Help with night terrors

[cindergames]

My son is in grade 1 and turned 7 in April. He’s had episodes of night terrors in the past, typically brought on by fatigue or stress. The first was when my wife assaulted me in front of him (hasn’t happened since). Then once when he was very tired and missed a nap. Then again when another adult verbally disciplined him.
Usually happens between 45 minutes to 1.5 hours after he goes to sleep and lasts for 20 or so minutes, during which he’s totally out of his mind and can’t be reasoned with. I try to hold him and calmly tell him that he’s safe and daddy’s there for him. Today I picked him up from school and he was visibly tired and stressed about his test this coming Friday. He has spelling tests in French and really doesn’t like getting mistakes…
I definitely hold him to a high standard, but I assured him that no matter what happens, we love him and are proud of him.
I got him to bed tonight at a reasonable time (7:30pm), but as he kept thinking about the test he freaked out, left the room and hid under the blanket on the couch. He then proceeded to have a full on night terror without even being asleep first! It’s slightly possible that he drifted off during the minute I walked away to get his brother some water, but he’s never left the bed before to have a night terror.
He calmed down after only 5 minutes this time and asked to sleep in our bed so I let him. He seems at ease now and will sleep.
Any recommendations? Or ideas? Possible causes?
I take such good care of these kids, but I want to help him somehow..

TLDR; 7yo having night terrors and I don’t know how to help him. Also would like to identify the root cause.

Sorry for the long post, any insight is very much appreciated.

 

[mr_cy90]

@cindergames Important and relevant: What is the deal with your wife? Has she assaulted you before? My son has night terrors due to my wife, based on how you respond to the above i may elaborate .

I’m just a dad, not a doctor, but try being a yes- man for a week or longer. Give him whatever he wants..of course if all he wants is candy then you must limit it. But let’s see what happens when he is happy and receiving only positive responses from one parent.

 

[cindergames]

@mr_cy90 She’s an alcoholic. About 2 years ago she had both kids and came home drunk (after driving them), then when I confronted her she punched me in the nose.
I’m still the primary caregiver to them, but I know they love her and she loves them.
Aside from that, the only thing my 7 year old wants is to stay home from school which I can’t allow, and I can’t tell the teacher to not test him since that wouldn’t be a good example. All I’m doing is telling him I’m proud no matter what etc.
Has your kid experienced night terrors? It’s so messed up..

 

[mr_cy90]

@cindergames Yes my son had night terrors due to rage behaviour from his mom. She would yell and throw things around my son since he was a baby, she never hit him but aggressively pulled his ear and more. I have been punched in the face by her-twice...now my sob is almost nine and the night terrors have stopped, primarily because I removed him from experiencing his mothers’ rage. Im told by a therapist that the terrible things my son saw and felt have inevitably enhanced his coping skills because my son has always had me to rely on for emotional and physical support.

Shower your child with praise, reward the accomplishments and ignore the mistakes. Think of night terrors as his way to release bad thoughts, as he does not have a vocabulary to describe his feelings or the patience to sit through counselling sessions. I play Minecraft with my son: this is when I ask him about his feelings and needs.

..now your wife.
Give her an ultimatum and stick to it. There can be plenty of harm inflicted on you and the kids due to her choice of behaviour-alcoholism. It’s time for her to deal with her shit or move on.

I’m in the middle of a separation, loved and adored my wife for 10 years but she refused/refuses to acknowledge her childhood trauma related issues; so during the last year I have had to shift my mind away from her and focus just on myself and my child. I will be fine, my son will be fine.

 

[cindergames]

@mr_cy90 Man this hits home. Thank you, I think I needed to hear that

 

[gogonz]

@cindergames Might be good to seek psychological counselling services for your child. Seems like he is dealing with a lot and could benefit from learning and implementing some more effective coping mechanisms.

 

[workin4jesus]

@cindergames Your son takes criticism very seriously...always intends to be in a comfort zone...i mean he will not tolerate anything that causes discomfort...he lacks emotional maturity .... This sort of tendency should not be encouraged as it will bring about serious issues that he will struggle to deal with later in life......you cant always be there to comfort him.....lack of coping and adaptive skills and failing to achieve emotional maturity required for that age is a big issue...kids or adults who lack coping skills will struggle in their life and may feel that this world is a dangerous place to live in....take him to a psychologist who will definitely help him to be more bold...behaviour therapy, cognitive therapy are some of the therapies that will be useful....meanwhile try role therapy...you can show him how to be strong..take help of kids of his age who are emotionally mature and a bit bold...and make them demonstrate before him how to react in tough situations.......to help him you can learn art therapy that will not only help him be more relaxed and you will get to understand what really bothers him....children imitate parents and their peers and learn...

 

[cindergames]

@workin4jesus This sounds exactly right, thank you. I’m going to engage a psychologist to help guide me through this