How To Gently Stop Family Bed Situation

[roberte]

Hi everyone! I currently have a 2.5y/o as well as a newly 1 y/o. We have been doing a family bed situation for quite some time now and I think it’s finally time to stop. Originally, we were getting more sleep by doing the family bed situation but now I feel like everyone’s sleep is taking an impact. My partner has started sleeping on the couch the last two nights as the kids are all over the bed and freak out when we try and move them to make space. The 1 y/o is also waking up super early and waking everyone else up because he wants to play (like, 5am early whereas 2.5 y/o would easily sleep until 8) The things that might make this tricky, in my opinion, is that the 1 y/o still occasionally wakes up to nurse. In addition, we live in a 2 bedroom apartment and have structured it to utilize the second bedroom as a “Montessori type” playroom, and with lack of space I’d like to continue to have one room for sleep and that room for the play area. Basically I’m asking for advice on how to do this or to just deal with it for another year or two until we have more space/a house? I specifically have always been adamant about the attachment style parenting so not quite sure how to proceed. I do know that I am not getting enough sleep so I’ve been grumpier which I don’t want to project onto the kids.

 

[esdras]

@roberte Would putting a toddler bed in your room be feasible? During the transition you can lay down on his bed with him and help him fall asleep, then move to your bed after

 

[roberte]

@esdras So far, after talking to a friend, I think this is what I’m going to attempt to do with him at least. Get a toddler bed, let him pick out the new sheets, maybe a stuffed animal, and really hype him up about it… the part I’m most concerned about is that his “comfort item” is my hair. He looovessss running his fingers through and pulling my hair to relax himself. Maybe a toy with long hair?

 

[a_aron1011]

@roberte So this is weird but my friend was just telling me that when her son was a baby, his comfort thing was also her hair. She ended up buying him a weave of hair for him to cuddle with and that did the trick haha

 

[rainbow35]

@a_aron1011 that's hilarious

 

[roberte]

@a_aron1011 Not going to say it hasn’t crossed my mind, might be worth the shot

 

[roninmd]

@roberte Just be careful with a hair extension, could be a strangulation hazard

 

[esdras]

@roberte Does he like the troll movies? Maybe a plush troll doll could work

 

[roberte]

@esdras We haven’t seen those, but after looking them up I don’t see why they wouldn’t work anyways!

 

[esdras]

@roberte There’s lots of versions on Amazon! Even a pillow pet one if he uses pillows yet

 

[roberte]

@esdras Thank you, I will have to look around!

 

[paultimothy]

@roberte My younger brother's comfort item was my mom's hair. She wound sit next to his toddler bed and let him play with it until he fell asleep. Then we got a kitten and it was a game changer! My brother would take the kitten with him to sleep and stroke it when falling asleep. Sometimes just cuddling. But right after the kitten he didn't need my mom or her hair to fall asleep!

 

[roberte]

@paultimothy Interesting!! Really would love a cat so maybe this will be the reason to get one

 

[jesusismysavior]

@roberte I first started putting my kid down in her own bed and telling her she could come in my room at night if she woke up. Then, eventually I started bringing her back to her own room if she woke up, and getting her to fall back to sleep there. Now she doesn't ever wake up in the night, and just sleeps all night in her own bed, though I do cuddle her in her own bed for a bit as part of the bedtime routine.

It's important to be consistent here. I had a sleepover with her in my bed one night, and it set her back. She was at my door every night again suddenly, saying she couldn't sleep and wanted to sleep in my bed.

 

[roberte]

@jesusismysavior That sounds like a plan. Is there a specific timeline you followed? I know it’ll be hard but the consistency seems like the winning option here

 

[jesusismysavior]

@roberte I don't remember exactly, I feel like she was probably coming into my room in the middle of the night for a couple of months before I started bringing her back to her bed.

 

[kimstar]

@roberte We have a little toddler bed next to our big bed for our 3.5 year old. My 13 month old still sleeps with me on the futon.

 

[roberte]

@kimstar This is what I think we’ll go for. We currently have a crib sidecar-ed to our bed, so I think we might put the extra wall back on that for the younger one. Then put a toddler bed on the other side or foot of the bed

 

[brandilynn17]

@roberte A floor bed in the Montessori room could work, and it's better than a toddler bed (wherever it is) for hair access. You'd also get more flexibility about when to put the 1yo to bed in your room.

 

[harveyg]

@roberte Id just deal with it and let everyone adjust.

lol i enjoy when the little one wakes up and wakes us all up --because it synchronizes the other kid to go to bed at the same time lol

I do side lying dream feeding for my little one who still nurses. We both go right back to sleep.

Sometimes my husband sleeps on the couch and prefers it actually and on the weekends we all pile in bed.