I’ve been slowly feeling like I’m on the brink of a mental breakdown. I found myself in this sub, read the first current “top post” about touch love language being bullshit, and for the first time in about two years I finally feel like I’m not alone.
My husband is amazing. He helps with the house, he does most of the cooking and dishes. There’s times I honestly feel a bit guilty like I should be doing more. We have an 18th month old girl and a 9 year old boy (from another relationship, my husband and I began dating when my son was 2), but after having the baby was the first time I didn’t go back to work, or have a stable job since I was 14. Instead I started my own business when the pandemic started and have been home with the baby (toddler) doing the school runs, and keeping up with my growing business from home. To say I’m exhausted is just the tip.
Yet, my husband is one of those. That “his love language is touch”, and I just need to touch more, be more affectionate. But like many of those comments in that thread, there’s never just a cuddle. Ever. Which in turn over time has caused me to not even want to cuddle. Touched out as some call it. I felt that to my core. We do have sex, not as frequent as prebaby, but never enough. The guilt is overwhelming. For so long I keep feeling like something is wrong with me. Why don’t I want it?? He tells me he’s a sexual person, and why am I not sexual?? Or just flat out tells me I’m not a sexual person. I am though. Or I was, when I wasn’t so exhausted all the time. It honestly hurts when he says this, it feels so so misogynistic. Or worse, he tells me he needs it because he feels like I’m not attracted to him, and he needs the confirmation. It’s just all so mentally exhausting.
To top it off, my birthday was a week ago and my gift was $150 to a lingerie online store. We are not well off (did I mention I’m starting a business??) $150 for bras and underwear’s is absurd. And then tonight I comment I wish our daughter could sleep better (she has a stuffy nose currently) and his response was he wished I wore lingerie more, which made the birthday gift feel even more icky. I just feel like I’m at a breaking point. The more he pushes the less I want it, but I don’t know what to do.
My husband is amazing. He helps with the house, he does most of the cooking and dishes. There’s times I honestly feel a bit guilty like I should be doing more. We have an 18th month old girl and a 9 year old boy (from another relationship, my husband and I began dating when my son was 2), but after having the baby was the first time I didn’t go back to work, or have a stable job since I was 14. Instead I started my own business when the pandemic started and have been home with the baby (toddler) doing the school runs, and keeping up with my growing business from home. To say I’m exhausted is just the tip.
Yet, my husband is one of those. That “his love language is touch”, and I just need to touch more, be more affectionate. But like many of those comments in that thread, there’s never just a cuddle. Ever. Which in turn over time has caused me to not even want to cuddle. Touched out as some call it. I felt that to my core. We do have sex, not as frequent as prebaby, but never enough. The guilt is overwhelming. For so long I keep feeling like something is wrong with me. Why don’t I want it?? He tells me he’s a sexual person, and why am I not sexual?? Or just flat out tells me I’m not a sexual person. I am though. Or I was, when I wasn’t so exhausted all the time. It honestly hurts when he says this, it feels so so misogynistic. Or worse, he tells me he needs it because he feels like I’m not attracted to him, and he needs the confirmation. It’s just all so mentally exhausting.
To top it off, my birthday was a week ago and my gift was $150 to a lingerie online store. We are not well off (did I mention I’m starting a business??) $150 for bras and underwear’s is absurd. And then tonight I comment I wish our daughter could sleep better (she has a stuffy nose currently) and his response was he wished I wore lingerie more, which made the birthday gift feel even more icky. I just feel like I’m at a breaking point. The more he pushes the less I want it, but I don’t know what to do.