Late nights and boundaries

[brotherdave7]

Your opinions please situation is below

I have a cousin who has a toddler and baby thats a few mos old she’s in her mid to late 30’s. I’ve been asking her for a year to lmk ahead of time when she needs me to babysit and i’ll do it.

Yesterday she calls me twice once at 9am and asks if i will watch both kids while she attends a docs visit i was busy with my oldest so i couldn’t atm and she understood. She then calls back at 5:54pm asking me to watch her kids at 11p “for a few hrs tonight” and i said “ok but i got my kids” she asked again and i said “my kids have school”, she got irritated and said “if you don’t want to do it just say that” i said “ok” and hung up.

I have mild cp and parent my kids alone but they were born far enough apart to where my oldest could help me with my youngest. My oldest will still look out for my youngest if i ask but the youngest is old enough now to start looking out for them self.

I had both my kids in my 20’s both my cousin and i are mid to late 30’s. I never once went anywhere without my kids as babies they went with me to all of my appointments and i took them in the room.

As my teen got older my mom would take them off to do something fun while i took care of myself. I even put myself through school for a year w/o asking for a sitter the one time my mom did watch my youngest it was because i had an exam and my youngest was sick and i went and got the youngest after i was done.

Other than that i put my kids in daycare. My grandma watched my oldest when i had my youngest and my now teen went to my aunts after(my aunt was in the operating room with me i had 2 csections) then from there went to my ex’s.

Honestly that 4 year age gap between my kids made a huge difference.

She was married to her ex for a year and has 2 kids under 3. I love my cousin and her kiddos but why put them off on me? I know family is supposed to help family but her mom and brother can help too.

She’s been asking every weekend and i have said no but last night irritated me it was a school night for my kids, i don’t care if it’s the end of the school year for my kids i don’t want to because i’m burned out.

Your kids have a whole family that will watch them. Am i wrong for saying no to watching kids that are practically babies when mine never went anywhere without me? She still wants to live her life she had before kids.

Edit: my ex takes our 2 kids every other weekend which gives me a break i rarely see him and he rarely sees me my kids are almost 9 and 13. I don’t want to get saddled with babies 24/7. Been there done that and once my 13 year old graduates hs i can start to live my life again. Right now my life revolves around my own kids.

 

[pious]

@brotherdave7 U guys have different parenting styles. I recommend u acknowledge that and stop trying to accept being a part of something u find unacceptable.
She can find somebody else who will gladly accept it.

I had to literally kick my friend and her 2 yr old out of my apartment bc I would come home w my kids and her son would be sitting in my room in the dark alone every night, mom would be in her room w the door closed

 

[brotherdave7]

@pious I have accepted it but i’m her go to my aunt refuses to watch her grandkids unless i or someone else is around and then she wants to play doting grandma.

Another thing she does is promise to pay me and then doesn’t. I spent all of last summer at her house while her ex was away with the exception of 3 weeks because i took my kids and went to go visit my dad. Up until she had her 2nd i was her kids caregiver while she worked slept ect i was even rubbing her feet getting her diabetes medicine and helping with her stepson. I finally said no when she went into have her youngest because my own kids missed school.

When it comes to me doing for my family they want to take advantage of me (even my ex tries taking advantage by getting me to watch his kids see previous post) and i’m irritated by it.

 

[katrina2017]

@brotherdave7 You’re her go-to for childcare because you’ve given yourself that job.

Aside from differing parenting styles, it seems like these people don’t have any respect for you as your own person. I understand wanting to help, but if it doesn’t work for you and they continuously disrespect you, stop helping them.

I had a single mom friend I used to offer to help constantly. I knew she was struggling with her mental health and so have I. We used to take turns babysitting for each other. In the end, she didn’t respect me/my time and I just stopped being her friend.

She used to ask me to babysit last minute, but also wanted me to pick up her kids from daycare by 5, at the time my shift ended. I worked 45 minutes away and probably ~90 minutes drive in traffic. She used to ask me to babysit late at night on weekdays knowing my son had school the next day. She would often ask me to babysit until midnight, but got off work at ten, and still not be back on time because she was out drinking. If she’d asked me to stay longer on Friday-Saturday to go out, I would have done it.

You’re time is valuable.

 

[brotherdave7]

@katrina2017 My mom said the same thing