I f**ed up!

P

poppa51

New member
This is what has happened today - I was on my commute home from work and saw this lovely mum wearing her tiny baby with the same carrier I own, butt she was wearing her wrong. Baby was buried deep in her chest in warm clothes and the carrier was really low.

Now I never ever do this so God knows what force led me to this, but I complimented her on the lovely carrier and said you could lift it a bit higher so you can see her face. That’s when she got really angry and said that’s not my first baby and that’s unsolicited advice. And it was,is is her baby and who am I to say to her what is right or wrong.. God I felt like I was in real life reddit so just started chatting to her. I feel so bad! really wish I saw her again to apologise.

ETA: Thank you everyone for every single comment! I read them all! If so many people are saying I did nothing wrong then I’ll stop worrying about it! I’ll make sure in the future to be more careful and see whether it is an appropriate place/situation for my advice! Thank you!
 
To be fair, I was this person carrying my baby wrong and I really wish someone had told me and showed me how to fix it! Luckily nothing bad happened.
 
@douwant2go2heaven this is exactly what I was thinking after, I would be really happy if someone pointed out something like this as I really wasn’t malicious or patronising ! Oh well! thank you for making me feel better!
 
@poppa51 We teach our kids that we can only control our actions and intentions. We cannot control reactions of others. Give yourself grace. Your intent was kind and one of concern.
 
@poppa51 Omg I had an absolute PANIC ATTACK bc of this mom walking around Costco with a teeny tiny newborn absolutely buried in the wrap, I mean it looked like she had stuffed a tennis ball in her tank top that’s how buried the baby’s head was in this thing. I was standing there like “uhh uhhh uhhh” couldn’t figure out if I should say something or what, finally I was like screw this I have to say something or leave the store, I can’t deal with this! Then just as I start walking down the aisle to leave, I catch her at the end and see the baby’s beet red face popping out.

I mean I personally would’ve been grateful for someone to show me how to use a carrier bc I couldn’t do it and I wish I had done more baby wearing. But this mom did not look super friendly and she had a group of women with her - I just don’t know what to do in those situations!
 
@poppa51 Honestly, I bet she was just reactionary because she was embarrassed and wasn’t expecting to hear that, BUT that she did go home to look it up and/or will do it correctly the next time she baby wears! You did good!! :)
 
@danish84v I agree with this. I had someone say something to me with my oldest when I had the infant car seat clipped onto a shopping cart like I used to see people do all the time. I couldn’t quite understand what they said until I thought about it more after.

I said ok thanks, went on my way but googled it as soon as I got home and they were right. I never did it like that again
 
@jack54 Can you please say more on this? My mom took me to the grocery store the other week “to show me how easy it is” with my 6 week old, and she just put the car seat down into the main part of the shopping cart, where you would put the grocery items. Is that wrong to do? My mom had four kids and kind of does whatever she wants without thinking about safety so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not advised. But if not, how do you go to the store with a baby that can’t sit up yet?
 
@neko1 It’s wrong to clip on the top for 2 reasons. You can put in the main part of the cart

First the clips on the car seat that hold it in place to the base in the car could become damaged since they aren’t meant to be clipped onto the shopping cart. That could lead to the car seat becoming a projectile with baby in it due to the force of an accident.

Second is there are instances of either the whole seat falling off the cart, a cart tipping or baby sliding out of the seat (not buckled properly).

The safest is to put the whole car seat inside the cart instead or use the stroller in the store or baby wear instead. Baby wearing was my favourite because then people can’t touch as easily.

I’ll try to find reference for what I said
 
@poppa51 Someone did this to me once and I had a completely different reaction - I paused, said “you are absolutely right, thank you” and I was grateful.
it’s not you.
You can’t control how other people react.
You meant well and you did what was in your heart.
Never lose that.
 
@poppa51 LO is 4mo now and I'm still not entirely confident when having her in the carrier. I'd be happy if someone pointed it out to me, if she's sitting there in a bad way. Don't feel ashamed. You did the right thing!
 
@douwant2go2heaven Same here I was baby wearing wrong, fellow mom helped me, I was SO thankful because I didn’t know wtf I was doing. A few months later I saw the same thing-mom baby wearing incorrectly and thought “oh let me help like that mom did for me one day!” Only to get glared at like I punched her. I felt so stupid. Mainly because I didn’t even think that reaction could’ve been a possibility!!?! 🤦‍♀️🥴
 
@poppa51 As a mommy of a new baby I appreciate thr unsolicited advice my older neighbor gives me!

She gives solid advice... I didn't even think to get my 3 month old a sunhat or establishing a bedtime routine just yet.

If it's about baby safety it's 100000% worth saying.
 
@0st Baby safety is when i feel like it’s ok to say something. I usually ask myself, could baby die? If yes, then I say something.
 
@syrak Exactly!!!! Like I never get insulted from others advice but I would only personally say things if the baby is in danger
 
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