Everyone is getting pregnant!

[yakdip]

Honestly I’m surprised it took this long. I’m 30f and everyone around me is starting to get pregnant m, like on purpose! (Mostly)

I’m so annoyed at myself for being jealous. My husband is the oldest of 4 siblings and the last sibling besides us just announced she’s (accidentally but keeping it) pregnant (and they haven’t even been together for a year!!!).

I knew we wouldn’t be the first to have kids simply because one of his sisters was pregnant as a teen, but still I didn’t think we’d be the last.

I’ve been on the fence about kids until last year when we finally had some interactions with good caring parents that made me decide I’d like to have one kid eventually, but now a good friend is pregnant, SIL mentioned before is pregnant, other SIL is trying again, and my best friend is planning to try in the Spring. It’s making me feel like speeding up my timeline. (I was planning 2025-2026)

I’m not where I want to be in life I don’t have a house or a permanent job and I feel like now I’m being held back from trying because I don’t want to purposely get pregnant if I don’t have job stability and/or a house to raise a kid in. I also have PCOS so I know trying could be a long process.

UGH! Ok this is all over the place I know I just needed to get it out. Am I jealous because I want a kid or because I want attention or what? I don’t even know. Share your frustrations with me so I don’t feel alone in this selfishness.

 

[dawelek]

@yakdip The best thing you can do is remember your “why”. Giving your kids a healthy situation for your home, relationship, finances, etc is huge in giving them the life you envision.

I say this as someone in a similar situation (friends and family all have had kids fairly recently or are pregnant) and feels the pressure. It’s hard but we have to do what’s best for us. Just know you’re not alone!

 

[yakdip]

@dawelek Thank you this is a great way to look at it!

 

[eadillard123]

@yakdip I’ve got the opposite issue - I’m 35 and wife and I are about to start trying. All of my friends intend to never have kids. I’m going to have to make “mom friends” at parks and I already hate it.

 

[yakdip]

@eadillard123 I actually have a lot of people in my life that are child free too… that’s a whole other thing like are they going to not want to be friends when I have a kid?? I’m not ready to broach that problem yet tho lol…

 

[dawelek]

@yakdip If they’re good friends, they will still want to be your friend. I’ve had several friends have kids in the last couple years and I still love spending time with them, whether that’s with or without their kids!

 

[shinystar]

@eadillard123 Oh my god I literally hate the idea of making mom friends too. So many moms have bizzare parenting ideas they found on tiktok and use their weird baby voice when they talk to kids. Uuuuuugggghhhhh

I'm gonna have to make a list of turn offs like I did when I was dating

 

[eadillard123]

@shinystar Mentally starting to add mine up like:

• Doesn’t vaccinate
• Calls herself a “boy mom” in a super weird way
• Makes a potentially homophobic face when I mention my wife

 

[shinystar]

@eadillard123 Agreed. Sorry you have deal with homophobic people.

Just my views

Mine is going to be similar:

-doesn't vaccinate

• talks down to kids (my mom never did that she talked to us like we were adults with needs)
• calls herself a trad wife

-says anything racist or homophobic

• completely ignores her kids until they respond with bad behavior to get her attention (I've met several moms like this)

Does the boy mom thing mean something negative or is it just super imto gender roles and excusing bad male behavior? genuinely curious

 

[eadillard123]

@shinystar So the “boy mom” thing is like the intersection of leaning into gender roles as an excuse for boys to be wildly off the rails but also the weird emotional incest. Like imagine what all the nightmare MILs you read about on Reddit were like when their sons were little.

 

[shinystar]

@eadillard123 Oh barf. Hate that. Ick. "Boys will be boys" nah. How about "boys will be held responsible for their actions."

I lucked out that my husband's mom was a normal person with healthy attachment and didn't throw a fit when we got married. Not gonna lie I wouldn't have married him if his mom acted like that and he didn't stand up to her.

 

[shinystar]

@yakdip Literally my situation too. I turn 30 in a few days and it's killing me. I just graduated with my degree, I don't have a stable job and we're saving for a house and everyone around us is getting pregnant. Two relatives our age and 2 of my friends just gave birth too.

I suffered the worst pregnancy jealousy ever when my friend got pregnant. It was a happy accident for her but I still hated her because she's not very responsible and has a terrible relationship and I felt like if anyone deserved a baby that it was me. I have a very healthy relationship and worked so hard for my degree so I could eventually afford a family of my own. Its okay to feel pregnancy envy. I really hated her for a while. I had to cry and journal and talk it out and meditate until I accepted it. She's had her baby now and now I can say I'm happy for her. But it took me a while. Let yourself process your feelings. Cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness got me through.

Waiting until your life is stable is so hard. I'm doing the same thing and it sucks. You're being very responsible and putting your future child's needs above your want of having a baby right now. If anything that makes you fit to be a parent. ❤

 

[muted]

@yakdip Same here, 28, fighting endometriosis, 2 years ago 3 of my friends got married and they all have kids now, another friend is pregnant… we just feel we are not financially stable enough, yet. We paid off our car yesterday tho!! We live in a really tiny flat that is ours but still to small for a baby… wouldn’t know where to put the crib! At the same time i feel ready to start trying and this is not just baby fever anymore (or can it last for more than 2 yeas?). With endometriosis i know it will be hard to concieve, my gyn also caucioned me on this. So idk what are we waiting for, but also how are we all going to fit into this apartment and how will we live once im not working…

 

[shinystar]

@muted Same here. Living in small apartment. We have 2 bedrooms but the second room is my husband's office/ gym. I need to make at least 40k while my husband makes 60k so we can comfortably afford at least 1 kid.

 

[sandyyy]

@yakdip I feel this in my bones. I'm turning 30 this spring and everyone around me is either pregnant or has a baby. I've known forever that I want to have kids. I told myself that I would have one by 25... And then I started telling myself I would have one by 30... Now I don't know when or even if it will happen. I've been in a relationship for the last 7 years, we have good finances and he now wants to have kids as well (he used to be on the fence) but we do not yet own a house and my mental and physical health has been in shambles. I'm working so hard right now to be a better healthier version of myself so that I can have kids and take care of them, but sometimes it feels impossible to even care for myself.

 

[yakdip]

@sandyyy It’s hard to exist in this world sometimes but it sounds like you’re thinking about all the right things! Trying to be as prepared as possible in the things we can control is a great decision we can make for our future children.

 

[cbonn103]

@yakdip I'm the same, I'll be the last sibling to have a kid. My stepbrother and his wife just announced as well. So frustrating. One of them has been an accidental situation too and they got everything bought for them and paid for, I bet I won't get anywhere near that much support and I'm very jealous because my stepsisters always get everything that we don't.

The one thing I try and console myself with is that I'll get all the hand me downs.

 

[yakdip]

@cbonn103 I secretly am please my brother and his wife live far away so that when we have a kid they will have a lot of time with my parents (it’s only us two on my side) and hoping very doting upon despite not being the first grandkid

 

[cbonn103]

@yakdip That's definitely a bonus the closer you are, the more attention.

 

[katrina2017]

@yakdip I can’t say what it was like for my parents, but I was one of the younger grandkids (but not the youngest) and very obviously the favorite of all four grandparents. The first people to announce the pregnancy on my husband’s side of the family didn’t get as much support as the second people because my in laws needed some time to adjust.

Not with you particularly, but I think there’s a weird emphasis in being first or last to have grandkids that doesn’t really matter in the end. Do what works best for you and your (immediate) family.