Is it just hormones??

[shawn158]

Late bloomer (F, 40) with a younger spouse (M, 35). Got pregnant at 38. LO is 10 months old now.

I never thought I wanted even one, but after a lot of therapy, I learned that I actually just feared replicating my not-so-safe childhood. (Being an only child made that worse FWIW.) I wanted a second within weeks of my first birth. Spouse warmed up to the idea a few months later.

Now, I am 40, medically approved to go ahead, but wondering (since I am still nursing) is it just hormones?

I've got all the normal worries everyone discusses on this page (loss of closeness with #1, money, time, space, my age). But I am also wondering if anyone on here really changed their desire for more kids once their current ones got past a year / you got done nursing / the mega-dose of hormones finally got out of your system?

 

[mvb552]

@shawn158 After the birth of my first I had a crazy strong desire for a second- definitely felt linked to my hormones. The longer away from the birth I got, the desire for a second didn’t go away, it just switched from a bodily thing to a cognitive/conceptual thing. I don’t remember when that happened, but I think by 10 months it had already shifted for me.

But even if it is partly hormones for you, it’s not like that doesn’t make the desire real or less rational. I guess the fear is it will go away faster or be more ephemeral, and then you’ll be stuck with a baby to raise after that desire passes. But so much of parenting is about ephemeral rises in hormones/dopamine - it’s a huge part of what brings joy to my life right now. So even if the decision is partly made from those hormones, I don’t think that makes it irrational, just one part of the picture. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

 

[shawn158]

@mvb552 omg this is a beautiful answer / framing, thank you

 

[houstonreborn]

@shawn158 FWIW, I wanted another until a few months after I stopped breastfeeding. Normally, I’d recommend anyone wait 6 months to one year after birth/breastfeeding because those hormones really can change your perspective on things. I understand you may not feel like you have that time given your age.

 

[shawn158]

@houstonreborn Yeah, the ticking clock feels very tricky here.

 

[faithnazarene615]

@shawn158 I’m 38. LO is 15 months and still breastfeeding. I’m 90% sure I’d like to have another one. Some days that other 10% grows when I’m extra tired or overwhelmed with all the chores and doubt in my abilities creeps in. That said, I’ve decided to wait until he’s two. To make sure that I’m sure, and because I don’t want to wean him too soon. This took a lot of stress away for me. Even with the pressure of time. I have finally been able to put it on the back burner of my mind.

 

[katrina2017]

@shawn158 I’m still nursing at 10 months and I’m now about 80% one and done, after having had a strong desire for a second (or more!) right after the birth and during the first months.

I think it was hormonal. I felt quite euphoric after he was born, and I felt this strong urge to get pregnant again right away (even though for us it would have been terrible to have 2 under 2 and I had a c section so it would have even been risky.) When I had some symptoms at 4 months pp, I took a pregnancy test and I was disappointed that it was negative.

Fast forward to about 8 months pp and the reality of motherhood had really sunk in and I started to realise I might be OAD. Like another person has said, it’s like it suddenly stopped being a bodily thing and became cognitive

 

[shawn158]

@katrina2017 I feel this. I am still nursing, but I think I went from "baby fever" to okay, what would this look like, do we have the money, where would they sleep...

 

[chasingod]

@shawn158 If you make an informed decision that isn't just based on emotions, I don't think hormones are a problem. Sure, hormones could still swing the ultimate decision one way or another, but they won't make you actually conceive.a second children if the mere idea would be absurd without the hormones. You will not be that wrong. Your decision will be fine, no matter what you decide.

 

[katrina2017]

@shawn158 I think it’s more the opposite. I don’t want another after I stopped nursing but REALLY didn’t want another when we were nursing. Also once my period returned, the ovulation hormones actually make me want another but just for a day or two!

But 2 under 2 is not for the faint of heart. I know you don’t have time to wait…but it’s intense.

 

[shawn158]

@katrina2017 I keep telling myself "it'll be fine" as though I can will it to be so.

 

[phillipunion]

@shawn158 I was OAD until my kid turned 2 or close to. I was never able to breastfeed so my hormones were pretty leveled within the first few months. I don’t think wanting another or not is hormones at all. Once your kid starts actually getting a personality your desire will just grow more and more so if you already feel that way I say go for it!

 

[theclanofharris]

@shawn158 It sounds like you want another. I wouldn't worry too much about the influence of hormones. Trust yourself that you know what you want! I'd start trying now considering your age. Unfortunately every 6 months does make a huge difference in your 40s.

Best of luck!

 

[hannabanana13]

@shawn158 I got pregnant at age 35 by surprise (basically just not being careful - but it shocked the hell out of me). I didn't know if I wanted kids. My sweet daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and since soon after her birth I've wanted another. She just turned 2 and I want another more and more. (We've been trying for about a year...fingers crossed...)