pjgirdwood1
New member
Sorry for this being soooo long. For a little back story, I (28F) have a friend (32M)from high school who has a 4 year old daughter that was abandoned by her mother before she was 2yo. I left our state to move 800 miles away for 6 years, so I was not around for that situation. However I recently moved back, and because we were so close from the time I was 15-22ish (and we’ve always kept in contact), obviously he wants me to be integrated into her life since those two are glued at the hip and he and I want to hang out a lot more. There might be some romantic feelings underneath the surface since he’s always carried this torch for me, but no matter what we’ll always be friends even if that relationship doesn’t happen. We had tried it a few times but life always got in the way. The platonic feelings will always be there and we will always always be in each others lives. Our history is very deep and sweet. Even when I was gone, when I would come to visit my family he’d always stop by my parents home and we’d have a sushi dinner and crappy movie event once a year. The point im trying to make is that I will never not be in their lives. Especially now that I’m home for good.
Anyways, I decided let’s go to the arts festival together. I got to meet her. I noticed she was incredibly happy to get to know me, and got very close right away. Asking me to hold her, holding my hand, making me play games with her. She literally calls her dad “Mommy daddy” which broke my heart into pieces when I found out she naturally started calling him “mommy daddy” and with the corrections he tells her “I’m daddy” it doesn’t matter. She has 2 older sisters from his previous marriage that go see their mom 50% of the time, but she just has her daddy. And she knows that. Apparently with any woman around dad’s age, she gets very enthusiastic about that woman. But not at all with men or the elderly. You almost wonder how much she really knows, and if we’re just perceiving this as a little girl who wants a mommy but that’s not really the case.
So I was very guarded when spending time with her, and being careful and easing into her because I don’t want her to look at me as a maternal figure unless he and I chose to be a serious romantic couple in the future. But for now I just want to be appropriate in our bonding. I don’t want to be the reason for more trauma done to this little girl. So how do I create an emotional boundary between her and I and let it naturally grow without it becoming a maternal figure situation? We are going to be seeing each other at least 2-3 times a week. So there’s that room for growth but also error. I think it’s obvious to everyone how worried I am about hurting her in the long run. But that’s because I love her dad, I respect the hell out of her dad, and I know he’s trying his hardest with such a hurtful situation that his daughter has been put in. I would never forgive myself if I accidentally somehow created false expectations or an incorrect narrative to her little brain. She’s doesn’t see practically any women she’s not related to, except dads friends wives. I’m an anomaly now that I’m here. Truthfully dad doesn’t know how to navigate the situation correctly either. And I want to do anything I can to help him without hurting his little one.
Anyways, I decided let’s go to the arts festival together. I got to meet her. I noticed she was incredibly happy to get to know me, and got very close right away. Asking me to hold her, holding my hand, making me play games with her. She literally calls her dad “Mommy daddy” which broke my heart into pieces when I found out she naturally started calling him “mommy daddy” and with the corrections he tells her “I’m daddy” it doesn’t matter. She has 2 older sisters from his previous marriage that go see their mom 50% of the time, but she just has her daddy. And she knows that. Apparently with any woman around dad’s age, she gets very enthusiastic about that woman. But not at all with men or the elderly. You almost wonder how much she really knows, and if we’re just perceiving this as a little girl who wants a mommy but that’s not really the case.
So I was very guarded when spending time with her, and being careful and easing into her because I don’t want her to look at me as a maternal figure unless he and I chose to be a serious romantic couple in the future. But for now I just want to be appropriate in our bonding. I don’t want to be the reason for more trauma done to this little girl. So how do I create an emotional boundary between her and I and let it naturally grow without it becoming a maternal figure situation? We are going to be seeing each other at least 2-3 times a week. So there’s that room for growth but also error. I think it’s obvious to everyone how worried I am about hurting her in the long run. But that’s because I love her dad, I respect the hell out of her dad, and I know he’s trying his hardest with such a hurtful situation that his daughter has been put in. I would never forgive myself if I accidentally somehow created false expectations or an incorrect narrative to her little brain. She’s doesn’t see practically any women she’s not related to, except dads friends wives. I’m an anomaly now that I’m here. Truthfully dad doesn’t know how to navigate the situation correctly either. And I want to do anything I can to help him without hurting his little one.