Managing bedtimes?

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kaiti

New member
My daughter is starting Kinder in August and we also have a 2 year old. We both WFH so haven’t been too strict about bedtimes but now that our daughter will have to go to school soon, we are trying. And I just don’t understand how you all make it work. By the time work is over it’s 5/5:30. We have sports 6-7 pm or so. By the time we get home it’s 7:30 and if I start dinner then, by the time we finish it may be 9, then we have dogs, taking care of other messes, getting ready for the next day and so on. We are lucky if she is in bed by 11 pm… but I know she should be going to sleep by 8:30/9 if she’s waking up at 6:45 for school. HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DO THIS? I don’t see how other than if you’re skipping meals or eating very basic meals/not cooking. I’m very frustrated and hardly have time for things now and don’t know how to cram it all in before bedtime anyway.
 
@kaiti The answer is no activities during the week that go past 6 (aka no activities during the week), get home, dinner around 630, bath, bed by 8.

If you must do sports you have to do dinner prior, then snack, quick shower, and bed.
 
@waitingfortheday I was just talking to my husband about this and the first thing he said is it is the sports… I guess we will have to re-evaluate or as you said, dinner prior then just snack after. That’s a great suggestion.
 
@kaiti We don’t do activities that end after 5:30 on weeknights, and even limit that to 1 time per week (all other activities are on weekends) with our 1st grader, and bedtime is strictly 8pm. In kindergarten bedtime was 7:15pm. Both years wake up is 7am and out the door to school in under 40 mins.

Also for dinner kid gets something super fast and simple on weeknight activity night like PBJ or scrambled eggs with easy fruit and veggie sides.

Physical movement and team building are important for young kids, but so is not over-scheduling, both for your own sanity and so they can have a chance to get bored and get creative to entertain themselves.
 
@brandon908 Yep. Home by 5-5,30 from activities or school or childcare, dinner by 6ish (always manageable short prep meals during the week) followed by showers, reading books, snuggling and lights out 730-8. Essential routine in our house. Also, all the house/dog/life admin stuff you describe- she doesn’t need to be awake for that.
 
@webelieveinjesuschrist Echoing what others have said, we only have one activity a week (swim lessons) and the cutoff for having that done is 5:30. Even on those nights having the activity done at 5:30 puts pressure on our evening routine so I will either grab some fast casual on the way home, or feed the kids something that doesn't need to be cooked and can be on the table in 5 minutes. I aim for a bedtime no later than 8pm, although sometimes it goes longer during the "snuggle in the dark" phase. Still, I'd consider bedtime at 11pm a total catastrophe... even for myself haha. For kids in kindergarten/ elementary age a bedtime that late can hurt their development.
 
@kaiti We have evening activities for our kids most nights during the week so I hear you, though (right now) all of them are over by 6:30 at the latest. If there was something from 6-7, we'd grab take-out on the way home or have frozen dinners from Trader Joe's or Costco ready to heat up as soon as we got back. Only one parent would take activity kid, and the other would stay home and do the necessary chores with the other kid around. There would never be a situation where dinner is getting started (a home-cooked dinner) at 7:30pm.

For context, both of mine go to bed around 8:30pm.
 
@stuart1717 That sounds ideal… it’s hard to get much done with an 18 month old while the 4 year old is gone but more would definitely get done than all of us going to the activities. I seriously don’t understand how people with 3+ kids do this. And I know plenty of people with 4+ kids!.. Sucks that someone has to miss something just to get other things done.. definitely need to have early dinner times. Ugh. Thanks for your input. It does help.
 
@kaiti I was one of four kids, and there was no scenario in which both of my parents were ever showing up at an activity! Not possible. Once I was old enough, I was usually driving a younger sibling to one of their activities. And as a kid I don't remember caring that only one parent was around. (My two kids don't care either.)

But yes, you're right; it is hard to do a lot with an 18mo around! It will get easier though, depending on their personality. My point was mainly that I see many parents put a high level of stress on themselves by feeling like everyone has to be together all the time, including at activities - and that's just too much especially if you're both working and you have multiple kids (and dogs) in the mix. We've always had a divide-and-conquer approach because nothing gets done otherwise.
 
@stuart1717 Yep, we had 5 kids in my family growing up and all of us were in sports. It was like a shuttle most of the time with my mom dropping off 2-3 kids at different places and then swinging back around to pick us up. Somehow I remember her watching my practices and both parents being at every game though. We ate a lot of fast food or quick meals before leaving for practice during our busy nights and frequently were up past 9pm though.
 
@kaiti I see a lot of parents at soccer with their younger kid on the playground while the older kid as at soccer. So maybe the 18 month old can go to the playground or on a walk while the older does their activity and the parent who is at home alone could have tons of time to get all housework done?
 
@kaiti We eat dinner very early, around 5:30. I prep things in advance and only make very quick recipes during the week so it takes me about 30 mins to get dinner on the table. If it took me 90 minutes every night I’d lose my mind.

Then, put your kids to bed first and then deal with the dogs/other chores. It’s great to involve kids in chores but not at the expense of their sleep.

Also consider dropping activities/sports if they’re regularly interfering with your kids getting a good night’s sleep. Sports every single night is a lot for a (I’m guessing) 5-6 year old.
 
@wc0476 She’s 4 & it’s not every night but I’ve quickly realized it’s the extracurriculars. We are very new at schedules but we do much better on non-activity nights. It’s still not easy but easier!.. I’ll have to start making more manageable meals too. I do cook a lot but wouldn’t mind less time in the kitchen 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️
 
@kaiti Why is dinner taking 1.5 hours to make? Find something that takes half an hour or less. You don’t need a gourmet meal every night. If you’re bored of “basic,” meal prep.

Also, the 2 year old doesn’t need to go to the sports events. One parent can go home with the 2 year old and get started on the dinner and nighttime routine.

Why are you waiting until after all of the chores are completed to put the 2 year old in bed? Get her to bed first and then take care of the dogs and other chores.
 
@wearethechristiangems This. Seriously consider not staying for practice - it is such a game changer. My son has sports 3x a week for 90 min each and that is the most productive time of the day. Finish work, clean, prep stuff for next day and make dinner so the second he walks in the door at 6.40 we can eat, he showers and bed. I get that they are adorable, and I come along once every few weeks but that is honestly 4+ hours I can use better. Plus, after 7 or 8 they seem to be embarrassed of us anyways as all the parents in our team stopped coming 🤣
 
@kaiti Dinner should be quick - something that takes less than 20 minutes to put together. Meal prep on the weekends if you have to. But if you're home at 7:30, eat dinner at 8:00, bedtime routine at 8:30, in bed by 9:00. I'm not sure what is included in the dogs and taking care of other messes part of the routine, but can you and your husband do whatever that is while your children are asleep?
 
@janenekl We are just week 2 into this but after dinner my husband would watch the kids/give them baths while I finish everything else from during the day- cleaning baby’s highchair, finishing laundry, picking up toys, then showering.

Once I’m done showering, I’d come back and start bedtime routine while husband then cleans up from dinner (mainly just loading the dishwasher). I’m realizing now, but probably need to do a few things:
  1. More “chores” during day. Maybe create less chores for myself somehow… I’ve already purged toys and clothes so maybe time to purge husband and dogs (jk)..
  2. Easier meals.
  3. Shower AFTER kids bed time (why didn’t I think of that sooner?- thanks)
  4. Train kids to pickup after themselves more 🫣
 
List is really for myself. This is helpful and I’ll be sitting down to really work on this (as if I have the time, right?).
 
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