I feel like I ruined my body by having a vaginal birth

[thytotodile]

I had a c-section in 2021. I had a VBAC almost 4 months ago and I fully regret my decision. Having a vaginal birth completely wrecked my pelvic floor and vagina. By 6 weeks after my c-section I felt almost 100% better. I’m 15 weeks postpartum now after my vaginal birth and I’m still taking 800mg of ibuprofen every 8 hours to try and dull how much pain I’m in.

I can’t stand for over 5 minutes without a heavy, intense ache in my pelvic area. It hurts so bad I feel like I’m going to puke. That pain goes away as soon as I lay down, though.

The other pain I’m having is where I tore. I tore up the entire right side of my vaginal wall. I can’t even stand up without feeling like that area is ripping back open, despite being checked several times and it is definitely healed. It’s like the area of the tear and the muscles around it hurts so bad.

I feel so alone in this journey. I’m losing my will to fight. I’m at a constant 6 or 7/10 pain. It’s all I think about. I’m just surviving and I’m watching the lives of my 2 year old and 4 month old pass me by. I’ve been to multiple gynecologists, an osteopath, I’ve been in pelvic floor therapy since 8 weeks postpartum with no change. I even got a pudendal nerve block done a week ago with no change as well.

Why does it seem like everyone else is in no pain at 4 months postpartum and I’m still living on high doses of ibuprofen? How will I ever get over this?

 

[kingdomleast]

@thytotodile You may have pubic symphysis dysfunction. I have that. It's been horrendous and I can still not walk without pain almost 6 months pp. The first few months I didn't have a word for it but was so glad to know that it was something specific!

 

[thytotodile]

@kingdomleast I will definitely look into that- thank you! I hope you find some relief soon, as well.

 

[kingdomleast]

@thytotodile Let me know if you think you have it! It seems there are some people who get it during pregnancy and it gets better after delivery but I got it from the trauma of delivery and if you have it too that also seems to be the case!

I forget if you said it in your post..but did you push for a long time? Mine was around 3 hours of pushing so I think that may have something to do with it.

 

[thytotodile]

@kingdomleast That sounds brutal! Actually the opposite for me though- I only pushed for 4 minutes! Which is so mind boggling to me that I’m so screwed up from this.

 

[nol]

@thytotodile So I had a very similar sensation during pregnancy. Laying down I felt fine, but within a few minutes of standing I felt the most horrible aching sensation. it was caused by pelvic congestion syndrome. It’s basically varicose veins in your pelvic region. They are often internal and you can’t see them, so they go misdiagnosed. If your pelvic floor PT and gyno haven’t seen any glaring issues, it might be worth getting an ultrasound with a vascular surgeon. So sorry you’re dealing with this, it seems well beyond the normal pain post vaginal birth.

 

[thytotodile]

@nol Pelvic congestion was actually mentioned on an MRI I had but it stated they were in my abdomen next to my uterus which isn’t where my pain is it. But now I’m wondering if this could still cause pain closer to my genitalia.

 

[jluponeage]

@thytotodile So consider that your MRI was almost certainly horizontal and in daily life you’re vertical. It’s definitely worth a discussion, because your veins flow toward your heart, which in your pelvis and abdomen is up. Gravity is not your friend here, and what’s happening closer to your heart, like around your uterus, could certainly cause discomfort further away, like in your pelvis and genitalia. That, and referred pain is tricky to identify, so anything abdominal can get kind of messy.

It’s absolutely worth revisiting and trying to see a specialist. I had an especially terrible vaginal birth (induction, 3.5 hours pushing, forceps, vaginal prolapse) and what you’re describing is well outside the realm of anything I’ve experienced since maybe 3 weeks PP. And if PT isn’t helping, it’s likely not musculoskeletal (though talk to them about the scar tissue - mine recommended using a vibrator on my scar from my 2nd degree tear to break it up a bit and help the nerves heal, and it’s basically back to normal - they can definitely help with that aspect). So vascular causes are worth exploring with the right experts, especially since you know there are abnormalities, they just aren’t where you’re experiencing pain.

 

[thytotodile]

@jluponeage That makes so much sense! Thank you so much for explaining that to me. I called yesterday and the vein clinic was able to get me in tomorrow. I am so hopeful this could give me some answers.

