I’ve been absent from this sub for quite a while, but I have to get this off my chest because I’m so fucking aggravated right now.
A little background: been divorced from “J” for 3 years, we have 3 kids together - C, boy age 10; A, boy age 7; and L, girl, age 5 -and he has visitation every other weekend. We’re both remarried, me to Deputy Sexy, and him to Crazy McPsycho.
Now for what has me fuming: J has been out of the country for the last 5 months, so I haven’t had to share visitation during that time. I consider myself a fairly strict parent on most issues, but there are certain things that I don’t think I NEED to tell my kids no on. These are things that help them express their individuality, like clothes, haircuts, extracurricular activities, and - the focus of this tale - hair color.
Since the kids and I have had all this time to hang out and talk about shit, they asked me if they could dye their hair. Sure, why not. It’s not hurting anyone and they think it’s cool. After much discussion, the boys decide on blue and red for C, and lime green for A. Sweet. No problem. We do it, they love it, their friends love it, even the old ladies at church think it’s fantastic. L wants hers pink and purple, but she has a ballet recital coming up so I convince her to hold off.
Anyway, J finds out a couple weeks ago (their hair has been dyed for a solid month by that point, it’s starting to fade pretty significantly and we’re not planning to redo it again right now) and he fucking loses it. Tells me I went to far, it’s unacceptable, that I dyed their hair for ME and that since I can’t dye my hair unnatural colors because of work (military) that the kids shouldn’t either. I let him rant, told him they asked for it and I discussed it at length with them prior to doing it, and that I believe they should be allowed some bodily autonomy. He wasn’t having it, but he drops it (because I ignore him when he starts talking to me like I’m an idiot) and we don’t talk about it again.
Cut to tonight. He’s back in town and the kids have their first weekend with him now that he’s back. I went to pick them up tonight and y’all.... Y’ALL. He shaved the boys heads just to get rid of the color. C, who’s been growing his hair out for 6 months and finally got it to the length for the style he wants, and A who loves having slightly shaggy hair... bald. Their faces broke my heart. I’m just glad I didn’t dye L’s hair because who knows what he would’ve done with hers.
I’m angry and sad for my kids. Why can’t they express themselves around their dad?? Ugh.... Crazy McPsycho even went so far as to tell the kids that me dying their hair was ILLEGAL. Not dumb, not against whatever stupid religion or ideology they’re following, but straight ILLEGAL. I can’t even. C’s was almost completely faded out and his hair was trimmed and neat, just long on top, and we were planning on dying A’s back to its natural color this week because it was faded out. J took that as we knew it was wrong so we were fixing it to keep from getting in trouble. With who, I don’t know. Guys, I want to scream. Thanks for reading my rant.
TL;DR: Ex-husband shaved my kids’ head because I dyed their hair and his psychotic new wife told them that me dying their hair was illegal.
A little background: been divorced from “J” for 3 years, we have 3 kids together - C, boy age 10; A, boy age 7; and L, girl, age 5 -and he has visitation every other weekend. We’re both remarried, me to Deputy Sexy, and him to Crazy McPsycho.
Now for what has me fuming: J has been out of the country for the last 5 months, so I haven’t had to share visitation during that time. I consider myself a fairly strict parent on most issues, but there are certain things that I don’t think I NEED to tell my kids no on. These are things that help them express their individuality, like clothes, haircuts, extracurricular activities, and - the focus of this tale - hair color.
Since the kids and I have had all this time to hang out and talk about shit, they asked me if they could dye their hair. Sure, why not. It’s not hurting anyone and they think it’s cool. After much discussion, the boys decide on blue and red for C, and lime green for A. Sweet. No problem. We do it, they love it, their friends love it, even the old ladies at church think it’s fantastic. L wants hers pink and purple, but she has a ballet recital coming up so I convince her to hold off.
Anyway, J finds out a couple weeks ago (their hair has been dyed for a solid month by that point, it’s starting to fade pretty significantly and we’re not planning to redo it again right now) and he fucking loses it. Tells me I went to far, it’s unacceptable, that I dyed their hair for ME and that since I can’t dye my hair unnatural colors because of work (military) that the kids shouldn’t either. I let him rant, told him they asked for it and I discussed it at length with them prior to doing it, and that I believe they should be allowed some bodily autonomy. He wasn’t having it, but he drops it (because I ignore him when he starts talking to me like I’m an idiot) and we don’t talk about it again.
Cut to tonight. He’s back in town and the kids have their first weekend with him now that he’s back. I went to pick them up tonight and y’all.... Y’ALL. He shaved the boys heads just to get rid of the color. C, who’s been growing his hair out for 6 months and finally got it to the length for the style he wants, and A who loves having slightly shaggy hair... bald. Their faces broke my heart. I’m just glad I didn’t dye L’s hair because who knows what he would’ve done with hers.
I’m angry and sad for my kids. Why can’t they express themselves around their dad?? Ugh.... Crazy McPsycho even went so far as to tell the kids that me dying their hair was ILLEGAL. Not dumb, not against whatever stupid religion or ideology they’re following, but straight ILLEGAL. I can’t even. C’s was almost completely faded out and his hair was trimmed and neat, just long on top, and we were planning on dying A’s back to its natural color this week because it was faded out. J took that as we knew it was wrong so we were fixing it to keep from getting in trouble. With who, I don’t know. Guys, I want to scream. Thanks for reading my rant.
TL;DR: Ex-husband shaved my kids’ head because I dyed their hair and his psychotic new wife told them that me dying their hair was illegal.
