Low HS grades - 18 year old

[leryc]

My son is a good kid. He’s a good person. He has a teenage job and works hard there. He’s considered a good employee.

His mom and I divorced when he was very little. By the time he was four we his mom and I lived apart. I have been as involved as possible and spoke to him on the phone every day w out a miss until a few months ago now that he’s 18. The relationship between his mom and I was problematic.

Fast forward. He’s weeks away from. Graduating HS. His grades have been in the decline. But this last year has been atrocious grades wise. I just received progress reports for this last quarter. He’s done absolutely no work at all.

He has 2 classes needs for graduation. And magically in these classes he has a C. I think the school is letting him pass just to not ruin their graduations percentage for their metrics. They are letting him fail upward.

I don’t know if I should keep my mouth shut and let him fail upward. Or should I press the school and ask them to fail him so he has to redo the grade? Don’t know if they will even listen to me. But.

Obviously, I want what’s best for my son. If he’s held back his self esteem would suffer. So would it be worth it. I know he needs a hard lesson here. But not sure if in the cost benefit being helps back would be worth it? Any opinions or help appreciated. Thanks.

Update:
Him doing over the year is not an option. They don’t do that. The options are:
1. He graduates in time.
2. He goes to summer school to do only the classes he failed which were requirements to graduate.

 

[joshuaaa]

@leryc Unless he's trying to get into a prestigious university, no one will ever care.

Employers don't ask what grades you got in highs school. Community college just wants to know you graduated, and they can make up for any deficines by taking which ever class. Trade schools usually just want to know you graduated.

I spent a lot of time in high school worried about my grades, and I was shocked to learn I did all that work for nothing. No one cares once you're done.

Half the stuff I learned in high school I never used to in college, and 3/4 of the stuff I learned in college I never used in the work force.

If he's working, he's learning far more on the job than he is in a classroom.

 

[leryc]

@joshuaaa I’m an immigrant who came to this country on a scholarship. So it just feels terrible that he has this awesome opportunity I would have killed for and he’s wasting it away.

I mention that “opportunity” from the “prestigious university” and hope he gets a scholarship point of view. Buts theirs pipe dream at this long. I’m aware many other really good opportunities exist here w/o tue prestige college.

As long as he can get in somewhere. I’d be happy w just that. Def not a super trash school. Just anything half decent including community college is ok.

I think trades are valuable too. He def needs time to mature. So let him do anything productive in the meantime.

 

[mary77]

@leryc I once read an article about which students value education the most and most people would guess Finland or Japan or somewhere like that but it was in countries like Nigeria and Brazil. I have failed time and time again to instill in my children an appreciation for what an amazing opportunity schooling here in the USA is. One dropped it at 16 and the other is failing upward; he'll graduate in 3 weeks.
It's heartbreaking. I had almost all As in highschool, read to them literally every night, took them to interesting historical places= nada.
They're funny, kind, troubled kids and I can only pray that they figure this shit out soon but I really don't think interfering with the teacher's choices right now is worthwhile

 

[leryc]

@mary77 I hope and hope my son will figure it out. Based on. His work ethic at his job, I think he will.

Yes, in from one of those countries in South America. I was lucky that I had good opportunities throughout. But yeah. I def know the value of education and hard work.

I hope he opens his eyes. I just think living primarily w mom who is not a hard worked def is taking its toll.

 

[mary77]

@leryc Good luck

 

[joshuaaa]

@leryc Opportunity and grades are not the same thing.

No one gets a good job or starts a company because they got an A in high school.

 

[suzyaussie]

@leryc What are his plans moving forward? Are you sure he hasn’t done the work to pass those classes? I used to teach a class required to graduate and we worked very hard to get kids to pass who were seniors. Are the classes that will be in any way transformative if he pass/fails? Seniors are notoriously apathetic and a lot have declining grades at the end.

I would probably recommend letting him pass, in the end it won’t matter much at all.

What is more important is what comes next. Community college, trade school, apprenticeships, gap year? This will be more significant for his overall development than a couple of classes in high school.

 

[leryc]

@suzyaussie Thank you.

Yeah the progress reports are atrocious. He’s doing no work whatsoever.

