Let’s do something!! {ideas}

[cindiw]

I have a 14(m) and 16(f) who won’t do anything or go anywhere. They don’t like each others company, wind each other up and generally just act up.

I’m a single parent and have no money but everything I suggest to go and do they just won’t.

Please send ideas on what we can do that doesn’t cost much that we can do together. I’m so fed up of staying in the house separating arguments.

 

[trophybottle]

@cindiw Here's some random ideas:

Mandatory mom walk after dinner - if one doesn't want to come, they can wash and put away dishes. If both come, Mom washes the dishes.

Signing up for a fun run and then training together for it?

Doing one of those city scavenger hunts if they are available where you live.

Bowling is still pretty cheap.

Geocaching is fun and gets you moving. Download the app

Sunday drive to a small town to get ice cream or a cheap meal.

And maybe divide and conquer. Maybe just do stuff with one teen at a time for a while. It might be that they need time away from each other and 1:1 time with you might be more valuable.

Wishing you all the best. This is a tough age!

 

[theanonymousperson]

@cindiw I have 2 daughters. 16 & 18.

So there was a time when I was feeling desperate for connection with them and they just would not put forth any effort to even come out of their bedrooms.... I had even tried to go out with them to do things that cost money because I didn't have any other way of getting them to stay in the same room as me for long enough that I could ask them how they were.

Then one day I went into my oldest bedroom to tell her something I was excited about and instead of standing in the door, I closed it behind me and sat on her bed. I told her my thing and then asked her a question about something I saw on her wall and before I knew it, we'd been having a real conversation for an hour and she was still engaged.

I tried a similar tactic with my youngest later the same day and it was a similar experience.

I realized that what I had done was to enter her world. Her domain. As her guest. And I then acted interested in something she knew things about and i actively talked to her and asked her questions, without acting like a mom and analyzing everything she said, or telling her how i thought it was or should be. I just acted interested in hearing her and then I validated what she told me as worth listening to.

We talk a lot nowadays. And it's usually in their rooms because that's where they are comfortable.

............ On another occasion my oldest and I weren't getting along very well for a little while and I couldn't get her attention. She was always focused on something else when I'd speak to her and I was feeling like she would rather be doing anything other than talking to me. I blamed the phones. So one day I turned the service off on all of our phones thru the account settings and pretended not to know what was going on with our service.
That pulled them out of their bedrooms because they were bored... And that gave me a chance to spend a little bit of time with them while we were without distraction.

Maybe that was a sneaky shitty parent thing to do but feeling like you're that far away from your children when you're in the same home, is hard and my babies are nearly grown and I just missed them. It makes me sad that we all live with our attention on everything but what matters. So I forced the situation and the time we spent helped break some of the tension we'd been dealing with between us.

 

[phoonsawadoam]

@cindiw I'm in the same boat with 13(f) and 14(m) teens! My daughter also hates to move around, and my son hates doing anything that doesn't involve the Xbox. He deliberately is as difficult as possible if we make him go out - he's literally said, "I'll just be a little shit and do my best to ruin it for everyone." Ugh. Teenagers.

Recently my daughter became interested in volleyball, she didn't make tryouts but she wants to practice now so she can try out again next year. Also the doctor telling her she has the beginnings of fatty liver and me filling her in on my health issues due to that same thing have helped her want to get moving a little more.

It's hard to get them to do anything, just keep trying! I try to get them to go for a walk at the park, or volleyball, tennis, Frisbee, etc. Even if it's just for a little bit, eventually they start to get used to it! One thing I notice is if I go out by myself and start doing something, eventually at least one of them will come out to see what I'm doing and sometimes that's the easiest way to get them involved. I usually phrase my attempt to get them involved in a way that seems likes I'm asking for their help to do whatever thing, and even if they do it grudgingly at least they're doing it!

 

[cindiw]

@phoonsawadoam Sounds like you are making break through. I think, should I just go out. But then what shall I do? I’ve devoted the last 16 years to them, don’t get support so never had a social life. I wouldn’t know where to start.
I went for a walk this morning, have five jobs in the house and garden but we live pretty rurally so not much here.
Think I’m just at a point where I’m in limbo. Can leave them but can’t afford to do anything.

 

[gotredemption]

@cindiw Hiking or just walking is the best. Get everybody moving in the same direction together. Good to get them off their phones. Pokemon Go together if you're desperate. Leave some silence and eventually they'll talk and fill it

Another idea - go to the library together and pick out DVDs. Find something you liked when you were their age and tell them what you remembered about that time

 

[cindiw]

@gotredemption Thank you. The library is good but doubt the boy will try it. The girl hates any form of movement. She won’t even walk the dog

 

[coffeeinseattle]

@cindiw I started making mine cook a dinner each week, with planning on the weekend so we could get what they needed on our grocery trip. I often wind up helping them but it's kind of nice to do together and they are learning an important life skill. My son loves finding recipes in YouTube now. My daughter doesn't like cooking but it is helpful to me and will be useful for her later in life. I help them bake treats sometimes too.

I'm trying to get them to play Just Dance with me. They will sorta play a little. Maybe play video games with them. My son tried to teach me Halo but I couldn't even get past the training part, still it was fun and we both had a good laugh at my ineptitude as a master chief or whatever. And we all love Smash bros and Mario Kart.

Movies together, have a movie marathon night, make microwave popcorn and nachos. Plan three and each person can pick a marathon that way.

And lately we have played card games or board games more while we eat dinner (usually when I cook). And we also have those table conversation cards so we break those out at dinner sometimes.

 

[trophybottle]

@coffeeinseattle Great ideas!
I've been bringing out trivia cards for family dinners too. Great for conversation starters and a bit of competition!

We also bought a wii to help bring the family together. It's nice to have a game where everyone is on the same screen.

We do the cooking thing too! They never look forward to it, and it's like pulling teeth trying to get them to commit to a recipe, but they are so proud when they do. We had a meal kit.delivery for a.while and it was amazing for the kids to learn some new cooking techniques. We did cancel.adtwr.3.months.or so, due to cost.

 

[eduardocastaneda7777]

@cindiw Mom bucks