I’m boring

A

antnf8900

New member
Did anyone else go through this and come out less boring? I have nothing to contribute to conversations anymore.

My daughter is 20 months and I think she’s hitting the terrible 2’s early. She knows all her body parts, colors, and shapes and uses mostly sign language and a few words to communicate and we have at least one epic meltdown a day, usually 2-3 and I’m completely burnt out from them. And they happen anywhere. The pool, the park, the museum, the library, the car, at home, out and about.

I have been trying to do some things for me. We have a nanny come for 8 hours a week since we have no support from family and no friends to rely on. And even then, I’m spending it doing errands, going to doctor appointments, and I’ve started trying to go for a swim or sit in a cafe and knit. But, no one I know is going to want to talk about yarn or they are bragging about their kid and I just…don’t have anything to add.

It’s been really challenging. All the doctors appointments have been stressful too. First, my dog bit me so we had to put him down. Then another UTI, and now I found a lump in my breast and it turns out I have cysts everywhere in them. Only a 2% chance anything is cancerous, but still anxiety producing. And I don’t really want to casually talk about any of it.

What am I supposed to say anymore? My kid is a ball of frustration and screaming in between being super smart? I’m in my early 30s and I’ve seen close to 10 medical professionals in the last 6 weeks? I know it would help my mental health to socialize, but every time I try I don’t have anything to say.

Anyone have some advice?
 
@marisasa Podcasts and books also give me something "non-mom" to talk about to people. I've learned that I know a surprising amount of readers and listeners, which makes me feel more normal.
 
@marisasa Agreed. I might talk about some podcast I heard and only half remember too often... but non parents probably rather hear about that than kid stuff. And it makes those mindless tasks so much less boring.
 
@pilgrim6295 I like Smartless with Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes. I feel like it's funny but also gives me pretty current things to talk about with people.
 
@antnf8900 I feel your post in my bones. The other day, I wanted to talk with my husband, but I had literally nothing to say that didn't relate to the baby (who I had already talked about in detail).

Until a few months ago, I had gallbladder issues, and the illness and worry is so time-consuming. I was convinced I'd have more to say once I was well, but even though I feel so much better, all that heads pace and energy is just consumed by the baby.

Tactics I am currently trying are listening to podcasts and working on my cooking skills. Podcasts don't require any extra time in my day, and I have to cook meals anyway. So far, the cooking thing isn't a great topic of conversation with friends.

You aren't alone innfeeling this way. Hopefully, we are only in this season for a short while. And best of luck with your treatment.
 
@antnf8900 I’ll be boring with you!

I have such a hard time listening and engaging when my husband tells me about his work. My mind is doing rainbow cartwheels and I’m like FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.
 
@antnf8900 I listen to public radio and global news podcasts, I can usually make conversation about something going on in the world or just a random topic they covered. Other than that I just ask people about themselves , that goes a long way.
 
@antnf8900 This is something I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about over the past 4 years of my SAHP journey. Here's a few of my thoughts.

- It's okay to enjoy the simple things. Consumerism and social media has taught us that new is better. New is not always better. If you spend your life chasing newness you will never be content. If you spend your life chasing the monumental moments you will miss out on the simple joys. And who better to teach us about simple joys than a toddler?

- You are growing in character. My guess is that if you were to consider that last 2 years of your life, you would see that you have changed as a person. Perhaps you are more patient. Perhaps you are better at time management. Perhaps you have learned how to be more direct and clear about your own needs and boundaries. Whatever it is, you have learned and grown in many new ways and I'd argue that growing in character is way more valuable than developing a new hobby or taking a trip.

- Having knowledge or experience doesn't necessarily make you a good conversationalist. The best storytellers are the ones who can talk about everyday things and make them relatable. The funniest comedians are people who can find humor in the mundane. There are many YouTube videos on how to become a better storyteller and there are workshops and groups that focus on public speaking skills. Maybe that could be your next hobby.

No idea if you are religious, to be honest I'm not really anymore. But I grew up in a religious household and I always liked this Bible Verse: "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands." 1 Thessalonians 4:11 It's okay to have a quiet, stable, steady, predictable life right now. In fact, kids thrive in that environment.
 
@antnf8900 No advice same boat. I can feel conversations die around me. I don’t want to be this way!!! I’m programmed for kid jokes and kid friendly science explanations and that it!
 
@antnf8900 I feel the same way. Sometimes when I hear myself talk with my husband, I cringe. It’s usually about the kids, dinner recipes or some meme I found funny on Reddit. I love my kids, I love my family but I do feel like I lost myself when I became a SAHM and I’m still working on finding myself again.
 
@pchees I'm in this boat too, cringe and all. I like the way you put it.

As I explained to a child free friend, it's like I'm not the main character in my own story anymore.
 
@antnf8900 I feel this deeply, for me however I realised it was a confidence/mild depression thing. When I was lacking confidence, feeling down I felt like this and couldn't make conversation.
 
@antnf8900 I'm a fellow knitter (and crocheter, and quilter...). I've found I need to do something with my hobbies during naptime everyday or I feel like going crazy.

So, what are you knitting? 😄
 
@kansas22 A hat, a shawl, and swatching for a sweater. And yes - so much knitting during naps. I’m a bit stuck right now for “easy” knitting on hard days. I’m getting sick of hats!
 
@antnf8900 That sounds lovely! I hear you. It helps to have short and satisfying projects but also to have more complicated projects to switch between depending on how the day is going. Good luck to you. You are not alone!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top