Frustration at Math as a parent of a Trans student

[gergely]

This is mostly a vent post.

For those of you who haven't followed me: tl:dr is that Mother (now ex wife) decided one drunken day to try to arrange a kidnapping assault (i would argue murder). cops laughed it off. I self reported CPS, and they took it seriously. For two years I have been a single dad. She visited once in two years to tell us about her tattoo of power and her cats. Needless to say, that lasted less than 45 minutes.

My son is trans (ftm) and 12. Since my ex was removed, he has been a straight A student. Honor roll. All other teachers have used his "current" name. Only this math teacher uses his dead name.

This year due to my job promotion (I went from a background position to a "you need to visit people even during a pandemic" position but get paid significant more) he has been virtual. When I say promotion, I am talking near a 100k salary. Double pay life changing. The "our son and I both need daily tests" lifechanging. Not bragging because I regret it. But I am here.

My son has had 0 problems with school except for math. All his teachers are from his old school except this guy. Here are the issues:

Large grade test 1: Son got a 22%. Website said 90%. Teacher wrote "Your camera was off so I reduced it". No evidence of laptop camera being off. But son didn't let me know until a week later. Nothing I could do.

Large grade test 2: Son received a 20%. Website said 95%. Teacher wrote "I will let you see what you got wrong on xxx date." Date came and went, teacher never released results. Still don't know what son got wrong.

Large grade test 3: I watched son submit his final answer. Test site said 22 out of 25.. 88%. B average. Website for school says 22 out of 100. F average. When asked, teacher said he would release tests so we could she how wrong son was. Tests and answers never released.

The latest: Teacher doesn't teach section x.x due to 1 virtual student who is female and known to be from a "rich" parent. Yet he forces my son to do a quiz on x.x to count towards final quarter testing. This is not forced to the other student or other students.

My son's state testing? A+. Doesn't need to do them in the spring. says he is advanced in his class. complete opposite of what his teacher is saying.

This week: Before test 4.0, teacher says "By the way we are delaying and I haven't taught it yet, yet it's due". Then sent a second test "Yes I know many of you have submitted the answers, but I'm not responding to anything until after the deadline. I have too much to do. Leave me alone". (literal answer).

The school says that because the virtual program is county wide, they can't do anything. Don't get me wrong, I believe them. Our school principal has done more for Trans rights than anyone I've seen in our southern bible belt county. And they have promised that next semester my son will be in a math program she controls.

But for now, my A honor student son is failing math. And he is getting ticks back because of it. Despite his therapist and my talks, he truly things he is failing because of this asshole. He has regained ticks (physical head movements when he talks about Math). I am so pissed. I understand that it's 2020 and my son's school is doing everything possible. But at the same time, he hasn't had ticks for 6 months, and he has them back again because of this shit.

Everything this teacher has said and done over the semester points to him being trans phobic. I don't want to believe it. He's not part of our county though. I think he is. There is no way my son can pass the state test and not be able to pass a regular class. I am having a hard time pointing him out though. What has this teacher been assigned with? I know he was given random people in our district. He didn't want this either. I don't want to ruin his career.

Rant over. Sorry guys.

 

[voicesfree]

@gergely Yeah, it's time to escalate this. That's so not okay. The district school board is next, right?

Where I am, I might go to the Human Rights Commission and ask for assistance or advice as to whether there's anything I should do next before I can file a Human Rights complaint.

Document everything. Screenshot the school website so that if they change it, you have a record of the high scores.

 

[truthsearcher101]

@gergely Hey man, I’ve seen your posts before. Micro-aggressions are incredibly real and please ignore folks who don’t experience them.

You’re not ruining this teacher’s life or career by asking them to provide consistent education to your kid. They are being dicks by allowing their internalized bias prevent them from being professional.

In a remote learning environment, there’s almost no excuse for any of this behavior. Assessments are digital - the score is the score. The teacher’s inability to take the score from one platform to their grade book doesn’t require them to think about the student (gender, race, sex, etc etc).

So if in that moment this guy decides to arbitrarily move your kid’s 80% score to a 22.... they’re doing some highly deliberate shit.

Every single school I’ve ever interfaced with on behalf of my kids (partner’s kids, nieces/nephews, or my biological) asked “what is child’s preferred name” names I’ve heard in their classmates: Bunk, Rock, TreeTop, 2-2, Apple, Missy. They (teachers) literally didn’t care beyond day 1 or 2 of “class paperwork” as long as the name isn’t offensive. Georgia, North Carolina, panhandle Florida. So not exactly bastions of progress.

Shit sucks. You’ll have to show your ass on this teacher. It’s annoying. You don’t want to “mess up” any inroads with teachers and admins who are sympathetic to you, but I got a secret, if they’re not checking this teacher on your behalf they’re not really your ally.

See the national election results for examples of people who give verbal platitudes but don’t actually take meaningful action which will support whichever marginalized population you belong to. And yes, as a trans family, welcome to the marginalized club.

 

[godspell]

@gergely I am so sorry your son has to deal with bigoted assholes like this. I can't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking it is for you as his parent. The good news is that at 12, I imagine he's still in middle school & grades is middle school will not have any effect on his future. Colleges don't look at middle school transcripts! Keep lodging complaints with the school & ask for written confirmation that your complaint has been logged. You may not be able to do anything about this shitty teacher right now, but at least you have written record if the school tries to place him in a remedial class next year, when you know he deserves to be in the advanced class. I think I might go full-on 'Karen' and make the school dread my daily calls & numerous complaints to the school board & the superintendent.

IDK if your son would be into it, but maybe have him work on some math outside of the class assignments. My son loves math, and has been taking advanced online classes since about 5th grade, on his own time. We used the Kahn Academy online. Now that he's in high school, he's taking classes at the community college, earning college credit at 14! Maybe frame it to your son that he could study & be the very best in his class at math. Better even than this asshat bigoted teacher! I would just be so angry if I were in your shoes. Don't be afraid to be honest with your son about how you feel about the situation. He's old enough to understand & talk it through with you in a mature way. No matter what, your son knows that you believe in him & know he's a great student. That's what matters.

 

[gergely]

@godspell The whole "Dude you're only in 7th grade" issue has come up. His counselor is on the ball with that portion.

Whatever the dad version of Karen is, I've already done it last year. The principal knows I am up in arms. It's the whole "the math teacher is technically not a under me" and it's at the district level. I stress again how great the principal / counselor team is. My son also knows I'm at the bat for him. This year, I've been helping him learn how to send his own emails (he was concerned about wasting his teachers time, especially due to an email sent early in the year by his math teacher /sigh). Slowly he's gaining confidence in challenging without sounding like ... well a child. (Granted, my boss had to teach me how not to be an asshole in email communication just in the last few years and I'm 40... Figured it was a good skill for him to learn now LOL!)

Kahn Academy - huh. I'll check on that. Honestly forgot that existed. Might have to have him work on that a few nights a week...

 

[looseleeroy]

@gergely You are an awesome dad to begin with, I’d keep on barking at the math teacher.

 

[gergely]

@looseleeroy Thank you and I will!