Next … in not sure. It’s up to him really.
I would love college and then a couple of semesters or a year of study abroad.

He’s expressed interest in auto mechanics. Diesel to be exact and electrician.

So we will see. I’m ok w whatever he wants where he can still earn a living.

 

[godoy3774]

@leryc I would not hold him back. Try to get as much work turned in as possible and take whatever grades he can get. At 18, holding him back from graduation could seriously mean he doesn’t get his HS diploma ever. He does not have to re-enroll next year, he can just drop out. If he can pass the two required classes and get through, I think that is the way to go. He will still be able to get into trade school, community college or what he chooses to do in the future, even with a low HS GPA.

 

[leryc]

@godoy3774 Thank you

 

[starrfairy]

@leryc I have a master's degree in education and my 18 year old is not graduating from HS. It is mainly due to a combination of circumstances, as I was extremely ill during his freshman year of virtual pandemic schooling, and his sophomore year I was recovering, but still not able to take a truly active role in supporting my kid who has ADHD and learning disabilities. Our family was in survival mode. The school we chose also turned out to be a bad fit for his needs.

He has been in summer school every year, but still hasn't managed to catch up. During the pandemic, I thought the worst that could happen was that he would take another year of school. But, it turns out that isn't really an option. The school doesn't offer any credit recovery other than these terrible online courses which my kid has difficulty getting through.

So, he is finishing up senior year primarily for social experience, and then he will transfer to a GED program. He should be able to pass the GED test within a few months. This kid is brilliant in technical areas, proficient in CAD, is detail oriented, is on a robotics build team, and has a lot of marketable skills.

I have managed to let a lot of the anxiety go, and have faith that he will find a solid path in adulthood. Although graduation season, seeing other parents' social media posts about graduation and college acceptance pulls on my heart strings, and I even feel a little envious of you, OP, since your kid only needs to pass those 2 classes and will have that diploma.

So, just offering some commiseration from another parent with an academically struggling kid.

 

[jakem]

@leryc It sounds like he’s burnt out. I remember feeling that way senior year of high school and college. He’s probably doing the absolute bare minimum to graduate, and honestly I think that’s okay. As long as he graduates.
If he’s not shooting for scholarships, etc it really doesn’t matter in the long run. A high school diploma is a high school diploma.
I just think it’s important for him to at least have some short term goals.. what he plans to do this summer, and if not college in the fall, a plan for work etc.
it sounds like he just needs a break.. and summer is coming. I’m sure he will be fine! He sounds like a good kid

 

[leryc]

@jakem Nahhhh. I don’t think so.

It might be. But I think unlikely.

He always dragged his feet w grades. But then as soon as he started working there was a noticeable decline in grades.

And I can’t really take the car cause his mom picked this school 12 miles away from her. So it’s hard to go back to the bus. The bus stop isn’t even anywhere near him.

 

[laurapalooza]

@leryc He can make up what he doesn't understand at community college.

If he was, for example, earning a legitimate C in a math class, he should retake that class in community college anyway because it demonstrates major gaps in understanding.

When he's faced with the real world he may get a better idea of what he wants to do with his life and what vocational program he wants to pursue. Hopefully he does that otherwise he's destined for minimum wage.

 

[leryc]

@laurapalooza He needs math and economics to graduate in time.

The progress report in math says he’s done 3 / 16 homework assignments.

The kid is sharp. Just lazy as heck.
Hard work beats talent any day anyways.

 

[lyossarian]

@leryc If this is in the US, just know they are under no obligation to continue to let him be in highschool after the age of 18. Best to just get him out of there. I almost failed out of highschool and I was told they wouldn't repeat me because I turned 18 mid way senior year.

 

[jocelynvenus]

@leryc Grades don't matter. He just needs the diploma. Assuming he's not interested in college.

 

[christtoulese]

@leryc I’m not sure what your actual issue is. It’s way past the time for a parent-teacher conference. His grades are his grades. If he’s graduating in a month or two, you already know what colleges he’s gotten in/not in. What’s his plan? Does he have one? Have you had any sort of conversation with him?

 

[damarisbelieves]

@leryc Do you have a traditional school year? If so, this is late April. They finish in a month, you let it go.