Looking for Guidance with Emotional Swings

[alice03]

Hi all -- Lurking soon-to-be dad here.

First of all, I can't put into words how much I have enjoyed spending time in this sub.
It has been a lifesaver so far. This community has connected me with some fantastic resources. I have also loved how everyone here is so supportive.

That said, I am seeking some guidance...

My wife and I are exiting the first trimester and heading into the second. And boy-oh-boy. It has been a doozy of a transition...

I have noticed them grow over the last two weeks and I have done what I can do be mindful of that and just hang in their. But today... Today I haven't gotten anything right in the eyes of my wife. Like, A N Y T H I N G.

I'll save the details, but needless to say we're only half way through the day and I have lost all patience (coming from someone who has been they are TOO patient). Anything I do is not done right; I get questioned in every decision, and I'm to the point where I feel like I have to defend myself with every step.

I'm sure it doesn't help that we both work from home. Which likely amplifies things more.

So that's where I need some help. What have others done to help turn the ship around when things get bad?

I'm just looking for more tools to put in the tool-belt when things go south. Especially since we're still less than half-way to the finish line.

Thank you in advance, all you awesome pre-dads and new-dads!

 

[cradlerc58]

@alice03 Grace and kindness are your best strategies right now. You gotta remember her brain is being flooded with lots of hormones and chemicals that she has no control over. I'd bet she hates the way she's treating you. If you feel the need to call her out on it just try to be tactful and empathetic.

 

[anon77]

@alice03 I don’t have any advice, but I want to commend you for seeking out more tools. That tells me you are a very mature and levelheaded man. And if everyone needs those attributes it’s now. Your wife is lucky .

 

[mrunknown]

@alice03 Honestly pregnancy mood swings are crazy. My wife can go 0 to 100 for any reason during pregnancy. What’s worked for me is trying to put myself in her shoes, for example I get angry when I’m hungry so I try to think about how I would act if I was hangry and what she can do to de-escalate a situation if I was… then I do that for her. Sometimes it time, sometimes it’s a snack, sometimes it’s an antacid and a bottle of water. It’s different depending on the fight but I think about how uncontrollably crabby I get when I’m hungry and I realize that just how I can overreact because I’m already irritable… so can she… and it’s not her fault. And she is just us frustrated that everything pisses her off as I am. Sometimes all I can do is find a way to vent by myself to avoid letting the frustration build and the fight escalate. Sometimes I write because that helps me. Like I said every situation is different, and the best thing I can do is try to have patience, understanding, and love. I try to remember that’s she too is frustrated and irritable and she can’t control it.
Luckily that was bad for us but only for a few weeks.. now further along the pregnancy the mood swings are much less severe and much less often.
Hang in there and remember that braving this storm has a reward… soon you will be a parent… so hang tough and vent in whatever way you need to so that you avoid escalating the fight too. I know it sucks but she’s growing a person. So you need to be the bigger person and hang in there.
Venting here has helped too