Got genetic testing results back, and frustrated? [t/w: MC]

[starheel]

Hi all,

On 4/1, I found out at my 7w sonogram there was no heartbeat. Opted for a D&C, which I had on 4/4. Healing well, spotting as normal, very limited pain/cramping. Because partner and I are both data-driven, we opted to get carrier screening done at that appointment and to have the tissue from the D&C genetically tested.

Husband and I are not carriers for the same thing (we're each carriers for one thing, but since there's no overlap I was told the chances of our passing anything on are very slim). So that's good. Genetics from the tissue collected came back, and were all normal. Some kind of minor irregularity on chromosome 9 which is apparently not a cause of demise and not clinically significant.

I'm feeling frustrated that there's no answer. Since the MMC I decided to get my husband on a multivitamin, focus on losing a couple pounds, and bought some Brazil nuts, plus scheduled a GP appt since it's been a couple years since I've had regular bloodwork done. I know it's insane to rush to a specialist at this point, but part of me wants to because of the lack of a genetic explanation. This makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me, and that I just don't know what it is.

So, mixed emotions: happy about the fact that the carrier testing came back clear, but frustrated we've got no answers at this point. Interested in advice, similar stories, or anything really. Having to restart this whole process combined with the frustration and anxiety that this will happen again is really...a lot.

 

[westtmd]

@starheel I’m sorry for your loss, and you’re not alone. More often than not, we don’t get an answer for why a miscarriage happens. Everything was totally normal for the pregnancy I lost at 13 weeks, and my husband and I are also not carriers. I don’t know if having a reason for the loss would make me feel any better since I’d still likely blame myself in the end. This is a very normal way to react, but please know it is not accurate - you did nothing wrong to cause your loss. I reacted much the same as you, putting my husband on a multivitamin and making efforts to improve my own health (started the couch to 5k program, vitamins, increased veggies and folic acid, etc). These are never bad practices but know that it is NOT your fault and there is no magic fix to prevent another loss.

 

[starheel]

@westtmd Thank you so much for your kind words and support. At this moment the biggest fear I have is that some undiagnosed issue is going to cause another pregnancy to go the same way. I know it's irrational, but I can't shake it. I'm sure every woman who's been through this feels the same or similar.

 

[westtmd]

@starheel You’re exactly right. It doesn’t help that it’s basically impossible to test for or detect every possible health condition that could contribute, especially since so much is unknown about miscarriages. Basic bloodwork would be a great start to check for most common issues, like a few other folks have mentioned. But getting normal results can feel like both a blessing and a curse like you described. Best of luck to you, and I’d also recommend r/ttcafterloss which is a wonderful and supportive community as well.

 

[sue4jesus]

@starheel Sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry that testing didn't provide answers. I think bloodwork from your GP - for you and your husband - is a great place to start.

There could be other egg or sperm quality issues that aren't explained by genetics. And it's a bit of a crapshoot whether you'll ovulate a good egg, or your husband will emit good sperm. Good nutrition and sensible exercise are great places to start for you both - healthy habits that are healthy regardless of TTC.

 

[starheel]

@sue4jesus Thank you so much. I know that if we were to have another loss more extensive testing would be done (says my obgyn, and me) but right now it's so hard to feel like I've done enough to prevent this from happening again.

 

[exinanition]

@starheel I’m so sorry for your loss. Unexplained is an especially tough pill to swallow at times because you always wonder what more you could be doing to find answers. I’m glad that your tests are good so far, but I understand the conflicted feelings with being told nothing is wrong.

 

[starheel]

@exinanition Thank you for your empathy, totally summed up how I'm feeling.

 

[jeremyfromisrael]

@starheel I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 9+4 (baby stopped growing at 7+4 after we saw the heartbeat at 7+1). D&C at what would have been 10 weeks. We never got an answer as to why it happened. I always feel like I could have healed better/faster knowing the reason. Sometimes I guess they just don’t know.

 

[starheel]

@jeremyfromisrael It's so frustrating to not have answers. I'm feeling ok healing-wise (yay for therapy and also wine) but it's hard knowing that we're months behind where we thought we'd be, regardless of when we do get pregnant again.

 

[lapitaga]

@starheel Going through something similar. Should have been ten weeks but baby was measuring behind and heartbeat stopped. Still wishing we had some sort of answer as to why and what I could do differently next time around. It’s a very frustrating feeling.

 

[starheel]

@lapitaga Thanks for sharing, completely agree that the most apt word is "frustrating." I'm so grateful for this sub and knowing we're not alone.

 

[walkedthroughthefire]

@starheel You’re not alone, we went through a similar thing. The tests came back after our D&C and my doctor was basically like “nothing was wrong” which is obviously hard to hear - because then why didn’t my body keep it! I hope in the end the lack of issues is a GOOD sign, and that the odds of a healthy pregnancy rise for us on the next time - and for you as well!

 

[starheel]

@walkedthroughthefire Thank you for sharing! I keep being like "do I have fibroids or something they didn't catch?" "are my hormones off?" Goddamn it's so frustrating! But we will get there. I saw something online that I loved, which was "think of this as a starter pregnancy as your body gets used to what pregnancy is." Which is I guess total woohoo nonsense but I kinda liked it. Sending happy fertile thoughts to you.

 

[walkedthroughthefire]

@starheel I’ve found a surprising amount of comfort in sayings like that! I also now know what it’ll feel like for me, what the first few steps are, and I feel more ready, even though it’s hard. (And I cant believe I didn’t notice your username before before - party on, dudes!)

 

[starheel]

@walkedthroughthefire One hundred percent agree. The impatience is hard, but I'm trying to accept that every day/week is just helping me get my body and mind right for when we do this for real for real. And yes! Have loved B&T for so so long.