 

[nol]

@thytotodile I’m not a doctor from my excessive googling during pregnancy I think the ones near your uterus can still cause the pain you’re describing! My veins were external on my labia (yes, horrifying lol) but the pain was actually deep in my pelvis. Exactly how you described. Fortunately if that’s what it is, I think the fix is a relatively quick outpatient procedure.

 

[soldier0fchrist]

@thytotodile That's definitely concerning. I had 2 vaginal deliveries. My first in 2021 and it was the smoothest delivery ever. Recovery, not so much. I know it took me a good 2 months to bounce back. I remember having some very concerning clit pain that the doctors had no idea about... that took awhile to go away.

This delivery was mid October. The labor was awful but the recovery was much quicker. I had a second degree tear both times... but I will admit, I think this delivery ruined my back end rather than my front. I'm going to my GI doc in a week after waiting 3 months to see him. I was super swollen back there for a long time and was freaked out by it. During contractions I had severe pain in my colon. It like traumatized me. I would say I felt better within 6 weeks...but I also went out to the store 5 days after delivery bc I was so desperate to go shopping. My pregnancy kept me in the house for 3 months bc of the weight of her sitting low on me and me having horrible pressure in my bladder non stop.

I think it's different for everyone. Have you ever thought about a pelvic floor PT? Many women swore by it.

 

[thytotodile]

@soldier0fchrist Ugh, I’m so sorry you went through that and are continuing to go through it! I hope your GI has some answers for you.

Yes, I’ve been seeing a pelvic floor PT for 7 weeks now with no improvement unfortunately.

 

[soldier0fchrist]

@thytotodile Have they said anything about it? Us this your first vaginal delivery?

 

[thytotodile]

@soldier0fchrist Yes, this is my first vaginal delivery. I had 1 prior birth which was a c-section. My pelvic floor PT said the first layer of my pelvic floor is tight, and the other 2 layers are loose. But she seems to be confused as to why I’m having this type of pain.

 

[soldier0fchrist]

@thytotodile This may very well be the reason why. I wonder if you have any scar tissue from the c section causing problems. Did they suggest any kind of ultrasound? Like internal with contrast? I know with both my vaginal deliveries I felt like my insides were being pulled out by a magnet every time I stood up. That lasted for awhile

 

[rbministries]

@thytotodile I would go see a specialist, just check you don’t have a prolapse or anything. I had really awful pubic symphysis dysfunction.
It’s taken me almost a year of working out at the gym to get my strength back. I still can’t quite do single leg exercises. I could only walk a limited amount.
But I’m 13m pp and I’m so much better.

 

[motsworld]

@rbministries I have that too and also have Kaiser insurance so I had only a few pelvic floor therapy sessions. I was given exercises but I wasn’t sure if I was doing them correctly because I could never tell what the « weaker side » was. The PT wanted me to do the exercises on the « stronger side » to correct what she seemed to describe as tight abdominal muscle and pelvic floor fascia that were causing one side of my symphysis to slide forward.

I can’t run anymore without pain or do lateral exercises like skater’s lunges without feeling it the next morning. I’m almost 12 months pp. What exercises/advice did your PT give you? I ask because our issue sounded similar.

 

[rbministries]

@motsworld I know the skater lunges you’re talking about. And I was the same there’s no way I could do them without feeling awful the next day.
I think they’re too much, I wouldn’t be doing exercises like that.
So I had to do loads of transverse abdominal exercises. To strengthen my lower core. Which has also got rid of that mum pooch. One exercise that helped. I’ll try best describe it. I had a sit up aid under my back and instead it trying to lift my upper body to do a crunch I had to roll my hips towards my belly button and try and feel them engage and tense for a few seconds and then release and then repeat. It wasn’t a big movement. Anyone looking would think I wasn’t doing anything but that helped strengthen my lower core tremendously.

The other exercise was a single leg hip thrust but with one leg propped up on a box.
So you’re laying with your back on the ground, your heel up on the box that’s about 30cm high and then thrusting into the air. You could probably do it without a box.

And then the other one was on a hip abduction machine. Where your pressing the pads together with your knees. I had to start on a very low weight. And now I can lift heavy and I’m able to run again.

 

[motsworld]

@rbministries Thank you so much for the descriptions! I’ll try those because I do suspect it’s mostly my core and glutes causing the issue.

 

[thytotodile]

@rbministries I’ve been checked for a prolapse and thankfully I don’t have that. I guess that’s one thing I have going for me. I think I’m going to have to find care outside of the smaller town I’m in.