Guardians/Estate Planning?

[river518]

My spouse & I have 4 children ages 0-3. We previously asked a cousin to become our kids’ guardian should we both pass away. She is unmarried but is responsible, stable, educated, does want a big family & loves our kids very much! Our backup guardians have changed a couple times. The first couple does not want more than 2-3 kids, so they do not make sense anymore as we’ve both grown our families. The second couple recently shared some things that made us very uncomfortable, so we need to find a new backup. Only two of our siblings are even possibilities. One already has 2 young children and I don’t get the sense that they would choose to have 6+ kids total ... I’d be surprised if they had a 3rd baby. Should we still consider/ask them? The other has 4 children at home, ages 9-17 and 4 adult children + are beginning their next chapter as grandparents. Our affairs are in order so all of their finances/etc. would be fully taken care of, but obviously it’s an immense undertaking to raise someone else’s 4+ kids!

It’s important to us that if something were to happen, our kids stay together and aren’t split up. How did you choose or find a guardian for 4+ kids?

 

[momovich1]

@river518 there’s nothing that says you have to ask / tell. Pick the ones your kids would be best with - don’t tell them. You aren’t around for them to say no. Most people would do the right thing. Mom of 5 here - the guardians don’t know who they are as too many siblings to “pick” from while alive to not cause a rift.

 

[jakob92]

@river518 My best friend has always said she would take all my kids if need be. I know it would be a lot but she would have the support from my parents and their dads and their families as well so she wouldn’t be totally alone. Here you can’t have more than one guardian listed if you pass so it’s just her and her husband

 

[dnzundah]

@river518 Definitely ask. My sister and her husband have 2 kids and won't have anymore, but she happily agreed to being the guardians on our will. Only stipulation was that they wouldn't be able to afford 6 kids on their incomes. Since our finances are pretty good, we made sure we have large life insurance policies and all is well.

 

[uniquescreenname]

@river518 You should just ask. Nearly anyone doesn’t plan on immediately adopting 4 children but an emergency and family may make someone feel differently.

My dad doesn’t want any more children. But he’s really the only option if something happens to my husband and I so him and his wife would step up so his grandkids didn’t go into the system or get separated.

 

[322014]

@river518 First, just ask. Unless your relationship is strained, it’s just a conversation. Secondly, what about a neighbor, to help ensure your kids can stay in the same area? We just went through this process last year and our estate planner shared her approach. At first, when they had just one baby they named the grandparents, then later on they switched it over to siblings, then finally they switched over to neighbors they had become close friends with. Priorities and desires for your kids will change with time, and this is just what made sense to them.

Hope that helps! But yeah just ask your sibling(s). Also try not to sweat it too much - you have a primary guardian named and hopefully you’re all in good health!