I’m just f%cking tired

[jordansomething]

@pencil_on_paper If I could upvote this more, I would. Everything is on point, even if I wish more than anything that wasn’t the case.

To add salt to the lack of proper follow up care. At my hospital there was a print out in the bathroom stating they would be reaching out after birth to schedule pelvic floor therapy. I thought this was great and was looking forward to it. It’s been 5 weeks and I haven’t heard a word.

 

[tessla]

@pencil_on_paper Godda m. This is truth.

 

[chashathaway]

@pencil_on_paper I feel this. I’m so tired of men at working acting like I don’t matter, treating me like I’m an idiot, disrespecting me to my face. I want to look for a new job but will it even be any better at another company?

 

[missmomar]

@pencil_on_paper I think the mental load is the worst part. I make so many fucking decisions everyday and so many of them have negative consequences. I just want my husband to provide his input about what he thinks is best sometimes.

 

[adelita]

@pencil_on_paper We've made some financial sacrifices and I do some hardcore budgeting in order to stay home and look after my baby. It's worth it. We're lower middle class but I don't even care. I'll take less money and getting to spend time with my son over a career any day. If we can get by, I'm staying home. I can pursue a career later.

 

[whateverist]

@adelita Any tips on the financial sacrificing part? I’m staying home now as well and are some how making it work- but I’m not sure how. But I LOVE that right now I’m able to spend every day with her

 

[adelita]

@whateverist I'm glad you get to be home

I follow the 50/30/20 rule for budgeting (50% of paycheck goes towards needs/bills, 30% is spending, 20% is savings). However, sometimes if our bills are higher that month, I'll do 60/20/20, or even 70/10/20, we just try not to spend too much because I don't want to touch the savings. I don't know if this is the best way to budget, it's just what works for us.

My biggest tip is MEAL PLAN. And stick to your grocery list! I physically sit down and allot time for this every Sunday. Usually my week looks like; cook Monday and Tuesday, leftovers Wednesday. Cook Thursday, leftovers Friday and Saturday. Sunday is just for eating whatever is left in the fridge, usually I'll make a nice big breakfast so we don't eat a whole lot later in the day anyway. So, I decide what the 3 meals are going to be, then write down all the ingredients I'll need for each meal, and stick to that list. This was the biggest money saver for us. It also helps get you into cooking. I've learned so much about how to cook food from doing this. I hated cooking when I worked. Now that I have more free time, it's become almost like a hobby, and it's the cheapest hobby there is.

Another big tip would be to stay away from fast fashion. Thrift as much as you can, and save your money for high-quality clothes. They last way longer. You're going to be throwing a lot of money away buying cheap clothes that fall apart in a small matter of months/years.

Don't drink when you eat out. We only eat out maybe once or twice a month if the spending allows, most months not at all because I cook a lot. This also helps with not feeling guilty when you've had a particularly rough day/week and just don't feel like cooking.

 

[retroprophet]

@adelita Agree 100%. As soon as our LO joined us, it put everything into perspective for me. Going to work every day was no longer something I could benefit from. Being a SAHD is the best thing I have ever got gotten to do.

 

[arc4ne]

@pencil_on_paper Someone, actually some TED talk, once told me that we have 7 lifetimes worth of dreams. And only one life time. So we have to miss out on the majority of things we thought we could do.

It sounds like you've already had an awesome career. And it's something you could return to later. Would you consider leaving the workforce to spend more time with your child? Yes, money is always the issue, but budgets can be changed too.

You can have anything you want. But you can't have everything you want. Especially not all at once. There will always be a trade off cost. Which will you regret the most?

 

[alicemarie]

@arc4ne This is the most unfortunate comment here

 

[veronm144]

@arc4ne Welp you missed the whole damn point

 

[igeduhoc]

@arc4ne ewwwwww

 

[mykalh]

@arc4ne I’d like to be able to retire one day. I’d like to have health insurance. I’d like a stable income. My husband is a “struggling artist”. You leave a good paying stable job? Good luck trying to get it back when the job only opens up after someone retires after their career is over. If you work 4 10 hour days, you still have a whole 3 days to spend with kids and holidays and vacation and sick time. I’d prefer not having to use a food bank or neglect house repairs because we don’t have the money. In my household, we need my income. Sometimes staying home is not an option.

 

[faceless1]

@pencil_on_paper I agree with most of this, and I am also a working mother and it is really hard!

The experience with the MBA is not unique to women and if that’s not what you were saying, sorry I interpreted that wrongly. My ex-coworker who is a man and is in his late 40s has an MBA and cannot find a job. He had been looking for almost five years and another male friend of mine had a very similar situation. In our industry women actually have a lot more success and power.

And the other point I don’t agree with you is the part on capitalism. Capitalism is the reason why you’re able to make a living and have a job and pay for everything and get good medical care. Check out places without it, not such great places to live and those coincidentally also happen to be places where women are treated really really badly and have almost no rights. However, a place like Sweden is actually capitalist and they have way better support for people. The US hasn’t gotten the memo.

That being said childcare is really expensive and the cost of everything has gone up while salaries have not gone up at the same rate and so affording things is hard. Daycare in my area is $1500/month.

And yeah parental leave in this country is a total joke. I only got one month leave at my job.

I’m the one that makes more money and so I feel a lot of pressure to work and make a certain amount of money. I’ve been laid off many times and it’s always in the back of mind.

Women are expected to do a lot, but don’t get that much credit that’s for sure.

 

[zenmaster]

@pencil_on_paper Thank you.