truly hungry so I feed him meals in hope that he won’t raid our fridge but the second I turn my back he’s in the fridge again. I’m afraid to even go to bed tonight because I know he’ll take advantage while I’m sleeping. Is it normal for a 4 year old to act this way? What might be a few reasons he’s behaving this way? What are some things I can do to make him behave or discipline him? I’m so stressed out and tired of this.

Update: as I was typing this he got out of bed and went into the kitchen looking for food again! I decided to tie the fridge doors together so that he can’t open it. It’s a temporary fix for now but I really want to put an end to this so that I don’t constantly feel like I have to watch him or keep my fridge and pantry locked up.

 

[joan_the_warrior]

@outbackhatter Well, talking back and being a bit difficult sounds like a normal 4 year old. But regressing so far in potty training and sneaking so much food sounds a bit concerning. I would talk to your pediatrician for advice. Good luck!

 

[outbackhatter]

@joan_the_warrior Thank you. Yeah it is very concerning ugh hopefully I can get help soon

 

[whoselinefan]

@outbackhatter I think the best piece of advice anyone ever gave me about parenting is...."everything is a phase". He will not do it forever but in the mean time buy the latches for the fridge and cupboards so he can't access them. Let him scream about it when he gets angry. My LG has screaming tantrums that last for 40 minutes but it always ends in...mumma I'm sorry please can I have a cuddle.
Perseverance and staying strong will get you through this....and wine, wine also helps!! (for you not the 4 yo!)

 

[outbackhatter]

@whoselinefan Thanks. Yeah I try to think the same way as far as it’s just a phase but in the meantime it’s so frustrating and stressing. I’m not sure how much more I can take. I hope he gets over it soon

 

[ryanc]

@outbackhatter My son went through something similar where he was talking back, refusing to listen, and just being incredibly mouthy to everyone in the household. He also started pooping his pants, despite many talks about going in the toilet and a pretty successful potty training adventure. I was at my wits end when I found him sneaking candy into his room at night.
I learned that kids go through this around 4 years old. No one has ever mentioned it along with the “terrible twos”, but I found it fairly common when I went searching for advice. I kept to my guns with the same discipline tactics and added a more structure schedule and over time he realized we weren’t feeding into him anymore. He still gets a little mouthy, but he stopped sneaking food and going potty in his undies. I would talk to your pediatrician just in case, but I hope this blows over for you and your family soon.

 

[outbackhatter]

@ryanc How old was your son when he went through the same thing and what kind of discipline did you use? I really don’t know what to do anymore at this point. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one going through this though

 

[ryanc]

@outbackhatter He’s 4, and this happened about four months ago. For discipline, I kept a time out system whenever he talked back or did something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do. It was a rough first week, he was in time out a lot. He was also saying really hurtful things like “I don’t love you anymore”, so we would talk about that when we both calmed down. I would also take his tablet away if he was being too difficult for the day. He usually gets an hour a day, but he went for a full week without it because of his attitude.

As for the bathroom issues, I went back to scheduling his potty times. He was on a strict schedule, every hour if we were home. Right before meals, play time, screen time, and bed time. He never had accidents at daycare, so I knew it was behavioral. He resisted for a bit, but it started helping very quickly and now he is going potty by himself and hasn’t had a major accident in over a month.

I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you’re doing everything and they’re not responding. But you’re not alone, and there is an light at the end of the tunnel. My son and I still have bad days, we’re not perfect, but he’s over this really rough phase. On to the next!

 

[avocados4thewin]

@outbackhatter I know you’re probs really tired and fed up, but punishment is literally not the way to help the issue. I would seek out professional guidance and expertise to find out what’s really going on. And also, if you or your husband has ever hit your child-not to shame or anything but you cannot function as a nurturing family dynamic if physical punishment is ever a fear to a child. Children deserve to never be treated in an aggressive manner due to a parent losing their cool for a moment. I was hit/spanked very occasionally as a child, and I have lifelong trust issues and PTSD from the trauma induced when a caregiver “hurts” you. Sorry for being intense, but trust me little discipline measures like that have severe potential to cause detrimental long term effects. Sorry you’re going through this, you must be exhausted! For sure get the opinion of a professional as soon as you’re able, sounds like your kiddo might be dealing with some stuff that’s really hard for their little brain to understand or process.

 

[outbackhatter]

@avocados4thewin Thanks for the input. Yeah I’m not a fan of the physical discipline either unless it’s absolutely necessary but I’m really out of ideas on what to try at this point. I’m about to search for professional help if this continues