my little brother, who i’ll call “timmy” for the time being, is autistic and has pretty much always refused to eat proper meals because of it. ( as in he’ll eat snacks day and night, and justify it by saying he ate some blueberries or a single slice of turkey lunch meat earlier. ) he’s always been one to refuse listening to outside advice too, and he’ll play dumb in almost every situation even when it’s very clear that he understands what’s happening/what he’s meant to do, which is why i haven’t really been able to communicate properly with him about healthy eating. ( e.g. i made some waffles for him, he complained that he didn’t know how to take them out of the toaster. i told him to simply grab them, so he stormed off, upset that i wouldn’t do it for him while insisting “but i don’t know how to get them”. he’s been able to complete this task in the past. )
my nparents aren’t any help ( which is why i’m here instead of asking them ) and, if anything, make the situation worse. they do genuinely everything for “timmy,” from tying his shoes each morning to serving all of his meals for him to taking up his dish cleaning rotation as soon as he complains a little. while it’d be fine for them to do these things for him on occasion, they have never made him do them on his own ever, which is stunting his growth into independence. i’ve tried to explain to them that “timmy” will never be able to learn independence if they do everything for him. nmom says blames it all on ndad, while ndad claims he’d rather do things for “timmy” than listen to him complain. he’s also said that “‘timmy’ won’t do X if i don’t do it for him, and i can’t just let him starve/have a dirty room/have no clean clothes/etc.” but that’s exactly the issue; they’re making him so dependent on them that he isn’t learning how to do anything on his own.
one of those things is eat healthily.
“timmy” is noticeably underweight ( you can see his ribs- not prominently, like he’s starved or anything, but they’re there without you having to look for them ) because my nparents never taught him the importance of eating a balanced diet. ( granted, they didn’t teach myself or any of my older siblings either, but they also never spoiled us in the way they do him so we were forced to figure things out for ourselves anyways. ) his normal day consists of a packed lunch from my ndad ( kind of healthy, but the boxes are small and he doesn’t get nearly enough food from them ), then whatever snacks he feels up to later in the evening. those snacks are usually a mixture of some fruit and lots of chips, cookies, popcorn, etc.
my nparents rarely ever cooked supper, and when they did they made sure we knew they thought it was a very tiring task, so i’ve taken up the cooking since early 2022. i make a wide range of meals, 90% of which are healthy and include everything he would need, but he refuses to eat them, or even try them for that matter. he takes one look and decides whether or not he wants it, which is 85% of the time a strong no. then, in place of supper, he’ll load up on more snacks. i’ve tried accommodating my meal plans to his taste, but his usual appetite consists of macaroni ( specifically Kraft, which if you know, calls for an ungodly amount of margarine butter ) or something similarly unhealthy.
i tried to talk to him about why it’s important to eat protein, carbs, fiber, etc. in healthy portions. i ended up having to explain to him what those terms were and which foods they applied to.
i honestly don’t really know why i haven’t sought guidance sooner. i guess i’m just kind of dreading the moment where i actually have to sit down and try my hardest to talk him into eating healthily because i know it’s not gonna happen without a lot of effort on my end; effort i don’t fucking have because my nparents aren’t doing their job so now i have to be a student and an adult to a family of 7 at the same time. meanwhile the real adults act like children and bend to “timmy’s” every will.
it’s tiring as hell, and i wish they would’ve parented him - and the rest of us, really - from the start, but they haven’t, and it feels like it’s starting to get to be too late for me to “save,” so to speak, my little brother.
i don’t even know where to start. i feel like i’m watching “timmy” hurt himself and i can’t really do anything about it because he’s refusing to acknowledge the fact that he’s hurt at all in favor of not having to put in the work to heal.
i just need some advice. if you know how i could talk to him, please tell me. i’m so fucking tired and i’m willing to try a lot of things if it seems like they’ll help. i’ll even try talking to my nparents maybe, if i can figure out how the hell to do that.
thanks to anyone who comments.
