Lifestyle Liabilities

J

janmoon

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I (F, 45) own two properties aside from my primary residence and share 50/50 custody of two children (7, 11) with my ex husband (M, 45). Of the two additional properties, one I rent out and the other I occupy during my non-custodial time and will never rent it or have my children there as it contains “equipment” for my leisure. Last week, I had a friend’s birthday party (7 women) at my leisure home with male entertainment(4). One of the female guests (a mutual friend to my ex and I) told her husband details of the party. He then told my ex-husband. My ex contacted me about the party, but only inquired of the equipment I keep in the home. My response was, “respectfully, we’ve always kept communications about the kids, let’s continue to do so.” His response was he’s concerned about the kids being in that house and wants to see it. My children know nothing about this home and until this party, my ex and I had a pleasant and cordial co-parenting partnership. I don’t want to invite him into the home; as one of the reasons I divorced him was my high libido and having a dead bedroom. Understandably, this hurt him and seeing how I enjoy being pleasured could affect how we interact; however, I want to reassure him our children’s safety is paramount. How should I proceed with this?
 
@janmoon It’s kept separate from the children. It has zero to do with him. Decline this request- none of his business.

Perhaps re-consider invitations to those who are in his circle in the future.
 
@janmoon Did you guys recently divorce by any chance? Was he against the divorce? Because I get the feeling that he's not asking out of concern for this kids. What he's probably doing is something called "pain shopping". I recommend you don't discuss this other property any further, because it's not doing him any favors
 
@janmoon Even if this was in your main home, if your equipment and extra curricular activities don’t involve the kids/locked up/etc, it’s non of his business. No, he doesn’t need to see any of it nor do you ‘owe’ him that particularly in this case where it’s completely separate from where you live with the kids. I’d bet it’s not coming from the place of concerned parent but nosey ex.

I’d suggest leaving the invite out for the guest who couldn’t help but open her mouth with all the deets, in the future. Talk about not respecting privacy!
 
@stacey777 Agreed, thank you. During our marriage, I kept such items locked in a chest within a locked closet. He knew I was overly cautious. This was the first and will be the last of such an invite.
 
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