My question is in reference to this video, where the presenter says that during a meltdown a child's brain becomes 'disconnected' and 'they can't even hear you'.
His phrasing is very non-scientific (the bit about 'their brain not communicating with their frontal lobes' doesn't really make sense) but the experience he's describing is exactly what I find with my son.
My son is 3 years old and for the most part is a communicative, positive person, but when he gets to a certain level of upset he shuts down and doesn't / can't / won't listen. I would love to know if there's any truth to this idea that during meltdowns / tantrums the brain behaves differently, causing the child to become uncommunicative.
@footstool I just found this subreddit so sorry for a very late reply. My son has autism and this is definitely a thing. It therapist helped us out tremendously by teaching us to start asking questions that he knows answers for when he gets overstimulated or in meltdown territory. It's a great way of knowing which part of the brain has control over then at the moment. If they can't answer, there is almost zero frontal lobe operating and you're wasting your breath. Once they're calm enough to answer simple questions then they are available to talk to. Maybe not reason with, but at least they are present.
@asking_about_healing Thank you, and no worries for the late reply. Very helpful. The idea of asking them questions they know answers to is great, I will remember this.
@footstool Hi, as someone who has had to learn a lot about this as an adoptive mum thus is absolutly true. At the height of dysregulation, ie a full blown not in control tantrum they can hear you but the words dont make any connection to thier brain, they are fully in fight or flight mode and have very little to none reasoning capacity. Best thing to do is make them feel safe and wait it out which can be distressing and work with them outside these times to manage thier disappointment/anger/controlling behaviours.
@footstool So much! Let me check the bookshelf, be aware im coming at this through an adoptive parent lens so a lot of the books deal with attachment as well. The psychology is good for all though.
The A-Z of therapeutic parenting is great guide for lots of different behaviours, and is paired with therapeutic parenting essentials by sarah naish