my nparents aren’t any help ( which is why i’m here instead of asking them ) and, if anything, make the situation worse. they do genuinely everything for “timmy,” from tying his shoes each morning to serving all of his meals for him to taking up his dish cleaning rotation as soon as he complains a little. while it’d be fine for them to do these things for him on occasion, they have never made him do them on his own ever, which is stunting his growth into independence. i’ve tried to explain to them that “timmy” will never be able to learn independence if they do everything for him. nmom says blames it all on ndad, while ndad claims he’d rather do things for “timmy” than listen to him complain. he’s also said that “‘timmy’ won’t do X if i don’t do it for him, and i can’t just let him starve/have a dirty room/have no clean clothes/etc.” but that’s exactly the issue; they’re making him so dependent on them that he isn’t learning how to do anything on his own.
one of those things is eat healthily.
“timmy” is noticeably underweight ( you can see his ribs- not prominently, like he’s starved or anything, but they’re there without you having to look for them ) because my nparents never taught him the importance of eating a balanced diet. ( granted, they didn’t teach myself or any of my older siblings either, but they also never spoiled us in the way they do him so we were forced to figure things out for ourselves anyways. ) his normal day consists of a packed lunch from my ndad ( kind of healthy, but the boxes are small and he doesn’t get nearly enough food from them ), then whatever snacks he feels up to later in the evening. those snacks are usually a mixture of some fruit and lots of chips, cookies, popcorn, etc.
my nparents rarely ever cooked supper, and when they did they made sure we knew they thought it was a very tiring task, so i’ve taken up the cooking since early 2022. i make a wide range of meals, 90% of which are healthy and include everything he would need, but he refuses to eat them, or even try them for that matter. he takes one look and decides whether or not he wants it, which is 85% of the time a strong no. then, in place of supper, he’ll load up on more snacks. i’ve tried accommodating my meal plans to his taste, but his usual appetite consists of macaroni ( specifically Kraft, which if you know, calls for an ungodly amount of margarine butter ) or something similarly unhealthy.
i tried to talk to him about why it’s important to eat protein, carbs, fiber, etc. in healthy portions. i ended up having to explain to him what those terms were and which foods they applied to.
i honestly don’t really know why i haven’t sought guidance sooner. i guess i’m just kind of dreading the moment where i actually have to sit down and try my hardest to talk him into eating healthily because i know it’s not gonna happen without a lot of effort on my end; effort i don’t fucking have because my nparents aren’t doing their job so now i have to be a student and an adult to a family of 7 at the same time. meanwhile the real adults act like children and bend to “timmy’s” every will.
it’s tiring as hell, and i wish they would’ve parented him - and the rest of us, really - from the start, but they haven’t, and it feels like it’s starting to get to be too late for me to “save,” so to speak, my little brother.
i don’t even know where to start. i feel like i’m watching “timmy” hurt himself and i can’t really do anything about it because he’s refusing to acknowledge the fact that he’s hurt at all in favor of not having to put in the work to heal.
i just need some advice. if you know how i could talk to him, please tell me. i’m so fucking tired and i’m willing to try a lot of things if it seems like they’ll help. i’ll even try talking to my nparents maybe, if i can figure out how the hell to do that.
thanks to anyone who comments.
i know it’s a lot to handle, but i’m having trouble feeling fully okay when i know that some of my family members aren’t, and i know that’s probably not super healthy but i also don’t know how to stop myself from caring ( even though it’s hurting me in the long run, i realize ). there’s not really any adults i feel like i can talk to. i haven’t had a great experience with adults so i’ve always felt nervous around them, and honestly, i’d probably cry if i tried to talk to them. and also they’d probably end up talking to my parents who would then end up mad at me. i think the only reason why i could come on here was because i don’t have to actually face anyone. i’m not sure about the organization part, but i’m also not very convinced that they’d be able to convince my parents to do anything differently, and if anything, they’d - again - just end up and at me. i can look into options for leaving once i’m 18 and i’m lucky enough to have a decent amount of money atm, but i also can’t exactly talk to my parents about it because they’re exactly who i’m trying to escape.