Lack of Play dates

[lowlight]

Hello. My son just turned 5 on the 20th. He’s in pre-k Monday-Friday from 9-1. He’s been at the same school for 3 years. Birthday parties don’t seem to be a big deal here. It’s a small school with small classes, but we’ve only been to 4 birthdays across 3 years. My son also doesn’t have play dates. He has 2 cousins his age, one a year older the other 3 weeks older and that’s who he asks to see. We live in a neighborhood, but it’s on an active street so we don’t play with kids in the neighborhood. I wouldn’t even know if there were kids his age. Is this normal and ok? We do get him out. He’s in swim class and just started at another class that helps build confidence and strength. When he was younger he had no issues going to the playground and saying “I’m going to see if any of the kids like me to be friends,” but now he is a bit more reserved. He’s def a chill child. He likes to be home and needs his wind down time after school. We are older parents and don’t really have friends with children so that’s another issue. Is this Ok? Will it change once he moves up in grades?

He has never asked for any playdates. In fact, he says he doesn’t want people over. But I’m concerned when I hear of all these okay dates and am just like, well my kid doesn’t do that.

 

[sarabi]

@lowlight All of this appears to be "the apply doesnt fall far from the tree." Every single playdate we have done with our kid has been parent-driven. We are also in a very small pre-k and all parents are working parents. It's a constant. My kid is very active and after being at pre-k for a full day she needs wind down time...

If you would like playdates, be friendly with other parents.

 

[ellie21]

@lowlight If he doesn't wanna, doesn't seem like there's much to be concerned about. My tot is only 3 and is very clear about who she does or doesn't like to play with. He seems to have made up his mind! For now, at least.

 

[kimmac23]

@lowlight He is playing in school. Probably the day will come when he comes home and asks you “can so and so come over some day?” and that will be that

 

[mb12345]

@lowlight My parents were the same way. They didn't go up to other parents and ask if their kid wanted to play with one of us siblings. They let us take the lead on whether or not we wanted to make friends. Growing up I never even heard the word playdate. That was a foreign concept. I grew up to be personable, friendly and outgoing. When kids are ready to make friends, they will. I don't think you need to force playdates or anything. I feel like that would just be uncomfortable for your child.

 

[katrina2017]

@lowlight I was an only child with older parents. I didn’t go on play dates or spend time with my parents’ friends’ kids because they were all much older than me. I was lonely and didn’t feel like I was part of a community. It wasn’t because I was an only child but because I didn’t socialize outside of school. I made it a point to organize a class play date when my son was about 2 and to exchange numbers with the other parents. We have play dates every other weekend and made friends with neighbors with similarly aged kids. He and we get plenty of downtime at home but he has wonderful social connections and a village. I’d recommend setting up the opportunity for community for him. If he chooses not to partake, at least he had the option.

 

[lowlight]

@katrina2017 Thank you! I do think when he starts kindergarten in a public school this will all fall into place. He’s in a class now that works on confidence, social skills and physical skills. He calls it warrior class. It kids his age 5-6 years old so we are hoping this brings out the best in him. His teachers tell us he is very much an observer and looks around prior to figuring out what to do. I know a part of this is just who he is. We were hoping to move to a different area, where maybe the street had more kids his age, but it’s not the right time
To do that so I am hoping with Kindergarten around the corner this will change things.

 

[charles4u]

@lowlight Another thing to try is a local little league or something, team sports are a good introduction to concepts like taking turns, paying attention, getting to know your body relative to peers. It's like a playdate that someone else organizes and if you don't like anyone there, you don't have to chat with them

 

[lowlight]

@charles4u . We are going to put my son into tee ball. He’s months fastest, but he switch hit and throw so we figure it’s worth a try.

 

[charles4u]

@lowlight Ours isn't the fastest either, but also most of the kids are really bad at t-ball anyway, so it's more for socialization and learning team spirit and cooperation I think

 

[kosherinchrist]

@lowlight I agree things will pick up in K! In the meantime consider a social media page for your prek group and say we’re going to x park Saturday 1-3 if anyone wants to join. I’ve seen this before and it’s a helpful low stakes approach.

 

[mattburns]

@lowlight I relate. I’ve noticed people (other parents included) don’t really seem to like me. Maybe it was something that happened before but I didn’t notice because I didn’t have a child. I’m questioning if I’m neurodivergent (I’m 90% sure I am) because of how clueless I am as to why others don’t respond positively to me. Our neighbor has a son who is a year older than my child but they’ve never really met, just seen each other in passing. Why? I don’t know. I’ve tried to make small talk with the neighbor but she generally avoids me.

Husband’s relatives have small children and they all get together but we don’t get invited. Why? I have no clue. I’ve chit chatted with them and seemingly had a good time. Our son also has a six month old cousin whose mom I text here and there. We’ve invited them over and they didn’t come. They haven’t extended an invitation over to theirs.

All this to say, I’m just as confused as you and I really hope it doesn’t affect our son negatively because he deserves the world, not exclusion. He didn’t get to pick him mom so he shouldn’t be punished because there’s something off about me.

Sorry for all the venting. As my son gets older it gets harder to socialize him. Once he starts school I may be less worried, not sure. Growing up I only ever socialized at school and it wasn’t so bad. Then again I had a sibling. Sigh. Sorry I don’t have any answers.