I can’t do this

K

kattty222i

New member
My baby is almost 5 weeks old, it’s my first. My husband went back to work M-F and I can’t do this. He won’t sleep in a bassinet or crib or a swing or anything for more than a handful of minutes. I’m even doing bed sharing now, which I absolutely hate. It doesn’t matter. He won’t sleep unless you walk him around in a carrier or hold him and pat his back until he’s dead asleep. And you can’t transfer him anywhere at that point either because he just wakes up. We’ve bought so many kinds of swaddles. I’ve filled his belly as much as I can. I’ve put my clothes and a heating pad in his bed before putting him in it. We’ve done baths before bed. Now him and I are in a bed together. I even ordered a snoo. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that works is being held or walked but it’s only me now. Before my husband went back to work, the only thing we could do is take shifts. But I can’t stay up all night and then be home with him all day and only take 2 two hour naps in the evening in between feeds when my husband is home. I kept falling asleep holding or feeding him in unsafe places. We don’t have family nearby, but even when my mom is here she can’t be up with him during the night, and she can only be here for a couple days at a time. He won’t even keep the boob in his mouth laying with me in bed so everytime it falls out he wakes up and screams. My nipples are sore from him latching and unlatching all night trying to sleep. Everyone says this will end but that doesn’t help. I’m on antidepressants and I see my therapist every week but I can’t do this if I can’t sleep. How am I even supposed to go back to work at 3 months?
 
@kattty222i You are doing everything right. From your description above it sounds like you are exhausted, in pain and frustrated. All are normal feelings. I am not a mom, but a dad who took care of our little one during this time while my wife healed/went back to work.
  • Have you considered switching to formula? I know this is a touchy subject, and sometimes taken as an insult. It can alleviate some of the stress/pain of feeding. Also you can gauge how much they are eating.
  • 5 week mark could be the start of a growth spurt. 3 week, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months they sprout and get very fussy, and hungry. It lasts a few days, but cluster feeding is real.
  • For sleeping try to put him in the bassinet and hold his hand.
  • Take him to the doctor to see if there is anything medical going on (acid reflux, breast milk intolerance, etc).
Kudos to you for going to therapy, very important.

At the end of the day you are doing an amazing job. Keep it up, try new things to see what works, what doesn’t work. Also, you are half way through the newborn phase. Around three-four months they start sleeping more (5-6 hours at a time) and feeding becomes less.
 
@tokage Seconding the formula if you're open to it. My hubby also went back to work around 5-6 weeks postpartum and I genuinely don't think I could have handled it without formula. There are ways to make a bigger batch ahead of time (we use Dr Brown's pitcher, keep it in the fridge for max 24h and warm up a bottle as needed in an electric bottle warmer, literally takes 2 min). Formula is said to metabolize more slowly, keeping them full longer. Also usually they eat a bigger amount from a bottle (though avoid Philips Avent if you're aiming for that) which again keeps them full longer. At 5-6 weeks my bub was sleeping 4 hours minimum at one time, allowing me to at least function. Anecdotally all my friends who breastfeed got max 2 hours. Now at 11 weeks he sleeps about 6 hours at once at night. It's still hard but manageable.
 
@yytg12 Him sleeping isn’t a problem though, it’s that he will only sleep when held. I can get 2-4 hours of sleep when my husband stays up to hold him but now that he’s back at work there’s no one to hold him for me so I can sleep for those 2-4 hours. He’s even gone for up to 6 hours twice.
 
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